Dating Dealbreakers

Over in the pit there’s an amazingly long thread centering on a story about a guy who didn’t go on a second date with a woman because she ordered a glass of milk in a bar. Other stories came up, including a woman unpursued for liking pro-wrestling, numerous people who won’t date either drinkers or teetotalers, and one woman who won’t date anybody who chews gum.

So, what relationships of you have ended for seemingly trivial reasons? I dumped an otherwise ok boyfriend because he could not be on time. His lateness drove me nuts. I declined to go out with another guy because he once said “spicy food makes me sick” (and truthfully the real reason was a lack of attraction, but that’s another storey). I didn’t answer the phone for two weeks after a blind date with a man who believed in handwriting analysis as a window into the soul. He was late too.

Once I didn’t call a girl back because she spent the whole dinner griping about her ex.

This one time a girl I met brought me back to her place for some after-bar, uh, conversation. In her bedroom was a chalkboard with a crudely drawn rocket ship a la Saturn V. Inside were the names of a bunch of entertainment celebrities.

“What is that?”

“Oh, my friends and I like to put the celebrities we hate in the ship and pretend we are launching them off into space!”

“You do this all the time?”

“Yeah, like, almost every day.”

To each her own, I guess. I did not exactly pursue.

I don’t date much, but I don’t really have any standards*. I’m serious, I’ll give it a go with just about anybody. I don’t get annoyed very easily and am very tolerant. People are allowed to have their dislikes, beliefs, bad habits, whatever… I’ll deal with it or get along with it somehow.

*Certain hygiene standards have figured into my prejudices, however.

A friend set me up with a friend of her husbands once and this guy thought it was funny to talk like Beevus and Butthead. :rolleyes: I went out with him that one time and that was it.

I once didn’t date a girl because I didn’t do well on an exam. I didn’t do well on the exam because she didn’t study, and asked me for help. She was cute, and for this reason, I spent way too much time getting her up to where I was, and not nearly enough getting myself up to where I needed to be.

Next exam, she tries the same thing. I get suckered in again, but at least pull the all-nighter to earn the A I wanted. Not to mention a nasty stomach ailment, probably because of lack-of-sleep.

Did I mention she was cute? She was. Very. Well, come Valantines day, I get a pomegranate. She said she loved pomegranates, so it was easy to figure out who. On the fruit a note: “Share me with someone special”. I am on the verge of getting laid, and that’s an awfully good thing. But I’m pissed off at her, when I should have been at myself, because she’s a crap studier and I think with my dick when she asks me for help. So I eat the pomegranate alone.

Awkward avoidance ensues, followed by cold indifference on her part, and a deep sense of regret on my part, because I should have just leapt in the sack with her, explained afterward I study better by myself, and if the ultimate outcome was the same, at least I could have gotten some fair sex on Valentine’s Day.

I. Am. A. :wally !!!

I went out on a date with a girl I met through mutual friends. It was a nice date, but nothing spectacular. I figured I’d call her again in a few days, and maybe go out again the next weekend, or the weekend after. But she started stalking me before I got around to even calling her.

It began at 7 am the Sunday after our Friday night date. She showed up at my door with flowers ( :eek: ). The the phone calls started - dozens. Asking me when we’d go out again, if I had a good time, etc. Then noon time rolled around. That point is significant because the flowers and phone calls all came while I was sleeping, and my flatmates were quite pissed off at me. I tried to call her back to find out what the hell was going on, but her line was busy all afternoon. Turns out she was calling all her friends (including our mutual friends) telling them she was in love with me, that she wanted to marry me, and so on. Nice, but a bit premature, IMHO. Anyways, this went on for a couple weeks. The stalking, I mean. There was never a repeat date. No, thank you, ma’am. In the two weeks after the date, she called upwards of 100 times, showed up at my job 3 or 4 times, more flowers, etc, etc. It was sweet and creepy. I eventually told our mutual friend that she was freaking me out, and she finally went away. I felt a bit bad for breaking her heart, but it was just to nervewracking wondering where or when she’d show up next, and if she’d have flowers in her hand, or if I’d end up wit ha dead rabbit in a pot of boiling water on the stove.

Years later, I ran into an acquaintance from High School, and we spent a few minutes catching up. He said something to effect of “Hey, you know I’m married to <stalker girl>.” To which I replied: “Who?”. He looked at me skeptically, and said “You know, <stalker girl>. You dated her for a while.”. Me: “Uh, yeah. That’s nice. Gotta run.”

I once didn’t date a girl because she mentioned offhand that her mom thought I’d be a fabulous person to get her pregnant, and I wouldn’t even have to stick around.

I know. Trivial. :wink:

My dealbreakers:

  • Being too “kountry kitschy” - that is, if I visit their house, and there’s duck wallpaper, tissue paper cozies, Beanie Baby collections, glurge posters (Footsteps, Hang In There Baby, etc) and the like. The decorating style of kountry kitschy women is usually all-consuming, and men I kow who are married to them end up living in an environment that is devoid of any trace of masculinity.

  • Mom hair. I’ve posted about that before; the poofed-up, layered, all-above-the-ears pear-shaped hairdo that some women have. It sends a message to me that the woman is devoid of all sensuality, isn’t very fun, has no sense of adventure, and has almost no identity beyond her motherhood.

  • Hursutism. I didn’t pursue a second date with a woman because she had a very visible, dark moustache. Very dark and lush arm and leg hair or armpit hair is also a dealbreaker. I just feel uncomfortable being intimate with a woman who has too many masculine traits.

  • Having more than one kid, or having a “special needs” child. Selfish, I know, but the logistics of dating start to become too difficult. Also, there are issues abotu what the childen would think of me; if the relationship is successful, I could be rewarded with the financial burdens of having kids, but none of their love.

  • Being physically larger than me. I’ve tried. Really, I have. The wiring in my brain, though, prevents me from being sexually attracted to a woman who has a larger physical presence than me.

Like devilsknew, most things I’ll deal with, especially if they make up for the problem by being extra-good in some other way.
The utter deal-breakers are:
If I suspect a problem with alcohol (beyond just social drinking, which I do myself.)
More than a passing interest in sports.

I’m an atheist, so I avoid women who are very doctrinarily religious. This doesn’t rule out all religious women – very few of my serious girlfriends have been atheists. If they can laugh at something like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, we’ll get along fine, no matter their beliefs.

I also have issues with being controlled, so I often decide not to pursue women on the slightest signs of this. A subset of this is any woman who makes trivial attempts to change a man, just to ‘keep score’.

E.g., I once was told on a first date that my hair was too short. I advised the girl to find a guy whose hair she liked: if I disliked a woman’s hair strongly enough to want her to change it, I wouldn’t dream of pursuing her. (That was a funny one, because when I was young, I was always getting yelled at for having hair too long).

Ah, I didn’t think I was that picky, but I have quite a few dealbreakers. The big three:

Politics, religion (including sports), and kids.

Similar or at least compatible/civil, don’t have any, don’t want any.

Spiritual or even a deist is OK but I couldn’t be with someone devoutly religious or that followed any kind of book. Smoking and heavy drinking/drug use is a not-quite dealbreaker but I expect them to cut back. My boyfriend and I got together knowing that he’d have to quit smoking if he planned on staying with me very long. I’ve been with someone that drank way, way, too much, and he also cut down during the time we were dating.

I prefer to be with people with interests similar to mine, but if I find someone interesting I’ll give them a chance. People with too dissimilar interests usually don’t last, for obvious reasons, though. I don’t have any physical dealbreakers except that I can’t date large men (as in fat/heavy or muscular). I’m very small and am physically intimidated by guys that are twice my bodyweight or more (and there are a lot of them.) I’ve tried it, but it just never works.

I don’t have many deal breakers. I’m not too picky as long as the guy is decent looking :).

If you’re one of those guys who is obsessed with your car/truck/motorcycle and treat it like it’s your baby - thats a deal breaker for me. I dated a guy like that for nearly two years and it was super annoying.

Also - don’t dig the whole japanese anime thing. A couple months ago, I went to this guy’s house that I had known forever, always had a little crush on him and BAM! He shows me his stash of anime videos and whatnot and telling me how neat it is. That might work for some girls, but not for me. It doesn’t really seem too masculine.

I’m years out of the dating pool, and I hope I never re-enter it, but still:

  • smokers - I don’t like the smell, I don’t like being around it. I won’t lecture you, but I won’t date you, either.
  • heavy drinkers - I’ve had too many bad experiences in my past with drunks.
  • jerks - whether racist, sexist, or any other ignorant narrowmindedness.

No, it’ll be easier to just not date ever again.

Young children.

Those are the only two that I can think of right now.

On a blind date, a discussion about a 3rd party’s meat eating habits - they had said “I don’t eat mammals”. My blind-date asked her “then why are you eating duck?!”.

That was the final straw for me.

My smoke-test for this is mentioning God in meaningful ways (ie, not neutral blasphemed cliches) during casual conversation unrelated to religion.

One time, I had a date with a very sweet guy. Just as we were going in for our first kiss, he licked my face. :confused: He kissed me afterward, but I found it so odd. Plus, he messed up my makeup.

Also, bringing a buddy, cousin, or brother along, was a big dealbreaker.

Or, asking me out for breakfast, and showing up at my house with a box of donuts, a jug of orange juice, and a bottle of vodka.

(Now there’s a period that would get noticed if it was left out.)

I once broke up with a girl because she didn’t like dessert.

I once ended a relationship with a guy because he was too handsome. I mean really. Steve Stunning. He was younger than I. I was not as secure about myself as I ended up being (I was extremely overweight). Women would actually approach me about him. It was weird; the proverbial straw was when I was in the ladies room & heard two women primping & wondering what someone like him was doing with someone like me. I gave him the bum’s rush.

In retrospect, it was as cruel as dumping someone for NOT being attractive enough. He was a lovely guy, and had never treated me in anything less than a perfect manner. I regret it to this day.