Damn English Language!

The BBQ Pit
1

What on earth is the purpose of having a language in which nearly every other phrase is a euphemism for sex–or something related? And more and more keep being added, so you have to do damn web searches on words to see if they’ve become the sex act phrase of the day, before you use one in a speech or essay. There’s nothing more irritating than having a bunch of mindless high schoolers begin snickering midway through a speech because you’ve used a word that is SOMEHOW sex-related. No word is safe! For example, I will never again mention “shag carpeting” in front of anyone under the age of, say. 25. Or the words “suck”, “blow” and “gerbil”. The list goes on and on. Why don’t we just change every damn word in the language to “sex”? At least then we’d be honest.

I feel like Cassandra–
Everything she said was doomed to be disbelieved; whereas everything I say is doomed to be interpreted as sexual innuendo.

2

Language is a stupid form of communication.

::giggle:: I said “Communication”!

3

Well, sex makes the world go round (it’s what got you
here in the first place). (And) From my observation, there are few things in life more powerful than the drive to reproduce. It’s wired onto all our brains, and sometimes it acts like a virus to our normal thoughts–especially when excess hormones are floating around. Blame the Universe, cause it is the way it is. It wasn’t designed to be ideal. Then again, we’re part of the Universe and so are our thoughts…well i’m getting too off topic.

4

And, of course, “safe” also means “condom.”

5

You can’t have a good old-fashioned intercourse anymore without someone taking it all wrong.

6

Gee, and what’s wrong with sitting on my shag carpeting, with my pet gerbil in hand, intercoursing about how the rain sucks and the winds blow?? :smiley:

7

Inches toward a dirty reply…

Oeeer, I just thought of creosote, he he he!

Don’t get me going

Kneecap, whoooohooo

Telephone - oh yeah!!

8

Hey, Casdave, the flood waters were rising and I climbed up a CHERRY tree onto the roof, and now I’m trapped. Wanna COME over to this JOINT with your helicopter and BRING ME OFF?

Hey, Kiva, you ought to talk to MattMcL about dirty words in Esperanto. Hotto estuffo!

9

There was a comic strip that ran in the old Brit humor magazine, VIZ, entitled “Finbarr Saunders and his Double Entendres.” Poor schmuck went through life doubled over in dirty laughter at all the sexual meanings he read into his everyday conversations.

Mr. Gimlet (on Christmas morning): Downstairs to open your presents already? I see you’ve come in your pyjamas.

Finbarr: Arf! Arf! Gwoooaaar! Gwoooaaar!

Mr. Gimlet: I’ve just made your mother a spot of breakfast sausages. She likes to get a nice hot juicy thick pink one inside her first thing in the morning.

Finbarr: Fnarr! Fnarr! Yuk! Yuk! Fwoo! Fwoo!

10

One day, for some reason, my two sisters and I were talking about people with dirty minds. Now, at the time, my youngest sister was still fairly young and innocent, and she said something to the effect of how she didn’t understand how anybody could take any word or phrase and make it into something naughty. So we bet her that she couldn’t say anything that we couldn’t pervert somehow. Needless to say, she lost. The dialogue went something like this:

Youngest sister: Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?

Me: Oh, yeah! Bit of a dry spell we’ve been having, but I think we’ll see some MOISTURE moving in tonight!

Other sister: Yeah, good chance of THUNDER and LIGHTNING!

Me: So don’t expect to get much SLEEP…

Youngest sister: Okay, okay. How about “Look at that big red truck over there”?

Other sister and me: (trying hard to choke down laughter) Big… red… truck…?

Other sister: My, that truck certainly is BIG, isn’t it?

Me: And RED, too! It’s a big red truck with a THROBBING engine! Say, what is the big red truck doing?

Other sister: It is PARKING! It is PARKING in the GARAGE!

Youngest sister: You two are sick!

What can I say? We live in perverted times…

11

:stuck_out_tongue: :slight_smile: :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley: :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue: :eek: :wink:

12

Exactly, Bob. :wink:

13

One day at summer camp, I was hanging in my tent with a few buds when one of them mentioned that the rafting trip had been cancelled. I said “that sucks!” An adult counselor was present and berated me for my potty mouth.

I honestly had no clue what he was talking about, and I was 14 and becoming well-versed in curse words. My friends were just as confused as I was. To us, “sucks” was at most a degree worse than “stinks”. Hell, my mom used it, and I didn’t hear a “real” curse word pass her lips until I was well into my twenties (FYI, mom occasionally lets slip a well-deserved “shit”). Apparently, another word had been lost to sexual innuendo and four-letter word status.

It’s ridiculous.

BTW, if that camp counselor is on the boards, let me just say –

Fuck you, you goddamned motherfucking language nazi!! How dare you chew me out for using such a fucking innocuous word?! Eat shit and die!!

Wow, I feel better.

V.

14

(Pause here while I laugh myself into stitches over Silent Bob’s offering. First time I’ve ever found genuine sly humor in a mime.)

Blame not the language, Kiva; a native speaker of Spanish assured me that English isn’t nearly as well suited to subtle cursing and endless sexual innuendos.

Nay, the fault lies not in our language but smarmy minds; the Beavis and Butthead syndrome. ::shudders while that annoying, adenoidal snigger invades my synapses::

When you’re a nail, the whole world looks like a hammer. Oh, shit. Bad symbolism; now I’m doing it!

Veb

15

And when did ejaculation lose its true meaning?

16

When I was in fourth grade, we were reprimanded for using the workd “sucks”. Our punishment? Writing a whole dictionary page, including the true meaning of the word sucks!
My friend got nailed because a plane flew by and she said “Wow, that’s a loud sucker”
I got nailed because I yelled out in PE “That sucks bud, better luck next time.”
A full fucking dictionary page for that!
I didn’t understand then what the big deal is. I still don’t. But I didn’t use that word again for a long time
Fucking fourth grade teacher.

17

I got nailed for using the word “goose” in fifth grade. I don’t remember how I used it, but I was undoubtably referring to the animal. And that was 36 years ago.

18

You people should all be hung.
Such penetrating wit.

BTW - When did snow blowers become snow throwers? Why wasn’t I informed?

And didn’t anyone at the Snapper lawn mower company realize the connection?
And remember Wang?
And what about Fudruckers?

Once I couriered a medical file for a guy named Richard Super. Yep… “Super, Dick”
And what if George Bush had a son and named him Seymour? or a daughter named Rose?

19

Can’t even use “felch” in church anymore…

20

Kiva, I tried to find something in your original post that would could be construed as sexual innuendo so that I could make fun of it. I failed. You are quite the cunning linguist!