Curse ye, ye evangelistic...e..e..e...evangelists!

Crowbar_of_Irony_3 · March 5, 2003, 11:45am

Why do I have to be reminded of my sad, sad past in such dramatic ways that it could be made into a movie? I have spent an almost happy one year living my life (well, stopping trying to find a painless way to die is a postitve step forward, I think) and now YOU, of all people, have to turn up on the same train that I am on!

I tried to avoid you, but NO!, the water bottle in my bag deemed it will be a great time to drop onto the floor, and of all people, you picked it up and handed it back to me. And then I thought you wouldn’t recongise me! Darn, I almost got away with it!

Yes, okay, so five years ago I was a shy, impressionable young teenager dying for approval and acceptance, and dying to “please God” (whatever that means) which is why I jumped onto your evangelistic bandwagon. Even though I was a socially-challenged, stuttering, frightful young kid with low self steem, and with a definte fear of strangers. I don’t even want to do this ~ heck, but you all convinced me that it is the right and proper thing to “please God” (whatever that means!).

So I did it and I felt like a nail in a screw thread, a fish out of water, a hamster drowning in the sea and someone who is pretending to be motivated, passionated and extremely interested in evangelism. I gave up time, I bit my lip, I scream bloody hell to my fears and approach strangers and hand out tracts, mix around with disaffected college students, trying to convincing them that “Jesus loves you!”

I hate the job. Oh sorry, I am wrong. I desist the job! I don’t want to pick a random passer-by and dump a bucket of cold water on him. I don’t mean it is wrong for you to do it, dear sister or brother, but I don’t want to do it! I am a total 100% introvert (I done three different tests to confirm that) and everytime you drag me out along to do street evangelism I am screaming inside, “No, no, not again!”

My thoughts of coming clean were dashed by your talks “If you love God, you will do what He wants you to do” and “The Great Comission is the greatest of all things” (paraphrased, of course). Ohkay, so I am not sharing the gospel and littering the road with tracts I am a sinner. Oh no, I wouldn’t want to be a sinner, don’t I.

And just because I jumped onto your evangelistic bandwagon doesn’t I mean I sold my life to you! Evangelistic may not be my cup of tea, but I am willing to brew a cup now and then since it is all Christian’s duty to spread the good news. But no, you want me to drink tea for the rest of my life and nothing but tea!

I have my dreams. I have my desires. I have my goals in life. And no, it is not be a full-time worker in your ministry! More and more I felt like a pawn on a chessboard, to be scarificed for the Greater Good™. Why do you Christians sing one tune but meant another? Saying Jesus died for me because He loved me so much, then treating me like a pawn to be used for some tactical advantage? Saying that I matter to God, then telling me that I couldn’t do what I want to do, but what God wants me to do, and that is what you want me to do?

Curse ye al! When I try to say ‘no’, to find my own ground, you I am being irresponsible and pushing duties to others. Well, you want to feel bad for not spreading the “Good News?” Well, you did it! Congraulations!. You made it as though being a 100% introvert is the greatest sin of the century because I don’t dare to hit the streets and preach at total strangers or to make phone calls to completely unknown ‘contacts’ to invitie them for bible studies or events. Do you feel warm and fuzzy inside now?

Do you want me to feel as if God hates me? Congrats! You have done it! You convinced me that if I am doing what I want, what I desire and following my dreams, God will be against me because He doesn’t want me to do what I want to do!

So anyway, that was a year ago. I had convinced myself how to relate between God and myself - that’s my own business since you Christians all like to sing to the tune that God created me and I am an unqiue person then why aren’t you respecting the decisions that I have made?

I told you that instead of hitting on random strangers and blasting ‘friends’ with the gospel, I rather explain stuff from Bible. Well, you have the gall, the gall to say that following my desires are wrong! And that there is a reason why they are elders. And God didn’t allow some famous so and so in the Bible to do what he wants to do. Thank you! Now I am all confused and bitter again? Do you feel warm and fuzzy inside now? And oh yeah, I have to listen to my elders, to what you want me to do, right? Because somehow you have Divine Inspiration from the Guy Upstair, but I do not. Why is that I am always in the wrong!

I have decided to forge my own path in life and there you are pouring cold holy water on me! I have decided to raise up from the wreck of the man that I was and now you are convicing me that God is actually against what I am doing!!

Damn it! Do you know because of your little bandwagon and their various antics I have been depressed for three freaking years. Tell me what it is like to spend 365 x 3 days with wild mood swings, extreme guilt, total disappointment and a feeling of Divine Condemnation and Extreme Disappointment with God. I just don’t want to do your bidding, not God’s bidding.

Do you know how crushed I was when I thought God doesn’t give a damn about my dreams and goals. You Christians always sing one thing but meant other. You tried your best to pyshco me “Go full time for God! If not, at least give a three-quarter of your life to God!” I said “But I have my own passions at other things, such as programming” and you said, “Is that important? Do you need to know programming in Heaven?”

Curse ye! Now I am off to find a painless way to die.

Steve_Wright · March 5, 2003, 11:55am

I wouldn’t go that far. Find a church or a denomination slightly more accepting of people’s individuality; probably easier than dying painlessly, and more fun besides.

My reasoning behind being a computer programmer rather than a cloistered monk is quite simple: God made the world, and therefore He made worldly people to take care of it. I’m one of them. From the sound of it, so are you.

As a convinced Protestant, I believe we all have our individual ministries in this world. It would appear that your ministry, your calling, your personal duty to God, does not involve yelling the Gospel at total strangers. I applaud your decision to do what God wants you to do, rather than what other people say you should do. (And I could do with less yelling-type evangelism, anyway … we may have a duty to spread the Good News, but we are not obliged to be unpleasant, inept, and off-putting in doing so.)

Oh. And your elders are part of God’s plan, and are set before you as an example. In this case, a bad example.

Typo_Negative · March 5, 2003, 12:26pm

True. And if God loves you, he won’t want you to do anything that makes you want to remove your own skin.

sugaree · March 5, 2003, 4:36pm

It sounds as if your former church was a Christian cult. It sounds as is it is a very good thing that you’ve cut ties.

Caffeine.addict · March 5, 2003, 4:41pm

Look at it this way. You’re doing more good by NOT shouting the gospel at passing strangers. I’m willing to bet more people are turned off by this type of thing than could ever possibly be reached.

I second the advice of others in finding a church that is more suited for you.

Shodan · March 5, 2003, 6:46pm

And I third it.

You don’t have to beat people over the head with the Gospel to carry out the Great Commission. Have a quick read thru practically any thread Polycarp, cjhoworth, or any of a number of Christian Dopers to see another way of doing it.

(I hope I don’t offend any of my fellow Christian Dopers if I don’t list your names. I think the hamsters would explode if I tried.)

Find another church. It will not be a step down, regardless of what your evangelical friend would have you believe.

“My Father’s house has many rooms” (John 14:2). We don’t all have to crowd into one.

Regards,
Shodan

whiterabbit · March 6, 2003, 12:15am

I had a friend once. Or I thought I had a friend. I had a friend until I attended her church, out of friendly curiosity, and was moderately horrified by how fundamentalist they were. (Her dad was the minister, so she grew up in that environment.) Afterwards, I didn’t so much as say as imply that it just wasn’t for me, which was true. I expressed some reservations I had about a few of the attitudes I’d run into, trying to be very polite about it, because there’s some aspects of fundamentalist Christian dogma that I simply cannot understand. I was hoping at least to learn enough to TRY to understand, which I now think I will never be able to do. I mean, I thought we were FRIENDS.

She never spoke to me again.

You don’t need to be involved with those sorts of people. There are lots of churches out there, and if you are so uncomfortable with in-your-face evangelism (which puts me off to the point of hostility) then I’d think God doesn’t WANT you doing that. Or at least if I were you, that’s the message I’d think I was getting, regardless of what they tell you.

I don’t think God would want ANYBODY to be annoying others with their religion, whatever religion that might be. Teach interested people, yes. Piss off nine people to gain that tenth convert, no.

Road_Rash · March 6, 2003, 3:35am

I think you have discovered way more sanity than you give yourself credit. They have a point. You need to be more outgoing, so you can tell them to “piss off” without a quiver in your voice.

Rock on! Lost Cause. I got stuck in a Lifespring seminar. By the third day I was so confused, but I knew this was a messed up mind control scam and got out of there.

Oh yes, awesome prose.

Belrix · March 6, 2003, 10:44pm

You sound like an ICC survivor. Someone close to me is a survivor of that cult. Be glad you’re out.

With time, she learned to find God again - this time in a much healthier relationship.

I wish you peace.

Crowbar_of_Irony_3 · March 7, 2003, 4:05am

ICC!?

Well, that was two years before the events I spoke off, when I was 14. Yes, they are evil. They wanted me to go for Bible Study every single night! I say I have to study, they say “Which is more important, God or study?” They cause such a big uproar that my mother called up my ex-dad, my grandfather was mad at me and I felt like a criminal.

Anyway…

I talked to a friend about the encounter that I have - he knows the person who has spoken to me. He told me that she has a track record of playing the Devil’s Advocate, purposely saying things which are false, quoting verses out from context and ‘pick’ verbal fights with people, just to make them ‘think’. I seriously hope she is playing the devil’s adovcate ~ but please do tell me beforehand! I am not as clever as Sun Tzu to deduce when you are being serious and when you are not.

If she’s not play the Devil Advocate, oh no…off to roam the world again.

Shirley_Ujest · March 7, 2003, 5:05am

First, allow me to be the first to state: **Excellent Post ** !

Subject Matter: 10
Clarity: 10
Descriptiveness: 9.5 (Russian Judge.)

Secondly:

This is my argument with this crowd. Their arrogence ( or brain damage) astounds me.

I was in a snit one day and my SIL tells me:
“We talked to Jesus and he said it was ok to do this trip.”

Me, (floored), " You talked to Jesus. That explains everything. Why my family can’t get through to God because you are *talking about travel reservations. *"

I lost the final 2% of respect for her that day and since then , it is at a negative 65.
Anywhooo, this is not about *me *, its about *you *.

By feeling bad for not belonging or quitting or letting them get you down, they are winning. These parasites are mental terrorists, possibly of the worst kind. They prey on the emotionally weaker in an area that is everyones sanctuary, religion. They are power hungry attention whores and it is all about power, control and money and it is all done in the name of God. Not your God, but *Their * God, who is full of wrath and emotionally constipated.

You are stronger than you think. You left because this lifestyle was not for you. How many others inside of this cult wish they could get out but do not have a backbone and fear ridicule or rejection from God? If you allowed yourself to get sucked back in, you’d feel even worse and fall farther back to that floundering phase.

Find a place that agrees with who you are as a person. You have been scarred mightily and it will take awhile to lose that uncomfortable feeling regarding religion. When you find your place ( whether a phyical church or just you.) you stick to your groove and hold on tight. And you will heal from these nimrods and their quest for domination, cause that is exactly what it is all about and you were too smart for them.

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It’s not a crime. It is perfectly fine to by shy and quiet. With the way Reality TV is polluting the air, one would think that there are no shy, quiet types left. Heeeeey, why not make a reality show of introverts dragged in front of cameras…be a nice change from the attention whores who cannot sing.

If, by some freak chance, you encounter these people again, ignore them. Leave the room if possible.

In closing, I leave you with a pithy saying, by, interestingly enough, **Buddha **

*Believe nothing,
no matter where you read it
or who has said it,
not even if i have said it,
unless it agrees with
your own reason
and your own common sense. *

Shirley_Ujest · March 7, 2003, 5:05am