And I do mean minor stuff that if you told your friends that you had broken up with a totally hot guy/gal because of it their first response would be WTF??
Brought on by the recent threads about if this works out comments, random things I’ve encountered in the past few days, and a slow morning at work.
Let’s explore some things that would sink a budding relationship faster than the Hindenburg.
I’ll start with the incident earlier this week that made me think, there’s a thread topic.
I went into an office where there were several desks and sitting at one was a rather attractive woman. While I was working on a computer I saw her pick up the drink cup on her desk, put it to her mouth, put it back on the desk, and then CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH. Yep, a frickin ice eater. She instantly went from rather attractive to Janet Reno with a meth habit. So even if I had been available and she had promised to totally rock my world, she would never have gotten the chance.
Other habits from the list.
Gum crackers/poppers.
Incessant singers/hummers.
Anyone chewing with their mouth open. Years ago there was a smoking hot chick sitting across the room from me in a restaurant. Smoking hot until she got her salad and I could hear her eating it all the way across the room. I got my order to go.
How about the rest of you? What ‘minor’ thing would guarantee no second date or no second sleepover?
There are lots of “minor” things that would be deal breakers or near-beal breakers, but the only ones that would become obvious on a first or second date are hygiene- or eating-related.
My first thought was “chewing with his mouth open.” Of course, I take it as a given that there are no hygiene issues, or we wouldn’t have made it to the first date.
If I were divorced and if I met a guy and we got along for say 2 dates and then he called me and asked me if I knew where his X was–X being anything from his cell phone to his first edition rare book, that would be the end. I will quote Roseanne Barr here: the uterus is not a homing device. Keep track of your own stuff; I am not your mother.
That and hygiene, any tobacco (but snuff or cigars are instant outs), boorish behavior. (pssst–don’t check out other women or the waitress when we’re out on our first dates. Make that never).
Bad table manners coupled with an unwillingness to improve said.
(Sorry but I am going to eat a lot of meals sitting across from you.)
Rubbery ethics.
(If your sweet as peaches with me that’s nice, but if you’re weaselly with others I’m out of there.)
Violence and/or aggression.
(Total deal breaker, needn’t be directed at me, overly aggressive with anyone, or slamming things around when angry, huge red flag, total deal breaker.)
Dishonesty, in any form.
(I’ll forgive you for not telling your sister her hair looks like crap but if I hear you lie to your boss, your neighbour, etc, I’m not going to trust you, and I’m not going to hang with you.)
Rudeness to the waitstaff is a big one. Conservatism. Not complimenting my appearance after I compliment his in bed (if you don’t think I’m cute enough to even say something while you’re nailing me, why are you even nailing me in the first place?)
Being far looser than me, or far tighter, with money. They’re both perfectly valid lifestyles, but it’s going to create friction whether the finances are actually shared or not. If you want to go out and eat $30 steaks three times a week, we aren’t going to get along even if I could afford it. If, on the other hand, you can’t bear the thought of shelling out $8 for a movie every other weekend or so, and would rather save the $7 by waiting until it’s available as a rental, we aren’t going to get along either.
Believe it or not, I dated men that did not have kids of his own… this was after breaking it off with a man who I found out later in the wash that his 2 kids ended up being more than a half dozen spread out and grown (he was an older man & I found out he had kids older than I was!). I was young & naive & sooooo stupid back then and went for the rebound who seemed to be completely opposite of my ex and ended up being just as bad. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Not only that, but I didnt want the association of the stereo type that goes along with the step-parent thing. Besides, I have 3 of my own.
I think it depends on where the person is in their life. At this point, it doesnt bother me one way or another, so not a big deal. I reconsidered the kid thing about a year or so ago and started with “it’s ok if you have kids around the same age as mine” (meaning they were pretty much grown).
Add me to the mouth-open chewers, and expand that to also include anyone who slurps soup, wipes their mouth with their hand/arm instead of their napkin, or who chews abnormally loud (which includes ice-chompers). Ew.
Picky eaters are another big one. I’m willing to accept that not everyone is as omnivorous as I am, but if the number of things you will eat is vastly outnumbered by the things you won’t eat, please see yourself to the door.
Lastly, I can’t handle people who can’t cope with making a single decision without constant reassurance. You’re a grown-up (or should be, anyway), and I’m not your mommy or your therapist.
