My son expressed interest in joining the cub scouts. We went to a recruitment meeting, and liked what we saw. So we signed up. My son is really excited about the whole thing.
I took my son to his first meeting and met his den mother and hung out for a while. The den mom has a son that is mentally retarded. He seems to be a very sweet boy, in that he likes to give people hugs and responds well when he’s directly engaged.
Here’s the problem though: the minute she turns her attention from him, he starts to shout. He starts to take his clothes off. He starts to screech and roll all over the floor. She has to constantly chase him to keep him from hurting himself. The other boys are distracted and sometimes embarassed over his behavior.
I’m thinking that a cub scout meeting is not a good place for this boy to be…I just don’t know how to tell her.
But I’m not sure how a newcomer would effectively and tactfully raise such a thing. Has this mom and her son been in the pack for a while, or are they new like you?
Its not all that easy to find folk to volunteer for such positions. I’d assume you are not the first to notice this. And I assume the mom is well aware of the difficulties her son causes. She lives with him, after all.
Do you know the mothers of any of the other kids? Or any of the leaders? You might want to ask them about their knowledge and experience of the situation. This might have been handled/addressed by the pack before you and your son joined up.
Or you might want to see if there are other packs available. Or are there more than one den at each rank in this particular pack.
Good luck.
Heck, at least the kid is just disruptive, and not one of them homos or godless heathens!
Is she the only den mother? Perhaps you can volunteer to help out at the meetings so she doesn’t have to keep an eye on her son and try to help the other boys at the same time.
The best way is to volunteer to be a den mother and get the meetings to your house. She is probably doing this because he knows he will get something out of it and wants to be near him. But it will be distruptive to the rest of the den.
You can go to the Cubmaster or the committee chairperson and talk to them about the issue. If you don’t like it some other parent doesn’t either.
I think it is best to be a part of the solution. Scouting is for all boys, as a scoutmaster, we have boys in our troop that are ‘difficult’, but you learn to work with them. I bet if you volunteer to host or be the den mother (you can have more than one), the other mother would be thrilled.
I’m thinking that a cub scout meeting is not a good place for this boy to be…
You are absolutely right. As Dinsdale so astutely pointed out: at least the kid is just disruptive, and not one of them homos or godless heathens!
God forbid ANY child should have to be exposed to some wild assed retard who might disrupt the social gathering that is Cub/Boy Scouts! I mean, what if it got to the point where your young son might actually have to come to grips with the fact that not every kid can control himself…that some kids are, well, you know…different ! What if your son got distracted from his cubbing duties and wasted his time learning about this freak’s disability? CRIMINEY! He might even come to the (clearly) false realization that even this pathetic excuse for a human being might have something positive to offer–for this is in direct conflict with scouting!
But seriously. You ARE right. I mean, this carnival geek really has no business interacting with NORMAL children. For if they are exposed to him at such a tender young age they might come to accept him…and then how would you ever manage to teach him how to HATE!!!
When you have a group of boys that age together, they need constant supervision. If one of the kids is being disruptive and monopolizing the den mother’s time, one of the other kids could do something stupid that she might have been able to prevent.
I don’t think anyone is trying to deprive anyone anything because they are “different”. However, I do think you’re being an ass.
Matchka: Scouts/Cubs etc is supposed to be a place of acceptance and fun yes, but know what? If there is enough of a problem that it is harming the general spirit of the troop maybe someone else should be there to help out… and if that is not possible then yes maybe he shouldn’t be there.
I can understand wanting everyone to experience Scouting but how is it teaching the kids anything when the Den Mother has all her attention on this one kid? It can ruin the experience for others and several of these kids may just decide to not come back.
I’ve been in Guiding for about 13 years myself, a couple of those as a leader and I have seen how problems can crop up. We had girls who had such attitudes and refused to listen in the slightest (back talk etc) that finally we had to lay it on the line. All our attention was going to these girls and we could not give the others the same share of attention. If we ignored it it just went on to create other problems. We finally had to tell them that unless they behaved a little more decorously we would not take them to camp with us at the end of the year. And we didn’t, we stood by what we said. They dropped out shortly after that because we were ‘being mean’ when we only wanted to keep the peace in our troop so everyone can have fun.
Now with this situation if perhaps they had more help (yes, hard to get) it wouldn’t be so bad. But if he is going to be so disruptive that it ruins the experience for everyone else then he really shouldn’t be there. I say this as a former leader and as someone who thinks that anyone can fall under this.
Drawing on my experiences in Camp Fire as both a member and a leader, it’s NOT a good idea to become a leader until one has been part of the group for a while. It just doesn’t work. One can volunteer for other duties, such as providing snacks or entertainment/education (for example, I was taught to knit by the aunt of one of our Camp FIre members, who came in for a few sessions to teach all of us). But becoming a leader without experience as a follower is asking for trouble IME.
This boy is not simply “difficult” but is verging on impossible. Despite his mental handicap, he has learned to manipulate his mother and other people. He needs to learn that he CANNOT start acting up whenever he is not the center of attention. Of course, his parents are going to have to be the people to teach him this, not somebody in his Scout den. He will only become more unmanageable as he grows older. Ideally, he would have to go into timeout when he starts acting up, in a safe place where he will not disturb others. This isn’t just for the convenience of other people, he must learn this skill for his own good. Can you imagine this child as a grown man, after his parents have died or are unable to care for him? If he hasn’t learned to behave, he’ll have to be in constant restraints.
Lets say, for the sake of argument, that Screech Boy is NOT mentally impaired and has just been a victim of poor parenting. Would you be so “sensitive” to his needs?
Disruptive is disruptive. It’s not rocket science. In order for him to be a part of the group, is it too much to ask that he be able to sit still during the meeting?
I agree with the others that have posted previously and would strongly recommend talking to the Scout leader. This boy may have a history with this pack and may indeed be a contributing member. If after a few meetings ouisey and her son aren’t comfortable with the dynamics of the pack, then they have every right to find another pack to join.
Um - I hope everyone realized I was simply ironically referring to what I personally consider a distasteful aspect of BSA policy, but never intended to hint at anything as unpleasant as Matchka vented.
Scout troops are chartered by a number of different groups, schools, churches, and civic and service clubs.
Scouting is for everyone, but not all troops are good for everyone. Like any other civic and social organization, some groups work well together and others struggle to make it work. If the group you went to for the first meeting doesn’t look like your son will fit in (even if it is another childs behavior) , then find another group in your area where your child might fit in better, instead of presuming that this other child doesn’t deserve a scouting experience.
It’s quite likely that the reason this boys mother is the Den Leader, is because she wanted him to have the scouting experience and and could not find a den with a leader that could handle a den with her son. She may have decided it was important enough to her to be the one to make it happen.
That’s a tough problem. I hope you’ll try to work things out in your den before shopping for another den or pack.
There’s more than one way to run a den. Some of the dens in my pack have had very successful years by requiring that each parent plan and run a couple of den meetings, so that the den leaders don’t have to do them all. The den leader still does overall planning and some meetings, is there to advise the parents on their meetings, and does all the other things that keep the den running and a viable part of the pack. This approach would leave the den leader free to devote her attention to her son most of the time during the den meeetings. If you and the other parents are willing and able to help out in this way, I think it could work.
If you and the other parents and the den leader can’t work something out, I second dewizeowl’s advice to talk to your pack’s Cubmaster or Committee Chair. They are charged with ensuring a good program for all of the boys in the pack, and should take you seriously and try to help resolve the problem. They won’t want to lose the boys in your den to another pack or lose them to scouting altogether.
In my local council (covering all the packs in my county), there is a pack just for boys with mental handicaps or other problems which make it difficult for them to be in what would be their home pack. I don’t know if other councils do this, but if this den leader can’t work anything out with your pack, she might want to check into it.
Is here son a cubscout as well? Cub scouts welcomes all boys. Chapter 7 of the Cub Scout Leader How-To book discusses activities for boys with a whole host of conditions: from autism to low-vitality. Perhap this mother needs an Assistant Den Leader, or she needs to be the Assistant. Now, there is training involved in becoming a Den Leader, your cubmaster would have details about that. It takes a whole day and covers most everything.
Another option to consider is to look into getting a Den Chief. A Den Chief is a Boy Scout who assists with the running of the den. Boy Scouts do this as part of their leadership training.
