My 24 year old nephew was killed 2 days ago in a freak accident. He is my sister’s son. My sister is not destitute by official standards, but there is simply no money or credit available to her for burial expenses. The accident happened in his home, so no one else could be held responsible. My sister is currently behind in her mortgage and other bills, and has no means to borrow the money. I know the state will probably bury him - in a cardboard coffin and a pauper’s grave - but she becomes totally hysterical at the idea. He has been at the medical examiner’s office since his death, and I don’t know how long they will keep him.
My sister is in AZ and I am in Washington, D.C., so I am at a terrible disadvantage in trying to help, and I am not able to help financially as I lost my job recently do to the economic downturn in this area. It looks very much like I will not be able to get out there. My sister also wants, if at all possible, to take his body back to OK where we grew up and where the family plot is located. If we can get him there, we at least have a place to put him. Can anyone tell me what to do and how to do it? Are there ANY charities or other organizations that help with funeral expenses? Does anyone know how to arrange for transporting a body or where to find out about it and anything about what’s involved? ANY help would be deeply appreciated.
I am sure I speak for everyone in offering our most sincere condolence. If your nephew was a military veteran certain benefits are available. Your sister is deeply involved in the grieving process and may not be able to make rational decisions for awhile so any support you, another relative or a member of the clergy can provide will be helpful. I have only a suggestion and I hope I do not phrase it badly.
Since your sister seems to have no obvious way to accomplish her goal in this terrible situation, she might consider allowing the state of Arizona to provide a temporary place of rest for her son until her circumstances improve enough that she can remove him to Oklahoma and inter him in the family plot in the manner she deems appropriate. He will not mind and, if she is religious, God will not mind. While it is certainly to be expected that she will become hysterical, a temporary resting place is not disrespectful to his memory in any way.
I hope another member can provide better information than I am able to.
My condolences on your loss. I just went through something similar, and was unable to attend the funeral of a close relative.
It sounds like the old-fashioned burial in a graveyard is the preferred option for you all. However, cremation is usually more economical and then of course renders the deceased’s remains easily transportable. AFAIK, there isn’t anything that prevents one from burying the urn as though it were a casket and having a marker set up there with the urn in an established graveyard, though whoever it is that runs the graveyard might also suggest a colombarium (spelling?) for urns. I don’t know which costs less, but both would seem to be decent and honoring the deceased.
Is there a local charity or religious organization that could provide an emergency loan, even, for burial and/or transporation expenses? A local social service agency might be able to provide a referral. Or did your nephew have any life insurance, perhaps even a small policy through his job that nobody knew about?
Considering the financial issues, I expect that a lot of calling and legwork will need to be done. I hope your sister has someone who can help her in Arizona and/or in Oklahoma, and I am sure she appreciates what you are doing from Washington.
I don’t know whether your sister will consider this option, but before my father died in Maryland he had made it clear that he wanted his body donated to science. We found a medical school in his hometown in Texas (UTMB, Galveston) who would accept his body if we paid the costs of shipping, about $100.00. Be advised that we did call several other medical schools who had impossible requirements (signature of the deceased, for example) before finding the school that accepted Dad.
If there is any money at all and someone in Oklahoma or Arizona who can assist your sister, it might be worthwhile to simply shop around among funeral homes. Profits are high in the funeral industry, partly because funeral directors see no need to show the budget line of products and services. I am often more blunt than necessary for a given situation (forgive me if I am being so now), but I think it would be helpful if someone could call funeral homes and made a point of getting the lowest bid on getting someone in Arizona buried in Oklahoma.