It’s going to be ok. Somehow, some way, we’ll figure it out. I solve problems. That’s what I damn do.
I have an old high school acquaintance going to see about pulling some strings. Maybe we will get 3 days away at the cabin after all. Who knows, we’ll see.
I feel like this whole thread is an ongoing pity party (it’s my party and I’ll die if I want to!) so I skipped my neuro stuff, but I have a severely inflamed nerve set off by that super stress cluster headache over a week ago, manifesting many trigger points in my neck, back, shoulder and under my collar bone. It’s exacerbated by my INTENSE jaw clenching in my sleep (I have ground my teeth into these flat horseshoes. I’ve not been able to wear my sleep bit because of that wicked extraction. If you really want some insight into my mind ask about my nightly nightmares…). So that’s just a loop of misery. I’m now on muscle relaxers and splurged today and bought a triggerpoint massage gun. So help me BY GOD I will ENJOY myself ON THE WEDDING DAY. I will beat this nerve into submission.
Speaking of The Wedding Day–I had this thought in the shower: I had a tacit, loose arrangement with my nephew to help bring my mom back from the wedding and situate her where ever we settled on. The night of the big “tell-me-off” from his wife (on behalf of the other cowards) she made mention that none of them will be going to the wedding (aka deliberately to make my mom another problem for me). She mentioned “why would (brother) help you when he’s not even invited to your wedding?”
This says so much to me: why WOULD the eldest son want to see his grieving mother in the hardest time of her life UNLESS it was transactionally beneficial to him??
This speak volumes to their intent, especially coupled with (bozo’s) last text that only read: “I can’t help with mom.”
I said “ok no problem I’ll figure something out” but then I realized that was a blanket statement moving forward: He will be no help from here on.
When I think about how I’m under investigation, and how I have to defend myself from all this bullshit and PROVE I’m not stealing money, handing over bank statements–having my garbage sifted through–every time I send a new document she goes “ok I’ll add it to the case file.”
Ok I think we need to have some of these texts in the case file, too. They PROVE none of them wanted to EVER or were EVER WILLING to help out or care for mom or interested in her well-being. They attacked me from the get-go and leveraged their grievances against THE GUILT of not having to help out–why would they help an asshole like me?? But they played their hand: they said in writing that they don’t care about seeing or helping mom, and their reason is because FUCK (ME). Know what I mean? It’s all personal attacks on me, and mom is just a pawn they are using to attack me.
I feel like this is relevant, it exists in writing, and I think it should be part of my case file.
Or maybe I’m just pounding sand.