My mother’s going to be watching this again…cheese-a-rama or not, she can’t resist a televised dance competition. And what the heck, there was some good stuff last season. Here goes.
Laila Ali - Rick Reilly said it best: There are much, much better female boxers who deserve the hype this coattail-rider is getting. Haven’t seen any reason to expect much from her.
Billy Ray Cyrus - Easily one of the most marginal stars in this event, so he’s a big question mark. Probably looking at a middle elimination.
Clyde Drexler - Now that Michael Jordan has an absolute 100% ironclad monopoly on NBA prestige for the next 20 years or so, pretty much anyone else is a safe pick. Has tremendous dexterity and will go far, but no free ride from the audience a la Jerry Rice.
Joey Fatone - Don’t ever underestimate boy banders; they wouldn’t have had that much success unless someone really liked them. Should definitely be entertaining.
Shandi Finnessey - Dunno. It depends.
Leeza Gibbons - Dang, haven’t heard about her in a while. Could be boom or bust depending on how popular she is now.
Apolo Ohno - Much like John McEnroe, his greatest accomplishment is getting America to closely follow a sport it really didn’t give much of a damn about before. Definitely has the physical tools; if he takes this seriously, he could win this thing.
John Ratzenberger - I’m totally with twickster on this, and I hope for all the world that he sticks around for at least a while. This isn’t the friggin’ Stanley Cup, and it needs a comic personality to keep things fun more than ever. I hated it when Dan Patrick had to leave so soon, and everyone should be rooting for Ratzenberger to make this silly contest watchable.
Paulina Porizkova - Stacy Kiebler had a dancing background and plenty of physical work in the WWE and just flat-out burned up the stage (I still think she would’ve won if she hadn’t made some really horrible decisions near the end). Somehow, I’m not expecting the same here. What happens when a supermodel has to…well, move?
Ian Zeiring - And…this guy. Well-known show, but will it carry over?
Who else? Oh, right, the sacrifical lamb.
Heather Mills - For the life of me, I cannot see any reason to put her on other than to provide the obvious first elimination and give a first-round stumbler time to recover (after Dan Patrick, that’s understandable). Which could’ve been easily prevented by not having eliminations, or having a single cut at some point instead of this bleedin’ gospel one-one-one. Anyway, one and done, goodbye, blink and you missed her. (Over-under for one-leg jokes becoming completely old hat: Tuesday.)