I have a couple of survey questions about the dating process, wherever you live. These questions may be personal, so if you are uncomfortable with answering any one of them, you may skip a particular question or ignore this survey altogether. I just want to make sure that you consent to this survey about dating and courtship. This survey assumes you have already dated before.
How old were you when you started dating?
Was the date serious or casual?
How many dates did you have before you met your spouse, if you are currently married or have been married?
Was sexual attraction involved in dating?
Did you introduce your date to your family and friends and ask them for their opinions?
What did you do on the date? If you have gone on many dates before, then what was your first date like?
Did you send your date any gifts? If so, what were they? How did they receive the gifts?
How much money did you spend on your date? If you have gone on many dates, what is the approximate average spending of the dates?
Do you have any practical advice that you would like to give to the younger generation about dating and courtship?
Virtually everyone finds their spouse through dating in the US. What else did you have in mind?
You might find more helpful advice on dating on a board that caters to people your own age. I haven’t dated anyone in over 30 years, and I suspect a thing or two has changed.
And yeah, you’re overthinking it. If you have specific questions (e.g. who should pay?), ask them. A survey isn’t going to help.
[QUOTE=Emiliana]
You might find more helpful advice on dating on a board that caters to people your own age. I haven’t dated anyone in over 30 years, and I suspect a thing or two has changed.
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That’s okay. Tell me your story.
[QUOTE=Emiliana]
And yeah, you’re overthinking it. If you have specific questions (e.g. who should pay?), ask them. A survey isn’t going to help.
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I don’t think I’m overthinking it. I’m just trying to assess dating behavior in the US.
I dated lots of people, starting around 16. Formal, informal, gifts, no gifts, etc. I met my husband when I was 25 (he was 22); after a year’s acquaintance, I asked him out. After two years of dating–actually, one of living together–we got married. And that was 30 years ago.
I guess casual. I don’t remember what we did but I don’t think I ever went on a serious date.
3. How many dates did you have before you met your spouse, if you are currently married or have been married?
I’m not sure but I was dating for close to a decade and im sure I averaged close to one a most so over a hundered before I started dating my wife.
Was sexual attraction involved in dating?
Is there another reason to date?
Did you introduce your date to your family and friends and ask them for their opinions?
Nope, I brought my wife home for christmas after we were living together it was more about people getting to know each other. I have to live with her so as long as I’m happy I don’t care about their opinions.
What did you do on the date? If you have gone on many dates before, then what was your first date like?
Back in high school we probably went minigolfing, this was in the late 90s but im sure its still a great way to talk and be alone without actually being along.
Did you send your date any gifts? If so, what were they? How did they receive the gifts?
Nope, no gifts until I was certain I was she was worth something.
How much money did you spend on your date? If you have gone on many dates, what is the approximate average spending of the dates?
First dates are for seeing if you even want to talk to the girl generally as an adult I wont pay for more then a drink or a cup of coffee maybe $15. As a kid I’d drop maybe 20 for dinner or pizza and golf or a movie ticket.
Do you have any practical advice that you would like to give to the younger generation about dating and courtship?
Date often and date lots of people, don’t settle down until you’re sure there is no chance of finding anyone better.
Where are you from? Dating in the US is very common. Though it just mostly hanging out with your friends, and friends friends, and then you get a connection with someone you like and see them more.
[QUOTE=enipla]
Dating in the US is very common. Though it just mostly hanging out with your friends, and friends friends, and then you get a connection with someone you like and see them more.
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Where do you make friends? How do you make friends? Is it easier to make friends by selecting a random church and hoping that you’ll find a spouse there?
I thought I could gain some insights on how the dating process is initiated in the United States and perhaps how one can recognize something as “dating”. But then, after seeing enipla’s post, I figured it might be just easier to make friends and choose one of the best friends as a potential spouse. The only problem is, if you choose one of your best friends, then he/she may think that you have a sexual interest in him/her, even though that may not be the case.
Was the date serious or casual? Casual (what is a serious date?)
How many dates did you have before you met your spouse, if you are currently married or have been married? Many, I didn’t count.
Was sexual attraction involved in dating? Not always.
Did you introduce your date to your family and friends and ask them for their opinions? No
What did you do on the date? If you have gone on many dates before, then what was your first date like? (a) bowling, dinner, movies, racquetball, playing ping-pong in the Student Union, rock concerts, dancing, hanging out at friends’ houses, moderately criminal mischief [climbing the water tower & spray painting graffiti thereon], driving around aimlessly (later dates), parking & making out (later dates) (b) First date was like any other date, usually, except as noted.
Did you send your date any gifts? If so, what were they? How did they receive the gifts? No, nor did I usually get any, unless it was some kind of gifting occasion.
How much money did you spend on your date? If you have gone on many dates, what is the approximate average spending of the dates? I was a girl; I often didn’t spend the money, especially on the first date. But going Dutch happened. Also, in the case of something like a rock concert, maybe he would give me the money and I’d stand in line for tickets (sometimes for hours and hours), or I’d provide the money and he’d get the tickets, or I’d drive and pay for parking. Or he’d buy the movie tickets and I’d get the popcorn and drinks. All variations depending on economic situation of the parties at the time and what we wanted to do.
Do you have any practical advice that you would like to give to the younger generation about dating and courtship? Don’t be needy. You don’t need a girlfriend/boyfriend. If you question whether it’s worth it, it probably isn’t.
A final word of advice: It doesn’t have to be serious. It doesn’t have to “amount to anything.” If you think it would be fun to go somewhere with someone, ask them! If you ask, generally, you pay (this is still true among friends in my peer group and I am not talking about dating).
The dichotomy of “casual dating” and “serious dating” is real. Casual dating is a person dating merely for pleasure or temporary diversion. Serious dating means a person is looking for or expecting a spouse.
Are you from a really insular religious group, on “the spectrum”, or what? Why haven’t you learned the social norms around dating the usual way if you are from the US?
Answering this question will probably allow people to give better advice than this survey.
Edit: Genuinely not trying to be rude here. We all have our quirks.
I never dated before, and I have no real-world experience. I usually don’t talk much with others, hence the lack of information. I would add that my isolation is caused by my personality. I get extremely nervous and uncomfortable when socializing, and I usually do well in conversations when I have already mentally rehearsed rough sketches of what the conversation is going to be like, or when I have a set purpose. That said, I think my personality is a good thing, because it removes myself from the gene pool. In other words, I am not really interested in dating myself, just how the process works.
Does this involve not making long-term commitments to the affair or telling all your family and friends that you are dating/courting this person prior to marriage?
Was the date serious or casual?
Casual, and overwhelmingly casual in my life even though before my marriage I had a general focus on finding The OneTM. The first real date with my ex-wife was really a pseudo-date where we both knew it was more than just best friends hanging out but outwardly we both clung to the illusion. I strongly knew it was likely going down the path of very serious very quickly. It did. So call it one serious date by your definition, played off as casual, in my life. Some fell in between your notion of a dichotomy between casual and serious. Mostly just casual.
How many dates did you have before you met your spouse, if you are currently married or have been married?
No clue. Not many. Of course, we both dated other people in the time after we met. Reality is less linear than Hollywood.
Was sexual attraction involved in dating?
Always. Otherwise it’s just friends spending time together not dating.
Did you introduce your date to your family and friends and ask them for their opinions?
The only person I dated that ever got introduced to family was the ex-wife. Many dates got introduced to me by friends. Never asked for others opinions.
What did you do on the date? If you have gone on many dates before, then what was your first date like?
My first actual date was prom. Quite varied for the rest. It’s about finding something you both like to do together.
Did you send your date any gifts? If so, what were they? How did they receive the gifts?
Rarely and usually only after dating for a while.
How much money did you spend on your date? If you have gone on many dates, what is the approximate average spending of the dates?
No idea. An average would be meaningless if I could give it. From almost nothing (literally just gas money) to more expensive out of town trip involving lodging and all meals.
Do you have any practical advice that you would like to give to the younger generation about dating and courtship?
Don’t Panic.
I lived in a rural area and waited until I could drive.
Casual
Dozens and dozens.
No, we began dating in hopes of forming an alliance between our warring families. I mean, no nevermind. Of course it was sexual attraction.
Of course not. I was 16. No 16 year old would willingly do that.
It was a high school dance, which at the time I asked her seemed less pressure than asking her to do something completely alone with her. Unfortunately it didn’t occur to me until too late that it wasn’t a good idea because I didn`t like dances or dancing.
Since then most of my first dates were dinners at increasingly nicer restaurants until I stopped dating new women altogether.
Absolutely not. That would be extremely creepy.
Whatever it cost for the two of us to eat or do something. I never worried too much about it.
You’re way overthinking it. You need to dial your “analytical” thinking back about 99% and rely on your intuition and just go with the flow. The only chance this thread will help you at all is if it makes you realize you need to stop planning for a romantic life like you’re doing.
