Dating Dealbreakers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Dating dealbreakers? Hmmm…

About the only really strong dealbreaker is smoking. IMHO it is one of the most unpleasant and anti-sexy things a woman can do. If I know you smoke, I will not ask you out, even if I would otherwise very interested in you.

Heavy drinking and drug use is out too. But I don’t usually travel in those circles.

Doctrinaire/inerrantist/Only One Truth views. If you are unable to even see and acknowledge another person’s point of view (you don’t have to agree with it), I probably won’t be comfortable around you. This most often happens with Christian proselytisers in my part of the world, but elsewhere it may be different.

It isn’t the precise content of the views that is the deciding factor, but the potential date’s attitude towards others. I’m a pretty live-and-let-live person, and I like learning about other views. However, I belong to an extremely minority religion, and I am very sensitive to attempts to convert me. If you think your score with your god is more important than your score with your date, the date’s not gonna go far.

:: I have to log off this computer now, and I’ll post more later. ::

22

I’m notorious for once having walked out on a guy mid-date because he had no conversation. Seriously! I love good, interesting conversation (that’s one reason I waste so much time here), and this guy’s limit on any subject was about 5 sentences. He took me to lunch to plan the date, then the next day took me to the Ice Capades. During intermission, I all but pleaded with him saying, “Good conversation is like meat and drink to me!” Still nothing. The plan was that he’d take me to dinner; instead, after the show, still without any conversation afterwards, I took the bus home. I couldn’t see wasting any more of his money when he wasn’t getting anywhere. He brought me a rose and called me beautiful, but I’m not accustomed to just being stared at like some rare beauty which I am most assuredly not! In the romances I’ve had, if you want to engage my heart and/or body, you’ve got to engage my mind first, and this guy didn’t.

On the other hand, talking during movies or performances, while not quite a deal-breaker definitely isn’t a point in the guy’s favor. No, I didn’t talk to the guy I walked out on during the Ice Capades.

The other deal-breaker is rudeness and/or cruelty. I’ve seen and experienced too much to find it remotely attractive.

CJ

23

It’s off for me if a girl isn’t at least a little bit into music. She doesn’t have to be as into it as I am, but if she complains when I want to listen to the radio or throw on a cd, it’s over. And yes, I have dated a girl like this, they are out there.

24

The dating deal breaker I have is/are guilt trips.

My father’s mother (who was Jewish) attempted to control the family through these things. In my more charitable moods I accept she only wanted what was best for the people she loved. Most of the time I think she had images of us that only barely coincided with reality, and when her nose was rubbed in the differences she had to change reality, not her images. Her tactic of choice was the guilt trip - so if someone tries to lay that on me, now, I just leave. No second chances. No hard feelings, really. Just not something I care to ever deal with again.

25

Ah, memories. There was another boy who said he didn’t like animals. I thought that was weird and it was a contributing factor to our eventual breakup.
Any date who put their tongue in my ear. GAH! Just Don’t. Do. That. I saw that brain-eating thing crawl out of Chekhov’s ear at a very impressionable age and I’ve just never recovered.

26

Men who proudly display their collection of pornography.

Posters of bikini babes on the wall.

Glamorizing alcohol.

Smoking.

Nascar.

It’s funny, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve even seen these things, but I haven’t dated in over ten years. Nowadays I hope the men I would hypothetically date would be too mature for such things, but who knows.

27

Most of mine have been mentioned (sports freak, cruel, uber-religious, racist). I can’t believe I’m the only one who has an aversion to unemployed adults (not attending school) living with their parents.

/Ms Cyros

28

I may regret this…
I’ve been married for eight months (and with her for 5 years), but I had quite a few deal breakers back in the day.
No prissy goody-goody type chicks. I have a lot of vices, and if you didn’t share most of them, there was no way we were getting together for more than a quickie fling. You didn’t like crude humor and dirty jokes, casual sex, partying in the bars 'til closing, smoking, drinking, gambling, and the occasional spliff, toot or roll, then you probably wouldn’t like me anyway :smiley:

But don’t over do it… If you couldn’t handle your alcohol and got all sloppy drunk and obnoxious, or were TOO into drugs, as in requiring them every day or even every weekend, then I was out of there as well. Same goes for drinking at inappropriate times, like in the morning.

Oral sex. It’s required. Often.

No rugrats. I’ve dated more than my share of single moms, and had sworn them off by the end. “We can’t screw until the Brat falls asleep.” “We can’t go out to the bars tonight because my mom won’t watch the Brat.” “The Brat had a nightmare and wants to climb into bed with us” (then pees all over me in his sleep). Buh-bye.

No vegetarians. If a girl can’t sit down and eat a big rare juicy steak, I lose interest. I enjoy sharing good food, and am quite the amateur chef if I do say so myself.

Oh yeah, my two cats came first. You didn’t like cats or were allergic to them, that was YOUR problem. Badmouth them more than once or twice and that’s it, “Please leave.” (Happened a few times).

Of course there’s also the standard, no fat ugly toothless morons, but the focus here is on things you tend to find out on or after your first date (or hookup, as it were).

So maybe I sound like a pig here, and maybe I was, but I did very well for myself during my swinging singles years, and in most cases I was the “pursuee” rather than the pursuer. I guess having a reputation for being a fun, wild and crazy, not to mention spendthrift “bad boy” worked wonders on my target demographic. I wasn’t at all looking to settle down, dating was for fun.
2¢

29

(1) Smoking
(2) Religious fanaticism (any religion)
(3) Drugs
(4) Not female
(5) Doesn’t sleep with me on the first date
(6) #5 was a joke.

30

A couple of decades back when I was single I was dating a young lady who stopped returning my phone calls and then started dating another guy. Well, those were deal breakers for me, let me tell you. I wasn’t going to stand for THAT. :rolleyes: :wally

31

I can’t think of any “dealbreakers,” because I can’t imagine being so petty and shallow enough to dismiss a person based on only one or two aspects of him. I dunno: I’m sure that if he’s not into other guys, that’d be a dealbreaker.

My favorite one I’ve ever heard is from a friend of a friend: she broke up with a guy because he called a sportjacket a “blazer.”

32

Carbuncles. Never would date a girl with carbuncles.

33

I would’ve said “drinking” six months ago. It’s okay now, though, because I trust the fella I’m with, and he knows that if he binges stupidly or does something that could be considered a sign of developing alcoholism, I won’t put up with it.

Smoking also.

Being intolerant of my veganism (hmmm, good thing I never dated Eleusis. :wink:

Too much religiousness. My fella is religious in an all-religions-have-truth kind of way, but someone who believed they were right and everyone else was wrong, wrong, wrong wouldn’t get anywhere with me.

GWB voters. :smiley:

34

Oh, I forgot about that. That would be a deal-breaker for me, all my claims of not being shallow aside. At best he’d have a lot of explaining to do.

35

Dubya voters.
Smoking.
Children.

And sticking French Fries up your nose in a restaraunt. Yes, he really did.

36

Let’s go with deal breakers for people who meet other minimum standards:

Smoking, drug use, frequent/heavy drinking (other people can do what they want, but I won’t date them if they engage in these activities)

Bad hygiene

Obsessive interest in one particular activity or topic

Arrogance is the biggest and surest killer of any interest I might have in a man. I can’t even find a guy physically attractive once I know he’s got this trait.

37

I posted too soon. I also wanted to mention something else from the totally ridiculous end of the scale:

I had a male friend who remarked once, “I should have known from the beginning that was all wrong. She didn’t like vinegar.”

He was dead serious. It’s something he brings up a lot as a relationship indicator, and I think he might actually stop dating someone for this reason, at least if they hadn’t been friends beforehand.

One of the first things he asked me about my BF when we first got together was whether or not he likes vinegar. “I don’t know,” I said, “I didn’t really think to ask.” He was horrified, and not totally in jest.

Weirdo. Great guy, but his expectations for dating relationships are just so screwy and exacting.

38

I was once dating a guy that I liked very much, but I had a nagging suspicion that he may be stupid. One night, we were deciding where to go eat, and I suggested Chinese food. He says no, he doesn’t like that. We end up at Applebee’s, and he gets the stir-fry. When I mention that we could have just gone ahead with the Chinese food since that’s what he ordered anyway, he expressed his great surprise that what he ordered was actually Chinese food.
That confirmed my suspicions, and he was summarily dumped.
I can’t stand a stupid guy.

39

**The Audition: **

He spent the first (and only) date talking about what he expected from his future wife, including the following:

[ul]
[li]education (“I’d never date anyone with only a high-school education.”) I exceeded that requirement, by far. [/li]
[li]income (“I’d never date anyone who didn’t earn at least $40,000 a year.”) None of his beeswax what I earned.[/li]
[li]medical background (“I’d never get involved with anyone who has a history of genetic diseases in her family.”) On a first date? Dude, get over yourself! [/li]
[li]owning a certain standard of automobile (“If you can’t afford a new car, you aren’t working hard enough, and I could never be with a woman who didn’t have a successful career.”) Heh, my car was newer than his. Yeah, by that point in the date, I got petty.[/li]
…and so on.[/ul]
I knew this guy for a couple of years after that date, and it seemed that he was screening every female he met as future wife/money-making material. Creepy.

My deal-breaker is bigotry. If a date makes racist jokes, I’m gone.

At one point, I would have said, Republicans, or political conservatives. But now I live with one, and we agree to disagree, and life is good. We have lively discussions over dinner, in which he argues for more defense spending and I advocate social welfare and education. No wonder nobody ever comes over for dinner. :smiley:

40

I’m with FairyChatMom. I thank Og for my wonderful husband, who has no faults whatsoever! (yes, he’s standing behind me.)
I once went to a movie with the brother of a patient. (I know, bad move)
He tried to take my hand during the movie and I screamed and threw his hand back at him. It almost sprained his wrist. The reason was he was missing the middle finger, some freak accident when he was a child. It felt so odd, I just couldn’t imagine… bzzz, thanks for playing… next!