I read an article recently about a single woman about age 30 that had inherited about 5 million dollars from her deceased parents. The article stated that when she went out on dates, she did not mention her wealth, and since she lived in an average apartment, none of her dates thought she was particularly wealthy. It even said when she was rejected by guys that she never told them of her wealth, as she didn’t want them coming around again just because she had money. I agree that wealthy people should not disclose the amount of money they have, until perhaps until the relationship becomes serious. What do you folks think? Any comments in general on this subject?
I think that’s a smart move.
Since the OP is looking for opinions, let’s move this to IMHO.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
Sounds good, screen out the gold diggers.
Very wise idea. Dating is hard enough without adding wealth to the mix. Save the good news until after the honeymoon. Or at least until you get a pre-nup.
Nowadays I dont think it unwise to pull a credit check on a person your thinking about getting involved with.
I’m not aware that I, as an individual, can order a credit check on another individual without their consent.
How are you getting their social security numbers without arousing suspicion?
A relative of mine has been known to do such thing. Of course, she’s a Rhymer, and as such kind of … outlawish.
…and even if you could, what in there could possibly be indicative of the person’s wealth? There are plenty of wealthy people with terrible credit scores and plenty of poor people with pristine credit.
As someone with a tad over $8 million dollars I had to find this out the hard way.
How you doin’?..
Why, exactly?
“I’m going to put you down as a driver on my car insurance, they said they need your SSN.”
I’ve always thought that would be the way to play it, unless of course you want to fight above your weight.
It’s deciding when to break the news that’s the trick, right? You want to wait long enough to be assured there’s no potential for jackassery, but if you wait too long it’s like “Hey, BTW, I have trust issues.”
You break the news when you fully and truly trust the person. So, presumably around the same time that you’re ready to commit to a serious relationship with him/her.
I’m not in Drunky Smurf’s league, but I was in kinda this situation. I inherited some money a while ago; not enough to retire on, but enough to be unemployed and not too worried about it. So, you don’t want to announce “I’m rich” when you start seeing someone, but “what job do you have” is going to be asked and answering “nothing” is going to raise a red flag.
It’s not a bad idea at all unless/until it’s a very serious relationship.
Because if they’re terrible with debt and then you get married they’re going to wreck you’re credit as well. On top of that, if you end up divorced a few years down the line, any debt they they racked up isn’t their debt it’s ‘out debt’. You won’t know about their debt going into the marriage, but you’ll know about it on the way out.
When you go through a divorce you each have to fill out a financial statement. Personally, I think that would be a wise idea for people to do before they get married as well. Even if you aren’t going to sign a prenup, it makes it a bit clearer what was brought into the marriage by each person.
5 years down the road when you split up and have 15 thousand dollars in CC debt, and least you can look back and say 'HE started with 5K of debt and I started with none, so he can take the first 5K of the 15K and we’ll split the remaining 10k" Doing that would leave the partner with good credit in a somewhat better position if they get divorced.
Also, pulling a credit report gives them the opportunity to say 'waitaminute, you have 50K in credit card debt? What’s going on here, I thought you have a good job?"
It’s just a good way to see what’s going on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sure I could ask someone I’m ready to marry for a credit report, but I don’t think it’s a terrible idea. Remember, in some states, but husband and wife are responsible for the credit card debt either of them racks up, no matter whose name it’s in.
Also risking her job and skirting with multiple lawsuits.
I swear, I see this advice offered all the time on this board and the “How?” of it is always glossed over.
A friend of mine worked for a collection agency and once mentioned that she saw credit reports all day. When I asked her if she ever checked her own, her response was “:eek: I’d lose my job if I did that”. Probably because she’d be doing it on the company’s account…also, personally, I wouldn’t want an inquiry from a collection agency on my report.
Illegal as it may be, I’m pretty sure you don’t need to much more than a SSN and some basic questions to pull one off of the credit bureaus websites. If I was about to marry someone, there’s a good chance I’d know what street they grew up on and maybe about how much the monthly payment on their car is.
Also…you could just ask them for it.
Upthread, I said I wouldn’t, but at least I’d be in a good positon to ask someone now, 'hey hon, I know this is awkward, but my first wife really did a number on my credit cards, could I see your credit report?"
Also, if you’ve bought a house together or been to the car dealership with them, you might at least have an idea of how their credit looks.