jeevmon, your email to your mother was perfect! You showed both restraint and firmness. My mother is 90 and from time to time I still have to say, “I choose not to discuss it with you.” Sometimes it needs repeating. Sometimes I have to smile and walk away. One time I had to use a more desperate measure:
A couple of years ago my mother walked into her guest room without knocking. She knew that my husband and I were in there. We were dressing for bed – in other words, undressing. I expressed my dismay and said, “You’ll have to excuse us please.” She ignored me. She had come in to get something out of the closet. When she couldn’t find it, she continued to rummage around. The woman would not leave. So I got naked. You have never seen a little old lady move so fast.
I understand your frustration. Just let it roll off.
Ah, the joys of being a brownie in North America ← I have special dispensation to use that term from all my Indo and Sri Lankan friends that I’ve known since age 4
One female friend of mine is now 31, and was recently described in a magazine article about her family as being a virgin. This description is mostly because she managed to confuse the interviewer, since it sure as hell ain’t the truth, but her dad was extremely happy.
Every Indo I know has gone through this-- double if they’re dating a white person.
I read somewhere that children of parents who were openly demonstrative of their affection were less likely to become promiscuous* than those whose parents were uptight (much like kids of teetotalers are more likely to binge drink when they go to college than kids of moderate drinkers). My personal observations agree with this.
*Not to say that all casual sex is psychologically damaging, just that some personality disorders are acted out sexually. We’ve all seen/been people who’ve concentrated on getting laid instead of living satisfying lives.
My wife works with an Indian woman whose daughter is a goddess incarnate. Everytime she (the mother!) goes to a party, the mothers of young Indian men are hitting on her to set their kids up.
That must lead to a lot of weird converstions, as young Indian men assimilate into American culture - before they can go out at night to hit the singles bar, they have to call their moms and learn some good pick-up techniques!
Wow. My ex-fiance’s parents insisted, when we visited them, that we be in separate rooms. Actually, we ended up on separate FLOORS. This was in late December. I wasn’t about to mention to them that I’d been having S-E-X with their darling baby boy since February!
At least you can stand up to your parents. He didn’t even know HOW. We didn’t mind the separate rooms bit – though the month before MY parents had put us together on the sofa bed (and no, we didn’t do anything beyond cuddle, the thought of getting caught by my parents is !!!) – but they turned out to be frighteningly controlling in other ways as well.
Well, this is the first time I’ve “stood up” to them on something important to me. So we’ll see how it goes. They haven’t tried to call me yet, but I suspect that it’s because they don’t really want to acknowledge the fact that I am living with jeevgurl.
It’s a recent development, and not something we’re doing as a relationship stage. Because of a bad prior relationship, jeevgurl is opposed to the idea of open-ended noncommittal cohabitation. Bottom line: she won’t move in unless we’re engaged. The cohabitation right now is because I am presently buying a new home, and due to quirks of fate that are frustrating to even discuss, I have to be out of my old home before the new home is ready to move into. So, the two alternatives were to store all or most of my stuff and rent a furnished apartment all to preserve the parents’ sense of decorum, or just go and spend the other half of the week with jeevgurl and jeevdawg. I chose the latter, since moving and storage is going to be inconvenient enough as it is without adding the hassle of finding temporary lodging. And even though my parents have paid lip service to the idea that this is fine, I think they’re still not thrilled about it, and would prefer not to acknowledge that it’s going on.
