My father was physically and emotionally abusive. Several times in my life he told me that I’d dance on his grave. I had a general idea that it meant being very disrespectful, or “dissing.” And when he finally died, I hung around until everyone else was gone, and did a brief little dance on his grave. It made me feel great.
Anyone else familiar with this phrase, and even acted on it like I did?
Familiar with the phrase for sure! Never heard of anyone actually ever doing it. Glad you got some enjoyment out of it (and waited for everyone else to leave first!).
Moderator Action
Since this is more of an informal poll than a factual question, let’s move it to IMHO.
Moving thread from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion.
Yes, It is very disrespectful. To get the full disrespectful impact, it should be done directly after the funeral. Make sure that the guests see it done. My brother thinks that during the funeral would be best. A jig is the preferred dance for this I have been told.
Like you, I had a not so good dad. My brother & I did refrain from saying anything at the funeral or at anyone’s home. We did view the body privately, just make sure that he really was dead.
I dearly wanted to dance on his grave, but due to family considerations, and an abundance of easily offended relatives, I chose not to. No need to stir the pot. Maybe next time I am visiting relatives, I will do so. I will bet it feels good!
Never danced, but deliberately snuck into a graveyard and pissed on someones grave.
Never had the chance to physically dance on someone’s grave, but on occasion I’ve played this song on repeat. (Most recently with Fred Phelps.)
One of Spanish punk band’s Siniestro Total’s greatest hits is called Bailare sobre tu tumba, I’ll dance on your grave:
I’ll kill you
with my taps shoes
I’ll throttle you
with my ballet tights
I’ll hang you
with my tails
and you’ll die while the DJ laughs.
And I’ll dance on your grave,
and I’ll dance on your grave…
The Gramps from Hell doesn’t have a grave, plus I wouldn’t have been arsed look for it, but I did dedicate him a sardana - it’s a traditional folk dance, tipical of Catalonia, and one of his charms was to speak Catalan to “Castillians” and Spanish to those who preferred Catalan; he wanted us grandkids to learn sardanas until it turned out we liked them, at which point he did all he could to keep us from joining in whenever they were being danced.
If the deceased person doesn’t see you dancing on his grave - and if nobody else is around - I don’t quite see a point.
Eh, I get it. It’s like a victory celebration…I’m still here to enjoy sunsets and friends and cocktails and sunshine, and you’re not ever going to have any of that, ever again.
I really cannot see how a person could dance on a freshly buried grave. Its a large mound of loose dirt. Maybe a year later or so.
In Southern Europe they get tombstones, and they’re often collective for multiple generations of a whole family. Mind you, dancing on a marble slab carries a large risk of falling on your ass… can you imagine having to call an ambulance because someone was dancing on a grave, fell down and broke a leg? Oops!
Quite frankly, I dont think it proves anything. If you hated a relative why didnt you tell them off when they were alive?
I’m familiar with the expression. I had no idea people really took it literally.
The idea sounds more like a moral defeat than a victory to me personally; the person is dead, yet you’re still holding on to the fact that they hurt you in some way. I guess it could be a closure thing for some people, but it just doesn’t seem like it to me.
Any easy-to-follow choreography would be greatly appreciated, panache45. I’d like to practice in front of my stepmother before she dies so I’ll never be accused of doing it behind her back.
I want one of those high heel kicks involved, and she’s getting’ on. So get to it, eh?
New to the area, a neighbor suggested we watch the fireworks display of a nearby community together. He carried a blanket and led the way up a hill behind his house. After a 15 minute hike we exited the woods at the top of the hill where several dozen other folks were already present, sitting around on blankets, in a freaking cemetery.
The hilltop looked down on the neighboring community and was indeed the ideal spot to view their fireworks, but I never returned. A cemetery?
Maybe they did tell them off. I can see the act as being cathartic for some.
Fandango
noun. pl. fadangos. a lively Spanish dance in rhythm varying from slow to quick 3/4 time;
music for this;
a foolish act.
It has nothing to do with dancing. It’s an expression that colorfully says that you will outlive the person, and will still be able to dance when he is dead.
Remember the famous quote from Khrushchev, when he spoke in America, and he said “We will bury you”? The US media interpreted it to mean “We will destroy you” and took it as a thrat, but in fact, it was simply a prediction – an old Russian expression that means “We will outlive you”, and be present at your funeral, in that sense meaning that the Soviet Union would still be alive, when the USA became a failed state with a broken economy.
So dancing on one’s grave just means to say that I will be alive and well and healthy enough to dance, when you have a grave to be danced on. It is a case where a colorful expression engendered a literal idea, rather than the other way around.
If he did this on a grave, would it be a grim fandango?
You’ll see at the end of the incest documentary Just Melvin, Just Evil that they don’t actually dance on his grave, but they do come pretty close.