Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!


“It’s a Major Award!”
“Shucks, I wouldn’t know that. It looks like a lamp.”

Basking in the warm glow of electric sex.

“Frajee-lay, must be Italian.”
“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”
“Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.”

They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.

“‘Be sure…to drink…your Ovaltine.’ …Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!”

Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand…

When did this film become an annual tradition? Right away, or was it a sleeper hit?

My brother just laid in the snow on his back and flopped his legs and arms back and forth like an overturned turtle. It was his only defense.

Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!

My mom claims her father wrestled with their furnace the same way Gavin McCloud did in the movie.

In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

[My father] worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.

Only I didn’t say “fudge”.

HO - HO - HO foot in the face

I guess this would be as good a place as any to ask if there are any fans of Jean Shepherd’s other works out there? Oh, and…

“It’s a clinker!”

Actually, it’s “Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.”

Not that it matters.

Nitpick: Darren McGavin. He wasn’t a Highlander!

My current Facebook profile pic.

Hubby bought the lamp a few years ago, and now for the third Christmas in a row it is positioned next to the Christmas tree in the front window. RuffLlama posed perfectly with it.

Mother: WHERE did you hear that word?

Adult Ralphie (voiceover): Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first name that came to mind.

Kid Ralphie: Schwartz!
Poor Schwartz.

Nor captain of the Love Boat.

“I want an official Red Rider carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle. :D”