I’ve gone on a few dates with a nice lady, and tomorrow we’re taking the next logical step, which is dinner at one of our places. This shouldn’t cause me anxiety, but it does.
My house is nice. I have matching furniture and artwork on the walls. I clean regularly, but the house is very old and gets dusty very quickly and easily. My ex had made comments on how dusty my room is. On top of it, I have two cats, and I’ve also heard comments from others about the “cat smell” in my place. Not litterbox smell, just “cat smell.” Plus they shed a lot. The house is by no means filthy, but it causes me anxiety because of previous comments people have made. My tastes in home decor are also a bit eclectic and may throw off some people. Finally, I have a roommate who still lives the bachelor lifestyle and doesn’t clean unless repeatedly asked. No way he’ll do anything before tomorrow.
We left it open as to who’s house we’re doing this at, but she mentioned today that it’s “probably her turn to drive down to my place” since I drove closer to where she lives on our first two dates. I don’t mind the drive and would rather do it at her place, but I took this as a hint that she would rather come to mine. Am I misinterpreting?
I’m happy to do a good cleaning, but I can’t possibly get rid of all the dust or “cat smell”.
TL;DR: Ladies, how important is it to you that a guy’s house be spotless when you first see it? Do women understand that two guys sharing a house won’t always be immaculate? What are the biggest things you look at when you’re in a man’s house the first time? If it helps, I’m 35 and she’s 39.
Any chance the roommate can make himself scarce for the night? (To be honest, for me, the roommate would be the worse part.) He sounds like the bad college roommate everyone had in their twenties. And nobody wants to see that come back around, yikes!
However, both cat smell and general dustiness are rarely appealing. You should address the smell and do some dusting. Consider some Fabreeze, does the couch and curtains and cushions and carpets, try to find a neutral scent.
If she really fancies you none of this May matter at all. Cling to that!
It’s hard to say for certain, since one woman might be super judgemental about cleaniliness, and another might not care at all, so it’s hart to know what one specific woman would think. But in general I would say most women aren’t expecting a spotless house, but it should look generally clean, not have visible spots of dirt and grime that are immediately obvious, not have junk everywhere that makes it hard to walk through or sit down, and not smell. Dust, then vaccuum, take all your trash out, have some windows open to get fresh air in, minimize (or hide) piles of junk, and you should be fine.
I don’t know about the Febreeze, does that actually get rid of the cat smell, or does it just make your place smell like cat smell and an artificial “Cool Breeze” or whatever the scent is? Obviously the best course of action is to get rid of whatever bad smell, and to have open windows to let fresh air in, but for air freshening, I put cups of baking soda out and I think it absorbs the smell to some extent. I’ve also made air fresheners out of water and essential oils that are great since they don’t smell at all chemically.
This. The woman who’s into you will step over smelly teenagers, dodge animals and hike through snow to have dinner with you. But he bathroom tends to be a deal breaker. IMHO of course.
Spotless is not that important. Basic sanitation is, but a little dust? Meh. Not a big deal. Yes, I think most women – I do – understand that two dudes, one house = never immaculate.
Biggest things I look for in a man’s house the first time?
Clean bathroom. Can I sit on the toilet seat to pee without getting pee all over my butt? Is there sufficient toilet paper available? Is there soap and a towel provided so I can wash my hands after?
Corollary to that: Is there at least one clean place where I can sit down without worrying my outfit will get all soiled, or without having to touch/pick up some stranger’s dirty underpants or socks?
Second biggest thing is: mostly clean-ish kitchen. The fridge shouldn’t be full of science experiments and there shouldn’t be dirty dishes on every horizontal surface. Rinsed dirty dishes piled up in the sink, waiting to be washed? That’s fine. Floors need sweeping? That’s fine too. Bacon grease encrusting everything around the stove? Fire hazard. I won’t cook there or eat anything cooked there, so if you’re going to be having a meal at your home, spiff up the kitchen. If you’re going out, don’t sweat that too much.
I have three other dirty house pet peeves, but this is purely subjective and may or many not bother other women: 1. Dirty clothes laying around all over the place. There should be a basket or a hamper or one, single pile of dirty clothes in one room (per person). I hate seeing dirty clothes all over. 2. Piles and piles of paper, i.e., newspapers, laying around all over. Just makes a place look messy. 3. Dirty dishes anywhere except in the kitchen sink. Crusty cereal bowl in the bedroom? Get it outta there! Old spaghettios can in the living room (where you ate them right out of the can, cold), get it outta there.
ETA: I just glanced at another post and have to cosign on: clean sheets, if you want her in your bed. Preferably run the pillows through the washer & dryer as well if they don’t smell fresh. Old head sweat seeping out of worn out pillows is a total turn off.
I’m 35 and I can’t remember ever thinking a guy’s dwelling was a make-or-break type of thing. I’ve been in some pretty amazingly disgusting houses of dates (all the way up to “this is about as messy as my house” but never “wow this is immaculate!”) and as long as the sheets were clean, there’s ample toilet paper next to the clean toilet, soap next to the beard-free sink and we had some privacy, it was fine.
I have been turned off by roommates before. And I have been frustrated by having my own roommates around. Not “I’ll never see you again unless you live alone!” but more like “come to my place next time so we can be alone.” And sometimes it’s always at my place when I’m roommate-less, because that’s just how I am.
I’ve never been confronted with a cat pee smell. I can guarantee I wouldn’t like it, and would prefer to move things to my place in the future. But still I wouldn’t dump a guy over it.
Use white vinegar to neutralize pee, change out the litter to fresh right before she comes over, and activated charcoal is awesome for sucking up smells. Baking soda is marginal at best. You can get activated charcoal anywhere fish tank supplies are sold. Might want to vacuum up some cat hair from the furniture a little bit. If she loves cats, you can worry less about this than if she does not like them.
These two things and not having your roommate be a total buffoon would be a plus for me. A little dust? No problem. Animal smell? As long as it’s not a hoarders type situation, I think I’d be okay. And no hair. I hate going into a strange house and there’s hair around the bathroom sink or on the back of the toilet. Gross.
You could hire a cleaning service to come in and give it all a very good cleaning. It would make you feel better, and they might get to some spots that you inadvertently neglect. Get the roommate to chip in.
Overall, I’m not too picky, but I agree about the bathroom (and the sheets). A good tip I got: Keep windex and paper towels under the sink in the bathroom. That way, even if the bathroom has been recently cleaned, you can easily give the sink, countertops, whatever a 30-second wipedown that will make everything seem nicer.
The cats are the biggest turnoff to me (and the toilet if it is not clean). Also make sure there is a garbage can in the bathroom. But cats walk everywhere and I don’t care how much you say they don’t go on the counters, they totally do, and I am pretty allergic to cat dander.
The toilet and kitchen need to be clean. Very clean. Yourmotheriscomingtovisit clean.
For other areas, no matter how much you try to clean, the average woman will be able to find out that one, single dust bunny which escaped you. If she’s rational, she’ll also be able to tell it’s looking sad and lonely… <— dust bunny face
I’d freak out silently if I went to visit a guy’s house and it looked too much like it had just been popped into place, out of the pages of House and Garden - is that its natural state? Does he clean more often than my brother’s mother in law (a former cleaning lady who’s been known to attempt to dust in the middle of a Christmas dinner)? That single dust bunny would help reassure me that he’s not going to call the cleanliness police on me if I take more than five seconds to bring the nail-polish-removal cotton to the trash can.
I don’t know about the Febreeze, does that actually get rid of the cat smell, or does it just make your place smell like cat smell and an artificial “Cool Breeze” or whatever the scent is? QUOTE]
I cannot recommend strongly enough **against **Febreeze, Febreze, Whatever.
Oh, the irony! She just emailed me back saying she’d rather do it at her place because her housemate did no cleaning while she (my date) was out of town for 3 weeks and her place is a mess. What a relief!
Also, my date has cats of her own, so I guess I don’t need to worry so much about that.
I’ll dust what I can and spray Febreeze.
<— dust bunny face