OK, very few of us would actively pursue a relationship with a vampire. Someone who gets the urge to dink my blood would be a deal breaker.
In the thread What’s your “never going to win” argument with your SO? people discuss things which their SO does that annoys them, but that they can’t get them to stop. At what point does this cross over from being simply annoying to becoming a deal breaker?
I couldn’t live with someone like that. My BIL is exactly like this. He once told me “Can you clean up this spill? Go get three paper towels from the kitchen counter.” Not two, not four and five is right out.
Somehow I was able to arrange for time off work, buy an airplane ticket, get on the plane and fly halfway around the world, get off and show up at their door. But i can’t be trusted to decide how many sheets of paper towels to clean up two ounces of coke.
My father was like that and I couldn’t see putting up with that any more absolutely necessary to keep the peace with my sister. Of course, we always used to laugh about why she married him.
OTOH, my wife and I probably put up with somethings which would drive other people away.
What are types of things which would annoy others but are dealer breakers for you in a relationship?
Acting overly familiar right away. I don’t feel comfortable enough yet at first, and some people take the other person backing off a little as a sign that they need to push harder. So then I stop taking their calls, and people like that always respond by calling AGAIN and AGAIN, very often for a significantly longer period of time than you were dating in the first place. Not really making me have second thoughts about my choice there buddy.
One guy, the very first time he came to my house, started trying to open the door (which was locked) instead of knocking! Then later I was in the bathroom and he started opening the door talking to me! (That door didn’t have a lock.)
I also can’t stand people who brag about their money or possessions. Sure, I consider it a plus for a man to have a lot of money, but bragging about it is a huge turnoff, plus then I assume it’s likely not even true.
Unabashed farting and burping. I realize sometimes people fart and burp, that’s a normal human thing, but some people seem to revel in it. Yuck, gross. There is no appropriate way of handling a burp or a fart other than ‘‘excuse me.’’ Alternatively, you can say nothing and I will politely ignore it.
I realize this rules out a lot of guys. If you like to draw attention to your farts or burps, and your partner is cool with that, great. It’s just not something I personally could live with.
In that thread, I was really surprised by how many posters were continuously irritated by something their SO did that had nothing to do with them. That would really probably be a dealbreaker for me. How I dress, what I eat, all of that is my business. I am open to suggestions, but I would not want my choices to create any kind of emotional response in someone else.
Yeah, this sort of crudeness as humor would be a big dealbreaker for me. I like clean and classy.
Also, I’m not sure exactly how to explain it right, but everyone probably knows the sort I’m talking about. Someone who can’t keep themselves on a reasonably even keel. I don’t mean someone who gets upset at normal things and in normal ways. I mean the type that, out of the blue, decide that they’re being disrespected and get all pouty and sulky and such.
Wow! Yes, I had a friend that was very specific like that - at one time he told me I needed to stop putting on so much maple syrup overall and do it bite by bite. :dubious:
I can moderate my own syrup intake, thanks.
My deal breaker (there are obviously many) is someone that can’t let things be assumed.
For instance, if I welcomed a friend to the house and I said “Welcome to my home” and my “wife” said “your mean OUR home”. I would tritely answer “that’s simply not possible, you can’t be my wife with that kind of pettiness, please leave.”
I say that because of course it is OUR home and I mean to present it that way, but I accidentally said mine, clearly it is ours, but that level of petty…
reminds me of George on Seinfeld letting Elaine know he paid for the BIG SALAD - what an ass!
Smoking is an instant veto. Cats are a close second.
A lesson learned the hard way, is that I am not emotionally equipped to deal with certain argument/fighting styles. I grew up in a very loving and supportive family. No yelling, no throwing things, respectful even when disagreeing, talking things out… I can’t deal with people who are always right, or talk down to you, or who say hurtful things on purpose. I’m sure plenty of people can dish it right back, or roll with it like it’s nothing, but not me. I just can’t handle it.
I’ve developed more deal breakers as I’ve gotten older, I think. The things you learn from bad relationships!
Certain dealbreakers for me almost always revolve around telling me how to parent, run my household, or spend my money. Negative comments about my weight. Bigotry. Neediness and clinginess.
From my last relationship: someone being obsessed with my hair and wanting to sniff and touch it all. the. time. Maybe that falls under “weird obsessive behavior.”
I’ll probably think of more.
I’m pretty damn picky about the women that I like. It’s more of a I know it when I see it, kind of feel. That’s why they invented dating. Not sure I could boil it down to a list of things.
Jealousy. Don’t give me shit about my female friends.
Also, I think women are pretty. I’m going to look. I’m not going to be rude about it, but it’s going to happen. I promise, I wont stop you mid conversation so I can check out the hot waitress at The Olive Garden.
And by all means, feel free to check out all the cute guys you want. I’ not insecure.
Any diagnosed mental illness. Some years ago I had gone out with a woman 5-6 times and things were going well. She confided in me that she had bi-polar disorder and had been diagnosed with it in her 20s. She told me hers was a mild case that had always been well controlled, and she was just letting me know so I knew exactly what I was getting into.
I had some familiarity with the mental health world, so part of me knew that I should be wary. But part of me also knew many people who are diagnosed with these sorts of things can be perfectly pleasant, normal people and lead normal lives. I felt I knew her decently at that point, so I made the decision to not let that in and of itself affect how I decided to go forward with the relationship.
Ultimately I found out she was basically a crazy nightmare to deal with. Maybe it isn’t fair to all the people who have BPD and other disorders and are perfectly nice people, but I’ve decided not to go down that path again.
Men who spit on the ground. You’ve just run a marathon? Fine, I’ll excuse it. Nothing else flies. Especially men who open their car door and spit on the ground. Ick. Oh and littering. Littering is a dealbreaker.
What else?
People who don’t read books. You don’t have to read all the time, but at least have a few current books that you can talk about.
Being passive-aggressive. If you have a problem with anything, I’m really a pretty good listener; you can just vent, or I can offer solutions. But don’t sigh and pout and drop hints about how something is wrong but refuse to give specifics.
Similarly, don’t be a victim: if everything in your life - family, friends, work - always sucks but there’s forever a reason you just can’t change anything, I’m going to figure that you just need the drama. And don’t look to me to save you, because sooner or later you’re going to need to turn me into the bad guy too.
Don’t be helpless. Should go without saying, but doesn’t. Never could stand a helpless woman.
I once had a bf who didn’t care for cats, but I thought he could at least tolerate the two I had. We started talking about the possibility of living together, and he gave me an ultimatum: I had to choose between him and the cats. That’s when he transitioned from “bf” to “ex.”
Also someone who’s into a fundamentalist or conservative religion.
Maybe I’m approaching the OP incorrectly. A relationship wouldn’t develop in the first place if there were habits/mannerisms I couldn’t/wouldn’t tolerate.
Once a relationship was formed, be it one of romance or friendship, for me, a violation of trust is a deal-breaker/relationship-ender. Lie/cheat/steal and it’s over.
a She that’s actually a He falls into the Lie category
Well, I’ve been with the same guy for 30+ yrs and there are a fair number of things he does that irritate me (sigh & roll eyes irritation, not worth a big to-do). The only thing I can think of that would be a relationship ender would be laying hands on me in anger. Or if he were to suddenly stop respecting me as a reasonably intelligent adult and try to exert hard line control over me, not caring whether I’m happy or not. I can’t imagine him doing any of that, it’s just not in him, so I guess I’m stuck with him
