Daft Definitions

For example:

Accelerate - To pass the celery.
Belfry - Having no bells.
Cursor - Someone who swears a lot.
Detail - De opposite end to de head.
Filofax - A device for sending flaky pastry over the phone network.
Hurricane - A motorised walking stick.
Jamaica - 4,840 square yards of jam.
Myth - A female moth.
Otter - What you get in an 'eatwave.
Zulu - A WC for caged animals.

More examples gratefully received!

Induction - The act of introducing ducks into a given space
Deduction - The act of removing ducks from a given space

Conducting - the art of ripping off ducks.
Air duct - a bird which can fly.
Abduct - a muscular bird.
Ducat - head-covering for an aquatic bird.
Diction - a bird which enunciates clearly.

Reduction - The act of vomiting after eating far too many crispy duck pancakes.

Production - the act of paying a duck.

photoconductive - cctv footage of bird deception

Prediction - the loud-mouthed chav who was there before the well-spoken duck.
Dutch - dyslexic duck.
Aqueduct - a water bird.
Antireductionism - Eating only a small amount of crispy duck pancakes.
Byproduct - Pimp of a bird which sells sexual services.

Ductile - Nicely decorated bathroom.
Introduction - an egg.

Transduction - birds cross dressing

Seduction - ocean-going bird.
Unproductive - amateur bird. syn=Chicken.

Cinema- Something your mother doesn’t want to tell you about.

Ticktock- Lecture about blood-sucking bugs.

Penitence- The result of dividing Pennsylvania into ten equal parts.

Smile – 5,280 sfeet

Cinch – 1/12 of a cfoot

Tweezer – Someone between the age of 50 and 70.

Battery - A place where bats are raised and bred
Crockery - A place where crocodiles are raised and bred
Forgery - A place where ironworks factories are raised and bred
Brink - A skating arena without any ice
Trouble - Entirely too much debris
Shed - An outbuilding used for storing discarded hair
Thong - A muthical piethe containing either inthtrumenal elementh, lyricth, or both
Estrange - That which is eweird
Trumpet - A domesticated animal companion which is better than all others
Beard - To have taken possession of a beer
Basic - To be made ill by excessive low frequency vibrations
Assist - A benign subcutaneous growth in the gluteus maximus region
Darn - A mild knitting curse
Upholstery - The act of wearing one’s sidearm in a strap around the chest, rather than affixed to the waist