I’m thinking that if we add in some paprika and a little oregano, and accompany it with, say, a glass of Black Opal 1997, your ass might not be half bad.
No way! I love the Food Network! Mario and his orange shoes rock! And yes, I defy all of you and admit that I love Martha! HA!
Alton Brown is my hero! I love his presentation and I actually get what he is doing!
Now, Jaime Oliver is so close to my style of cooking, I just love him and can overlook his “poor-boy-living-in-a-3000-pound-a-month-flat-with-unbelievably-hot-woman-friends and-jetsetting-Eurotrash-male-friends” schtick! Now I dont cook like him all the time but when I do, you could film me and you couldnt tell the difference.
Mario makes me want to cook Italian food and it’s not my favorite cuisine.
Emeril gets to live because we share a love for pork and pork related products, but it’s a tenuous thread keeping me from ordering a hit on the Portagee jackass!
No no no! Iron Chef rules, and almost everything else sucks, but don’t mess with Alton Brown. His show Good Eats has the chemistry and technology stuff covered as well as the recipe. And he COULD kick Emeril’s ass, but probably he’d just send him to see W.
Vicki
I’m cool with Martha. What’s so cool about her is that she’s so damned brittle that one day, she’ll snap. There was a show last summer where she had her brother on and the brother was going to show everyone how they made their famous <fruit> pie. The brother casually scattered flour all over the counter. Martha, in her tight, brittle voice said something about how “of course, it’s important to use the VERY BEST flour, but we don’t have to be careless with it” and kind of dabbed at the flour while he was trying to roll out the crust. He made a comment like “Hey sis, lighten up” and flicked some flour at her. She looked like she was about to explode. Great fun.
Nope: Alton Brown rocks, Iron Chef rocks, Martha rocks…in a brittle way, Naked Chef kinda rocks, if only because we get to see all those cool British Markets. I supect he’d rock less to Brits. Two Fat Ladies rocked, Mario rocks (but not his evil twerp of a side-kick (who plays the psycho French Chef on Alton Brown’s show…did you know that?))
David Rosengarden ruled, when he was around.
Haven’t gotten a feel for Wolfgang Puck yet. The one episode I saw he seemed like an annoying little gnome who needed to be slapped, but apparently I saw a bad episode.
The Food 911 guy is mostly harmless, despite his Bobby Flay Smarm-tendencies. (And his condesention. Dad wanted to make his wife home-made waffles, Food911 guy told him to get a box of instant mix. What the fuck? I thought this was a cooking show)
Sara Moulton sucks in the current “live” format. It’s pathetically obvious that she’s not comfortable live, she’s nervous and rushed. She makes me edgy to watch her and when she has guests, she’s (because she can’t cope with the time/format) rude as hell (“That’s very nice. Let’s skip it and move on”) On taped shows she’s magnificent. Sara, babe: trust me…bring back the pony tail and start filming your shows again. Take deep, cleansing breaths. Calm. Serenity Now.
Booby Smarm-meister Flay sucks, Emril sucks, but not as bad as Bobby.
Thus I have spoken and I sayth no more.
For now 
Fenris (at home, chugging an family cold remedy and relaxing as the cold medicine kicks in.)
Oh, yes! The two fat ladies were great! But now they only play the reruns at 10:00 Sunday morning. Bummer!
I like Alton Brown, too. He rocks.
Bobby needs to get his butt whooped by the Iron Chef again. It obviously didn’t humble him enough the first time around.
Note to self: Next time Alton Brown comes on, don’t change the channel.