Darn You, Pregnancy Hormones!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m a weepy mess. I have 5.5 weeks to go in this pregnancy and I’m going to need to buy stock in Kimberly-Clark if I continue in the way that I have.

Everything makes me cry.

I Googled the lyrics to You’ll Never Walk Alone for the Cafe Society thread about the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, and I read them, and I cried. Now, that wasn’t terribly unusual, the song has always brought a lump to my throat at the best of times, but then it worsened.

I read the thread and saw Shirley Ujest’s story about the loss of her brothers and what t-keela shared about the diagnosis of both his wife and daughter, and then I was a crumpled heap upon my bed.

I turned on the television to get a bit of respite, and in surfing, I landed upon Sister Act 2. Yes, the cheesier sequel to the cheesy Whoopi Goldberg flick. But I watched, as it was nearing the end and I enjoy the music in the choir competition segment. But when Lauryn Hill started singing Joyful, Joyful, the tears started yet again, and were flowing freely when the song was over and the channel was changed.

I made the mistake of switching to CNN. 5 more US soldiers killed, this time in the new action in Afghanistan, 2 more in Iraq as well. The continuing, unfolding, bizarre and awful story about Brian Wells, the man killed with a bomb cuffed around his neck after robbing a bank in Erie. Tens of thousands of people mourning passionately over the death of Ayatollah Al-Hakim in Najaf, Iraq. The Mets actually win a game. Tears, tears and more tears.

At this point, I was just a soggy mess. I didn’t even have any more tears, I was literally dried up, feeling parched, sprawled across damp pillows and surrounded by a wreath of crumpled tissues. I called Mr. tlw to bring me a liter bottle of water lest I dehydrate.

This has been going on for a week. I’ve cried over the stupidest things, I’ve cried harder over awful things. I’ve cried in confusion over my feelings about items in the news, like the overturning of 100+ death penalties in western states. I’ve cried because UnbornBabytlw will never know either grandfather, then I cried because I was missing my father for myself. I cried for Pittsburgh Steeler Joey Porter because he got shot. I cried because my sweet little dog came in, jumped up into my bed and lay cutely at my feet.

I’ve never before been this quick to break down. My eyes are burning. My throat is scratchy. My nose is as red and swollen as W.C. Fields’s. I am, to put it mildly, wrung out.

I will never last till October 6 at this rate. This is disgusting.

I turn to my Doper friends; advice, encouragement, even jokes are welcome at this point. Please, I beg you, help a poor little bed-bound pregnant woman, won’t you?

2

I totally sympathize with your situation (not enough to cry over it myself, however :wink: ) I’ve been there and done that twice! So, in the spirit of lifting your spirits, I’m sending along some jokes that made me smile when I received them in my email:

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was great.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

“Doc, I can’t stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.” “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s not unusual.”

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!”

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What, just because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ‘no, the steaks are too high.’

I went to a seafood disco rave last week… and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “dam.”

3

Bwah ha! :smiley:

4

Just so everyone knows, I cried when I realized that no one else posed to this thread.

5

Awww snugs Poor dear. I know I’ve cried more in the past few months than I have in… well in a while. I’ve got till December 30th to go to myself and lots of stuff to figure out (like how in the hell am I gonna afford all the things I need! Man I wish I wasn’t so poor)

I liked those jokes though, they were pretty funny :slight_smile: I’ll keep some hidden around for when I need a cheer up.

6

Okay, I have more!

PREGNANCY Q & A
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air
current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

7

TeaElle I feel your pain. Well, actually I feel my pain but it’s probably similar to yours as I’m 4 months along myself, with twins due in February. I’ve never been through this before and have mostly found it very annoying.

Funny thing is, I’m already a chronic weeper anyway. Kodak commercials, puppies, kittens, sunny days, grateful people on TV, etc. Cripes, even a remotely pleasant and seemingly worthwhile person winning some dough on a gameshow brings tears. I play violin in an orchestra and half the time wind up losing it either at rehearsal or during concerts.

So now, for my next trick, I’m cranky and nauseous. Unpleasant (as many of my recent postings demonstrate). You know that commercial where the water serves the couple a raw chicken b/c the chef quit? Makes me gag (& pisses me off) just to think about it. Raw chicken…blech!

I’ve gone from weepy…to witchy!

You can make it to 10/6! You will make it to 10/6!

8

That was the waiter serving the raw chicken.

Great…now I can’t even type!

9

When I was pregnant with my first, I broke down into full-on, gut churning sobs when I watched one of those “Birth Day” shows. I’m still not sure what I was thinking watching that when I only had a month or so left to go. Other than that, I was ok until the babe was actually born.

Really, if you think it’s bad now just wait until you have your very own beautiful bundle of baby demanding to be fed every two hours. When you haven’t slept more than an hour or two at a time in weeks. When you can’t remember the last time you even brushed your hair and your diet consists of whatever you can cram down in the 3.8 seconds you have while the baby is calm. I’ve never in my life felt as emotionally unstable as I did in the first couple months after each of my two sons were born.

So, just think of all those weepy hormones as practice for the upcoming show! :slight_smile: And it really is all worth it, so take heart.
Well, on reviewing this it’s not very cheerful. So here’s a joke

“Why’d the crazy dude call his son Joe?
Because that was his name, duh.”

10

Thanks Lauramarlane … those are a hoot :slight_smile:

I’ve got 8 weeks (Come on 10/28) and while I’m not weepy this time I am really really really sore! (Very large baby spends lots of time kicking my cervix)

October 6 is my little brother’s birthday. Random useless fact for ya there.

Bedrest does suck - I did it last time for what felt like 20 years but was really about 8 weeks. There is no amount of TV/reading/sewing to keep you busy when you are trapped in bed. Keep talking to us … I wish I was active on the dope then … would have passed the time much better.

11

My first was born on October 2nd–so I have a birthday for a soon to be 11 year old to plan very soon! Everything everyone said about the pain, discomfort and sleepless nights is true–so, sorry, can’t help you there. BUT it was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done in my life. Okay, so my insides seemed to be outside for a little while and my bottom half looked like those chimps in heat you see on National Geographic specials, but I had a healthy little boy. So unsolicited advice alert! when you’re feeling rushed and weepy, hold your baby in your arms, feed him/her and spend those few quiet moments remembering how he feels in your arms and how soft and sweet (well, sometimes) he is. Those are the memories I cherish now.

Good luck, ladies! You don’t have much further to go, really, and I envy you :slight_smile:

12

Thanks for the advice guys. This is actually my second time around; Babytlw – wait, I guess she’s BabyTeaElle now – was born in June '02 – UnbornBabyTeaElle was a happy surprise. After twenty years of marriage thinking that we weren’t ever going to be parents, we hit some bizarre fertility jackpot at the most unexpected time (I’m 43!) we got two in a row.

So I’ve been doing the mother of an infant harried existence dance for the last year and I absolutely love it. I’m not complaining one little bit about the joys and demands of parenting.

Thoguh I’ve got to admit that all this weeping (on top of the bed rest) is making it hard to take care of BabyTeaElle, which is the worst part of it. Today, I cried when a woman didn’t win a car on The Price is Right. This made BabyTeaElle burst into tears too, so we sat and bawled together because I couldn’t do anything else. Oy, the pressure! I think that MrTeaElle is going to invest in earplugs soon.

The jokes have certainly helped though. I have a bookmark to this link on my toolbar now, for quick and easy access. Hopefully I’ll remember to look at it next time I’m on the verge of breakdown and it’ll help. :slight_smile:

13

Aw, TeaElle, I remember those hormones. I sometimes think my ex deserves a medal for, if nothing else, putting up with me through two pregnancies. Okay, my favorite joke, just for you. It never fails to restore my faith in life:

A little boy and a little girl are in a sandbox, playing. The little boy says to the little girl: “I have a bucket and shovel.” The little girl says: “I have a Barbie, *and * her jeep.” The little boy says: “I have two GI Joes and a rocket launcher!” The little girl says: “Well, I have the Barbie MOTOR HOME, AND IT’S TOWING THE CONVERTIBLE BEETLE!” The little boy thinks furiously, looking around for something to top this. Then he remembers. He looks up, smiles a nasty little smile, and unzips his pants. He whips it out and announces “I have one of these…” and the little girl runs off crying.

The following week, the same little boy and girl are in the sand box, playing. They quickly get down to brass tacks, and, as before, the boy stands, unzips, and pulls out his penis, stating “I * have one of these." The little girl determinedly gets to her feet, yanks her dress up, and loudly says: "Well, I have one of these!! And my mommy says that with one of these, I can get all ofthose* that I WANT!!”

14

Maureen… lol that one’s funny.

15

Why, thank you, ma’am. Courtesy of my mama, from when I was bemoaning my fate as a woman.

16

The Face Of Extreme Sadness

Warning link to baby photo

17

Oh, leechbabe, what a beautiful baby! Now I’m even more envious–gotta go talk to the SO again :wink:

18

Ha, laura those were great. I must save them up for the next pregnant woman I see.

I didn’t cry when I was pregnant. I’ve decided I’m incapable of crying. I mean, sitting through Titanic and everyone around me is boo hooing over the sinking scene and I am sitting there rock steady, mouth agape saying in a loud voice, " You knew the boat sank in the end, didn’t you?"

For me, the pregnancy hormones made me…uh…more emotionally open to rip off anyone’s head in a nano-second. Another friend of mine (who suffered from the same thing) and I discussed this and decided that the hormones allowed us to say what we really wanted to say without a preview button or self edit. It was fun. Like being in a turn at the Indy. Yaay! another car wreck! Oooh, flaming human parts and carnage.

My other hormonal problem (that hasn’t left yet) is : Incoherentcy. (spelling, too, has been a problem :slight_smile: )

I some times feel like I am a visitor here in the states and learning this language. I cannot tell you how many sentances I have to finish by using sign language and charades. Men don’t get it. Other moms pick up on this brain fart and inability to complete a sentance pretty quick. Other times I just stand there like some pathetic street mime. It ain’t pretty.

I hate it when the satellite hook up is down.

I’d gladly take crying any day over standing there like a moron.

TeaElle don’t worry, the tears will fade but fercryin’ out loud, stop watch BNN Bad News Network. Nothing on the news really affects you. ( Ok, I live in MIchigan. Nothing happens here…oh…wait…is that a tidal wave and a horde of locust?) Stay on E! and other topical nonsense. It will validate your existance more than any news station.

Take care, my pregnant friends.

19

No, Shirley, not E! !!! What if JLo and Ben break up?! :eek:

20

This thread should do the trick. Sure cracked me up! I was laughing harder than I had in a long time. Enjoy!