Dan Rather: FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU!

The BBQ Pit
1

On tonight’s news, CBS presented a report on the various memorial services that were conducted today throughout the world. It was very touching. Everywhere, people dropped everything they were doing to reflect on what has happened. In Portugal people stopped their vehicles in the middle of traffic and bowed their heads. Of course, it concentrated mostly on the British service, which is fine because it was a great service, with the congregation in St. Paul’s singing “The Star-Spangled Banner.” A magnificent moment.

They ignored Canada’s service, which I expected, but still, we had 100,000 people show up for a service that was planned mere hours before, and that should tell you how much we care.

So when the report is over, here comes ugly old Dan Rather and the first thing he says to the correspondent is “Well, Bill, this is all fine and good, but when it comes time to do something, except for Britain, how many of these - quote - friends - can we count on?” Yes, he said the word “quote” before friends.

Hey, Dan; Go fuck yourself, you greasy old peice of shit. You’ve been polluting Walter Cronkite’s chair for so long you think the world owes you respect, but we couldn’t care less if you took your doddering, confused uberego and your railroad songs and jammed them straight up your ass! Just the British, huh? Well, gosh almighty Jesus, I guess Canada can just suck raw eggs. I guess the fact that 200 or so of our citizens were murdered by the terrorists just rolls off our backs like water off your toupee, huh? We certainly can’t have the slightest interest in avenging them, can we? I guess the fact that Canadian are lining up at the blood banks in such vast numbers that they’re running out of syringes and bags EVERY FUCKING DAY means nothing, and I guess taking in stranded Americans mean nothing, and I guess you just can’t trust us to help out when the war comes because God knows we didn’t help in Kosovo - oh wait, we DID fight in Kosovo! Well, we didn’t help in the Gulf W… oh, no, we were there too. I won’t go back to the World Wars since you’ve probably forgotten everything before this June anyway, you stupid peice of shit.

And of course, I guess the Europeans cannot be trusted, because we all know what dishonorable bastards they are, and the fact that they, and Japan, and Australia, and God only knows how many other countries lost their sons and daughters to the filthy bastards who did this doesn’t matter to them either. Those must have been crocodile tears, right, Mister Psychic Anchorman Fuckstick?

And your rationale for this? The other countries want to see some evidence before they start bombing. Well, I hate to break the news to you, Newsboy, but SO DOES THE UNITED STATES. Have you noticed the U.S. government hasn’t bombed anyone yet, or invaded anyone? That’s because they’re waiting for the proof, too. You’re so full of your own shit you can’t even see through the feces welling out of your tear ducts.

Well, Rather, lick my crusty ass hairs, you shiteating oxygen thief. Here we stand at the end of a day when the civilized world had, through not just official channels but a MASSIVE outpouring of spontaneous demonstrations of solidarity and brotherhood, demonstrated its unswavering support of the USA and the ideals of freedom and justice we allshare, a moment unlike anything we have seen for fifty years, and you imply we’re all a bunch of liars and hypocrites. Well, fuckface, you’re 1/280,000,000 right when it comes to me, anyway. There’s 279,999,999 Americans I’ll help any way I can, but there’s one I wouldn’t spit on if he was on fire, and his name rhymes with Flan Blather.

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** RickJay **,

Not that I have one iota of the forum that Danny boy does, but I think I speak for a fair number of US citizens (at least ones I’ve talked to). The other 279,999,999 (or so) of us will never forget Canada’s response from the very beginning of this. How many other countries would say “Sure, you can divert possibly hijacked planes here”?

Don’t listen to the talking head, your Southern neighbors did notice, do apreciate, and WILL remember.

Next time I’m in the GWN, I’ll hook up with ya for a few frosty Labatt’s anytime.

3

Here Here…

4

Canada kicks ass.

Don’t let the newscasters get to you. Being on 24 hour coverage, they are saying all kinds of crap. 4,000 FBI agents are looking for evidence, the military is putting together dozens of contigency plans, senators are emphasizing that we will respond in a rational and level-headed way, and then you go to the newscaster and they are asking people “How soon are we going to bomb Afghanistan?” In some ways the coverage has been great, but at other times they really just start getting stupid.

Except for on these boards, I have heard nothing about all the great things Canada is doing. It may be that I am trying to ween myself from 18 hours a day of coverage, but I have mostly heard snippets on Britain. But you are appreciated.

5

I’m no apologist for Dan Rather, but perhaps Canada wasn’t mentioned because it’s already a foregone conclusion that Canada would help us out (even more so than Britain). I can’t think of another country that’s closer to us (not just geographically) - we’re like sister countries, in my mind. I’ve never in my life heard any Americans badmouthing Canada or its policies, and I’ve been in the military, surrounded by jingoistic rednecks (not an attack on the military in general, but there are more than a few in the ranks) without a kind word for most “foreigners”. Don’t let it get to you. Maybe he was just being an idiot, or maybe, as Rossarian speculated, he was punchdrunk. Either way, we definitely do appreciate you guys. Except Paul Scaeffer.

6

I’ll second most of what was said here about appreciating Canada and their support, but to be honest I’m still a little peeved about Celine Dion and Bryan Adams. :wink:

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Dan is to be pitied, not scorned.
The poor man has never been the same since that “Kenneth, what’s the frequency?” business.
Do you remember when CBS was in all that turmoil, and Dan would sign off each night by looking into the camera and saying “Courage”? His attempt at looking homey and breezy by wearing a SWEATER VEST? Did you catch him a few days ago telling an on-scene reporter how to breathe? Some guy was at the site, on cell phone, and sudeenly everyone was evacuated because there was concern a building was going to collapse. The reporter is running, trying to get info, and trying to report, and Dan is saying " Bill, Bill, put your shirt over your mouth, cover you mouth with it. Now breathe through your mouth, big deep breaths", like he’s Master of the Art of Breathing. The guy is a complete boob, totally hopeless. But he wants to come across as folksy, smart, and willing to ask the “tough questions”, hence the “friends” remark. He’s like the moron at a funeral who tells the grieving widow to check and make sure they put her husband’s pants on cause they like to steal 'em, ya know. He thinks he has the “courage” to address the things that have to be addressed but that no one wants to, while everyone else just cringes at the complete inappropriateness of it.

CANADA: Steadfast friend. Like the quiet neighbor who is always there making sure they really are just leaving a package, or letting you shower when your water heater breaks. And a neighbor who won’t hesitate to step in if they’re NOT leaving a package.

I have distant relatives in the Canadian Armed Services. Maybe I just don’t keep up on things the way I should, but I had no idea how many peacekeeping operations there are going on all over the world. Want to keep track of them? The Canadians are involved in all of them. Just good citizens to the whole world.

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I think woodstockbirdybird has a point. We don’t really consider Canadians to be foreigners–more like brothers and sisters. We live next to each other, we visit freely (something I hope is not a casualty of this week’s events), in a lot of places we even use each other’s coins. We don’t always see eye to eye, but we know you’ll be there in the crunch.

This can come off as indifference, but for most of us it’s not. Certainly I greatly appreciate what Canada has done for the US this week, and I believe that’s true for the vast majority of Americans.

(And when we identify the ignorant yoohoos who don’t appreciate it, they–and Dan Rather, who I never liked in the first place–will be sentenced to drink only Miller Lite for the rest of their miserable lives.)

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I live very far away from Canada. I have never been to your fine country. I have only met a handfull of Canadians in my life. They were very nice and polite people (even though they were sweating their ass off in the Mississippi summer heat). It never crossed my mind to think that you would not do everything in your power to assist us in our time of need. I know we would do the same for you if our places were reversed. That is what neighbors do for each other. So don’t let what some talking head says get you down, I know that all of America deeply appreciates all that you have done for us. Thank you.

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Ya know, The US and canada are more than just friends. Were like siblings (like Mysterr Ecks eloquently points out), I mean, what other nation do we blatantly threaten to invade in an off handed manner?

Only Canada, cause they know we’re just kidding. If anyone here has ever sat down to a table of beers with Canadians and Americans consuming, you know.

There will always be tons of good natured ribbing. From complaints about the beer, to scenarios involving lots of Seagrams, hockey players, a substance called goose grease and a bear.

As far as the Canada’s commitment goes, look here

http://www.geocities.com/p_birdman/canada.jpg

Says it all to me.

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As a canadian I am not particularly offended by this. I think Rather was contemplating what level of military support could be counted on. In this area any contribution we can make would be more for the purpose of showing solidarity than any meaningful addition of resources.

As for other countries, while the “quote” may have been a bit much it is realistic to remember that any of the other large players will continue to have their own agendas. Even here any question of a military contribution will be the subject of debate and will depend on the nature of the response decided on by the white house.

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Dont bother clicking that link. Geocities won’t let it display from a message board. Ill Have to put it on a doc named index.html first.

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I’d say Dan Rather’s letting his old journo cynicism show.

He’s grey, and he’s showing his age. Let it go.

BTW, there’s Australia who I’m sure will be in the shortlist of helpers. Maybe NZ, but we’re small and kinda short on readies. And how about NATO? Aren’t NATO “friends”?

Feh. Guy knows squat.

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If it’s any consolation, my son, who’s just five months old, laughs at Dan Rather. This is not “dad’s making fart noises,” or “mom’s tickling me” kind of laughing, we’re talking about serious cackling here. From the mouths of babes, eh?

15

Mr. Rather doesn’t speak for us, and on the occasion, he was burning the candle at all ends.

The United States has friends and allies like Britan and France. You would think that is as close as nations get. And then we have the world’s longest undefended border with Canada. For over 200 years. We love Canada as much as we do the United States, except that it is a sovereign country. The people are free, kind, humble, generous and selfless. We remember June 6, 1944 and Canadians, British (and UK troops) storming beaches in Normandy with us. We remember Canadias suggling Americans out of Tehran in 1979 at the risk of their own lives. The United States shares its most sensitive military defense (NORAD) with only one other nation, Canada. We haven’t forgotten.

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CBS might not have shown it, but I saw a part of Canada’s service on NBC. The gentleman (a Mountie?) singing has a powerful voice. Very nice.

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“Now, now. The Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions.”

  • The Canadian Minister of Movies, South Park
    Shaky Jake:

For some reason, I thought it was Ted Koppel who got beaten up by the “What’s the Frequency Kenneth?” guy, but you’re right. It was Rather. He deserved it.

I think the guy was just pissed off Walter Cronkite retired.

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Well, for some reason Canadians get insulted by this, but we feel so close you, our northern brothers that we forget you are a seperate country.

In all seriousness though, we didn’t miss it. And we do take Canada for granted. I always assume that Canada will get out backs. I know that if Canada were ever attacked there would be hell to pay, the United States would take it as if we were attacked ourselves. At least that’s what I think and hope would happen.

I don’t know if this is any consolation, and I truly can only speak for myself, but when you talk about your allies they are like your friends, you wonder which ones are really gonna have your back. However you know that if your brother is there, they’ve got your back no question, and that’s how I feel on the subject. As much shit as we give Canada on all things, it’s always like the brother syndrome. You give your brother shit, but if someone else does they are gonna bleed and I think that Canada has proved that to us plenty in this, not that there was a question in my mind before.

We appreciate everyhing that Canadians ever do, and trust me, even if I can’t speak for the US, if Canada were attacked I would take it personally as well. if this had been Toronto and not New York, I think we’d be waiting to see what Canada wanted to do to the bastards.

I don’t think that Dan Rather doubts Canada, in all honesty, I just don’t think there are many countries that share a relationship as Canada and the US do, so sometimes we forget.

Here’s to not forgetting. And this goes out to England and Israel as well because I am pretty sure we will be able to count on them without any kind of politicking to garner support.

Erek

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At a different time we might take offence but when watching that carnage most of us forget as well.

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Now, now, don’t get in a lather about Rather. That dude has been nuts for at least 10 years. Remember the hissy fit he threw when he got preempted for a sports event? Remember when George HW Bush reminded him of that, and he blew a gasket? Remember the absolutely priceless blather he spewed on election night 2000 (“This election is as tight as a too-small bathing suit in a long trip home in the car from the beach”)? He’s now even sporting the mental patient haircut to really complete the effect.

And he wasn’t asking the question about the Canadians. It was clearly directed to the French. Who are already retracting from their whole-hearted support of the US in this matter…