Crunk, Gracie? or Help the Old and Clueless

Cafe Society
1

OK, I was listening to the latest earworm from the Disposable Diva Du Jour, a young lady apparently rejoicing in the name “Ke$ha” (the dollar sign is not a typo).

I grant you that I am likely not her target audience. The only reaction I am sure Ms. K wants from my generation is the observation that she dresses like a hooker with a gift certificate from Goodwill. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Nonetheless, at my son’s instigation, I watched the video of her latest artistic triumph, a song entitled “Tik Tok” - again, not a typo, spelling is not apparently her strong suit. Herewith a couple of questions -

She makes reference in the song to either some of her compatriots, or the boys who are attempting to become her friend on a close personal level, as getting “crunk”. What exactly is “crunk”? I don’t think it is “drunk” since that is one of the end words of a subsequent line she rhymes with. Is this a new word she, obviously stumped for a rhyme (as I say, she does not give the impression of a keen intelligence) made up?

Also, she announces her habit of “brushing (her) teeth with a bottle of Jack”. I assume this means Jack Daniels. The obvious question then presents itself - Why?

She does give her rationale for such behavior - to wit, that she does not intend to return home when once she leaves to go out in search of fun, parties, arrests, and someone who won’t giggle at her combination of hot pants and fur boots. But what is the advantage of this form of dental hygiene? She makes it clear that she intends to go out and drink excessively, which may explain her fashion choices, but then she would have whiskey breath anyway. Why not use Crest[sup]TM[/sup] or something so her breath is minty fresh before she begins to vomit up the stale beer the boys have bought her in an effort to convince her to allow them to touch her junk, junk?

Or did someone upgrade the Jack Daniels label to include a disclaimer that “Bourbon has been shown to be an effective decay-preventing dentifrice that can be of significant value when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.”

Regards,
Shodan

2

Crunk = crazy + drunk. It’s also the name of an energy drink marketted in the inner city and a music style.

3

Silenus will be along shortly to castigate you for implying that Jack Daniel’s is bourbon. It isn’t, but tastes close enough in my book. Of course, in my book, chili is served with beans. Silenus considers my book culinary blasphemy.

4

“Certs is a candy mint!”

“Certs is a breath mint!”

“Jack Daniels is a bourbon!”

“Jack Daniels is a dentifrice!”

:smack:

And thanks, whole bean.

Regards,
Shodan

5

In an old episode of the 1960s TV series Mission Impossible I remember a scene showing the Fidel Castro-styled Latin American Dictator brushing his teeth with whiskey, a habit he said he picked up while living in the jungle. Evidently the meme is still around.

6

Neither was it L. Frank Baum’s, evidently. Or John Sladek’s.

7

Fo’ outta fi’ bitches be down widdit.

8

Reminiscent of one of my favorite ads of all time, by the inimitable Stan Freberg.

The picture is of nine smiling Asians and one frowning Caucasian, all in scrubs and with stethoscopes. The caption reads, “Nine out o ften doctors recommend Chun King Chow Mein!”

Regards,
Shodan

9

I knew an actual living breathing man, from eastern Europe, who brushed his teeth everyday with Dry Vermouth! Of course, from time to time, he would eat duck fat, spread on toast, for breakfast, too.

10

Man, that’s a bad song.