Damn grocery customers

I swear that it seems people’s common drops like a rock the second that they walk into a grocery store.

For starters:

Nine items means just that. Not ten, not 12. And guess what? Your 15 cans on cat food count as 15 items!

Checks for amount of purchase only. Sorry if you need cash, but we aren’t a bank, and have a limited supply of money for the day. Same goes for the people who want to cash a payroll check without a purchase, and for those who need change for the laundromat. I believe that there are change machines there!

Out of stock of a sale item. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe because everybody else and their uncle is coming in and buying the same item. And if the shelf is empty, then we are out. We are not hiding extra in our wherehouse for ourselves.

Forgot your ID at home? Then go back and get it ya friggin’ moron! On top of losing our liquor liscense, the individual employee can get in quite a bit of trouble for selling alcohol to a minor.

Look at the effing dates on the ads! We send them out early for you to plan your shopping ahead. I’m sure that if you got it the day of the sale you would still complain!

I don’t hear so much of these since my promotion, but I get to hear a whole new type of dumb comments:

Everyone is coming here to get food. Well no shit! I didn’t notice that. I did however notice that it is pushing 100 degrees over a holiday weekend. I guess I never put the two together!

Be careful when you’re slicing that. I can’t, too easy.

Typical conversation with customer:

Can I get (whatever)?

I"m sorry but the Deli is closed.

But I only need one thing.

Sorry, I close at ten.

Then why are you still here? (its 10:05)
Now what I’d like to say:
Mainly because slightly less moronic person decided to come in at 9:57 and fouled up my whole routine!

And I just can’t wait for the holidays to roll around again.

Why are we out of cranberry sauce? I’d guess because it’s Thanksgiving and we literally can’t keep enough in stock.

Upset about being turned away at 6:00 pm on Christmas Eve. Well, you should have planned ahead, and, believe it or not, we have families as well.
And I didn’t eve touch on the flat out abusive customers!

I give it a 2.0. And remember, the customer is always right. Unless, of course, they’re wrong.

What kind of rant was that? I want to hear about the abusive customers. :wink:

Heh, Hightechburrito, you sound like my son when he comes home from work at Kroger.

He works in the courtsey booth and everyday somebody does something to piss the boy off.

He came in last night bitching about a person who came in wanting a return and refund on a box of condoms, a fleet enema and a can of redi-whip.

When he was able to speak without laughing he asked the person if they had their reciept. Of course he did not.
So son was treated to the customer rantimg and raving for 20 minutes because the store would not allow him to get his money back.

It took son about 45 minutes to stop laughing long enough to tell us about it.

So be warned people the store employees do notice what you try to return and they do comment it on it.

No wonder the poor kid comes home everyday saying “I hate people”.

I work in the call center for a business that helps people pay their college tuition. For example, if you still owe the school $3000. after all your loans, grants and scholarships, we can put you on a payment plan for 10 months at $300. per month. Usually, the only other alternative is paying the school directly in one lump sum. We don’t charge interest or finance charges, so the way we make money is from holding the money for a few weeks before we forward it to the school.
We have to stick to the guidelines set by the school. The school decides the due dates, and the late fees.
You would not believe the stupidity of these people that call in.

Me: The payment is due on the first of the month.
Asshole: Well, what exactly does that mean?
Me: That means the payment is due on the first of the month, and if it is late you will be charged a late fee, and the school will be notified that you did not pay your bill on time.
Asshole: I can’t pay this month because I’m going on vacation.
Me: (I wish I could say this and not get fired) I’m sure your vacation is more important than your child’s’ college tuition, and I’m sure the school wouldn’t mind teaching your kid for free because you’re running around on the beach somewhere.

Asshole: Why was I charged a late fee!!!??
Me: Because your payment wasn’t received on the due date.
Asshole: I didn’t know there was a late fee!
Me: (Again, I wish I could say this) Well, if you opened your retarded eyes and actually read your Terms and Conditions that comes with the application that you filled out when you opened the account, you would see it, you moron.
BTW, the late fee grace period is 15 freaking days! You’re upset that you got charged a late fee because your payment was more than 2 weeks late?

Asshole: My son is blocked from his classes!! Why did You People block him???
Me: We don’t block people from their classes, that is the decision of the school. We are not located at the school, nor are we part of the school. If you have to talk to someone about your sons’ classes, you have to call the school.
Me: (Yet again, what I’d really like to say) Maybe the school felt that your precious son shouldn’t get his education for free, but should pay for it like everyone else. Maybe the school took exception to the fact that you did not pay you tuition bill for three months! Maybe Us People saw a picture of your son, and decided that he was way too ugly to get a college education, and maybe he’d be better off at the zoo with the other apes.

Then there are the people who are so fucking stupid, I can’t believe they made it through kindergarten.

Idiot: I need a transcript…can you fax it to me?
Me: You would have to call the school for something like that. You are calling the company that handles your payment program.
Idiot: Oh, OK, can you mail it to me then?
Me: No, because I don’t have it. You have to call the school.
Idiot: But I need it! Why can’t you send it to me?
Me: OK, you’re right…I’m just plain mean, and I don’t want you to have your transcript. Ha ha. In fact, I was planning as rolling it up and using it as a tampon next time I get my period.

Moron: Hi, umm, I got a full scholarship, do I, umm, still need to join the, umm, plan?
Me: Yes, you can make the checks payable to Blue Twylight, and send them to me at my home address. Thank you for your patronage.

Cretin: Do I have to send a check, or can I send cash?
Me: We discourage people from sending cash through the mail.
Cretin: So I can send it, right?
Me: I would not recommend it. It could get lost, and you would have no proof you sent it.
Cretin: I’m going to send it.
Me: OK, but there is a special address to send cash…let me give it to you…Address the envelope Blue Twy…

Fucking morons. I hate each and every one of them.

Laugh Oh… I’d love to have heard that story!

Oh boy!

Anchovy Paste: the only time I had someone ask me about this one, I had to repress an urge to barf. I honestly didn’t know if we did carry it, cause I was working in one of those supermegaultra grocery stores, where you can get a sandwitch, get your tires rotated, a haircut, travel plans to bermuda straightened out… and pick up a pound of ground beef.

Or the eternal “Paper of Plastic” question. It’s not like it’s final jeopardy or Regis standing there, people. Just pick one.

Carrying stuff out to a customers car, she had an older subaru, and wanted to stuff $350 dollars worth of food in it. Including two 50lbs bags of Dog Food. Sheesh, buy a truck!

Cashiers who think you exist for only their benefit.

My theory as a grocery store manager is that there are three levels operating for both staff and customers at the grocery store.

First is the surface level. Here most folks are just shopping and most store employees are just doing their jobs. 90% of customer-store transactions happen without incident. Small talk and money are exchanged, and pretty much each day happens just like the last. Thought has little or no place.

On the second level, the one that boils just below the surface, the customers and the store employees all hate each other. The customers resent that the cashiers are too surly and don’t pay them enough attention. The prices are to damn high, after all you can get it for 20 cents less down the street at the Chain That’s Bigger Than The One You’re In. And the staff is so much friendlier at the independent store at the Local Small Indy Grocer. The markets are incompetantly laid out, the cash lines too slow, the clerks are know-nothings, and the place is so fucking dirty.
The employees know the customers are morons who treat them like they, the employees, are the morons because they’re in the service industry. Customers couldn’t read a sign and get it if doing so would get them everything for free. Customers make the most absurd, dumb, goddam unreasonable demands and then threaten to take their business elsewhere as if the store would fucking fold if they got their pop tarts from a competitor. Hang out with a group of grocery store employees after work and listen. You’ll hear anti-customer diatribes long and loud enough to fill encyclopedic volumes of paper.
Watch a couple of superfluous things go wrong on an average Level I day, and see Level II erupt to the surface.

Then there’s the third level. It’s the egocentric level. Here customers and store employees operate just fulfilling their own needs. How individual weakness, intolerance, stupidity, marshmellowness, psychosis, and just plain bizarreness operate within that said individual will influence how the one functions at level I and II. This Level III is an interesting blend of id, need, and the actual desire that brought the person to the food store to begin with either as customer or employee.

Food stores are great because everyone goes to the food store except the hospitalized, the institutionalized, and the very, very rich. Most times these people are hungry. Not always for food. A grocery store holds too much humanity, I think.

Y’all dont even want me to tell some of my stories from working as an office feast at Food Lion. I hate 90% of all customers. And I’ve noticed that most of the troublrmakers are on EBT and not even paying for their food.

Picture this, the EBT system is down in the state. I have put signs on both entrances saying EBT is down. So this trailer trash moron comes through a line with about $250 worth of product and tries to pay with his fuckin EBT card! The cashier calls me over…

Me: Sir, I am sorry but the EBTs are down.
Moron: Well, I can’t do anything about that shit!
Me: Well, there is nothing we can do either sir, is there any other way you can pay?

Stunned Silence

Morons Wife: Do we want these groceries?
Moron: Hell yeah I want it, but theres no way in hell I’m paying for it.
Me: You fuckin moron!!! Buy your own damn shit for once in your life. (at least i shouldve said that)

What in the sam Hell is EBT? Electric Booger Taster? Ergonomic Booty Tamer? What?

–Tim

This is another thing that really pisses me off. I see the same people come in week after week and use food stamps or WIC. And do their cash purchases fit in with the fact that they are recieving government assistance, rarely. While I have no problem with the people who are legitamatley on these plans, it is the abusers that get to me.

I see people buy food with their coupons and then they pony up their cash for their alcohol and tobacco products. It is very common for their cash purchase to match or excede the amount of the food stamps.
It seems that we get more abusive customers during the holidays. Mainly because people do not realize that it is the busiest time of the year, and we literally cannot have enough people working.

And it is always fun to tell customers that they cannot come in the store at 6:30 pm, on Christmas Eve.

What do you mean you are closing? I need to shop for my family!

I guess that they assume we don’t have families to go to as well.

This often escalates into cursing on their part, and me turning away, then them cursing more. Lots of fun.

I assume it’s some sort of financial assistance, like food stamps, but I can’t figure out for the life of me what the initials could be… EBT??

I don’t know what exactly EBT stands for but that’s what the Pennsylvania food stamp program is called, I guess they get a credit card type card that gets credited with a certain amount of money each month instead of them receiving the paper food stamps.

I don’t see anyone complaining about the odor.

That surprises me. Having work part of my way though college as a cashiered if anyone had asked me what sucked the worst, my first reaction would have been THE ODOR!!

There are a LOT of folks out there who just plain STINK!!

A friend of mine used to work at the service desk at a grocery store. She told me that one day she got a phone call that went like this:

Customer: I just bought some cottage cheese at your store and it’s moldy.

Friend: I’m sorry about that. Bring it over here and we’ll give you a new one.

Customer: No! We want to eat it NOW!

Friend: That’s fine. Just come in now and we’ll replace it.

Customer: But we want to eat it NOW!
She said that went on for about 10 minutes and the customer yelled at her and slammed the phone.

I’ve got some hairdresser stories if anyone is interested…

I’d like to hear your hairdresser stories, MaryAnn.

Re: the cottage cheese anecdote: maybe the caller was one of the Jerky Boys. Did he have a “goom-ba” accent, or a Mid-Eastern one?

E.B.T.–Electronics Benefits Transfer–ATM transactions for foodstamps.

Here’s my favorite one. I chose it because it’s mostly about how customers can be, which is what this thread is really about, and not about hair per se.

Customer: I am a teacher and I’m calling for one of my students who doesn’t speak english. She was in your shop and got charged for a shampoo which she didn’t get. Why did you do that?

Me: We don’t charge for shampoos. They are free; we don’t have separate prices if you get a shampoo or not.

C: Well, she wasn’t even offered one!

M: I’ll look into it. When was she here?

C: On Sunday.

M: We’re not open on Sundays. Could it have been Saturday?

C: No, it was Sunday. And Ellen did it.

M: We don’t have an Ellen here. There’s a shop down the hall…could she have gone there?

C: mumbling in the background No, she went to yours. You’re xxx. right?

M: Yes, but as I said, we aren’t open on Sundays and don’t have an Ellen here. I’ll see if it was Saturday. I check Saturdays schedule No, her name isn’t on the books. How much did she pay?

C: She paid xxx.

M: That’s what they charge in the shop down the hall. I do know that charge more if you shampoo. We charge xxx.

C: NO! She was at YOUR place!

M: I don’t know what to tell you. It isn’t even in the computer that she was in ever at any time. Like I said, we aren’t open Sundays and the shop down the hall is. We don’t charge for shampooing and the shop down the hall does. We don’t have an Ellen and the shop down the hall does. We don’t charge xxx and the shop down the hall does.

C: (a bunch of yelling…I pretty much ignored it). And I WILL call back!

She never did. I must have been gasp! RIGHT!

I’m very nice to customers but if they are wrong I do NOT back down. Ever.

But, see, there’s another side to that coin. This has happened to me more than once: I’m at the grocery store, standing dutifully in line with a half-full cart. The checker working the express lane runs out of customers and, rather than just standing around waiting for someone with fewer than 10 items to show up, they call me over to the express line (some will even move my cart over themselves). I appreciate it when this happens; it shows a very good work ethic and consideration on the part of the checker.

But, when they’re half-done checking out my groceries, someone with only a few items comes to the express line and throws me a dirty look. Hey, I didn’t ASK to be here, bitch! The express lane wasn’t my first choice! Don’t give me the Evil Eye just because the checker wasn’t busy and wanted to move people out of the store! Sheesh…I shouldn’t have to explain myself just because the store wants to keep lines moving.

Wow. I too work in service, but at least at a bookstore, my customers are at least literate! (99% of the people I deal with are intelligent, nice people. I’m lucky.)