I somehow managed to avoid my computer from Thursday afternoon until Saturday Morning. WOW that was nice.
I came across this story last night and watched it with the ol ball 'n chain after mom went to bed (did NOT want to her to see it). It strangely parallels some of what I’m feeling, although this is full on criminal conspiracy all the way up the bureaucratic ladder.
Anyway I feel like I learned some advice from it. 1, cameras just EVERYWHERE. Yes. 2, someone(s) we know and trust who can be on call for nights off, dates, errands, whatever…just a trusted hired hand.
But then there’s some defensive stuff–they said the trusted sister put all the vultures under “no trespass order” or “no trespass notice”–something like that. Is that a thing–a form you send to specific people?
I also read that in my state a “No Trespassing” sign posted at a reasonable point of entry serves as “notice to all”. We are heading to check on the house in a bit and I was considering stopping off to buy some signs to post around–but then I wonder if a bunch of sudden “no trespassing” signs might invite unwanted attention.
Last night some woman approached the front door barefoot and stumble drunk trying to get in (didn’t ring the bell just grabbed the latch and started hammering it down and shoving on the door). After it wouldn’t budge, she stumbled off on down the way…
Mom’s already getting paranoid about the house and her beloved stuff within. I don’t think I should tell her about the woman…I don’t know how to handle all this “truth” and how much of it to tell–
I’m fighting a battle in my brain because out-right lying out of convenience is a plum right there ripe for the picking. Example: I love the idea of a no trespass form sent to specific people. I think that would help bring my mom back from this paranoid state over the physical safety of her things. Now, I could follow through and do it and then have it in my pocket every time she’s worried BOOM we did THIS and she’ll be all “OH well that’s GOOD! That makes me feel BETTER!” because I know exactly how this goes. But I also could NOT DO ANYTHING and just tell her I did, the same way–and she’d get the same dopamine hit she needs to relax and feel better but none of it would be true.
I don’t want to get all semantical about Kurt Vonnegut’s concept of “foma” and other harmless truths…I just don’t want to lie to my mom. There’s been some things like last night where she caught the fringe of something that would have upset her and when she pressed for more details I said “mom not tonight. I cannot risk you getting upset and there’s nothing to be upset about so for those reasons and others I think we should talk about something more fun right now” and that was that. I don’t have to just LIE outright, at least not often.
This leads to another moral (and maybe even legal) quandary: exactly what all do I let her keep in her wallet? I found this site which has some great advice for navigating all kinds of ALZ care-giving issues…
That’s exactly what I was planning on doing: I scanned in all of mom’s IDs and insurance cards…my plan was to make duplicates for her and keep the real. But she’s not had much of an issue losing her wallet so far so I thought she should keep her real ID. But SHOULD she? Should she have a fake one with no ID theft information on it…? And I keep the real one in my wallet?
She likes having walking around money. She gets a small check from I don’t know what and she always wants to cash it every month. The other day she lost all her cash (about $100). I was like HOW? Why did you take it out of your money clip?!
When we got home I found she was “pressing” the bills under a marble coaster so they folded more flat.
I want her to have autonomy but I just keep finding things not to do. NO ACCESS TO PILLS. She just takes stuff to take stuff. First I left her vitamins then I realized she can take too much and that’s not good. Then I thought ok Tylenol is ok…but she stuffs some loose in her pockets on top of her squirreled pocket Kleenex, which means she drops them on the ground by accident all over the house. Ok well that’s DOG POISON so no more access to Tylenol.
Anyway hot stock tip: Kleenex or Puffs, because my mom…