Yo.
I started dating January, 2/2015 after my divorce. I’ve been in two minor relationships since, then ended up Back On The Market in 5/2015. I’m having my 27th first date of the year this coming Thursday.
Is it pathological to keep looking this persistently? I can’t help but think my match is out there somewhere, and I hate to stop looking for her.
What is your tale of a zillion first dates?
Cheers,
Squeegee
How many 2nd dates, 3rd dates…?
nm
Six
Four
This year, one. And it’s been a busy year at that.
Maybe 8 the first year I decided to date after being widowed.
It’s totally a numbers game.
It’s not at all pathological to be dating that much, dating is a numbers game. Good luck on finding your match.
In the forty months between my divorce and meeting my now-wife, I went on about 50 first dates. I probably met about half of them on OKCupid, the rest through mutual friends or work. Of the fifty, about half resulted in second dates, and about twenty led to sex (though not necessarily on the first date).
Back in the day, it was a busy year for me if I went on two first dates, and zero wasn’t out of the question. So if you’re averaging about a first date every week, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
As my mother used to say, “Mr (or Ms) Right isn’t going to come knocking on your front door. You have to go out there and meet people and hope one of them is the right one.” Old advice, but still valid. The more folks you meet, the better chance you’ll have of finding one who rings your chimes.
Good luck.
So, yes, I am treating it as a numbers game: you can’t win if you don’t play. My father told me he thinks I’m making myself miserable doing this. So I thought I’d throw the question out to the group.
To be fair, I am going through a miserably humbling spell where every lady I meet tells me she doesn’t feel any chemistry, or makes thin excuses*. Eight in a row, now. But I keep at it. I’ve got another date with a lady on Tinder on Thursday, angling for one with a Match lady maybe tomorrow or the next day. You can’t win if you don’t play. But damn, I could use a little ego boost and some better luck.
*One actually used a lifeline on me: she went to the bathroom, came back and “coincidentally” got a call just after with sudden news she had to leave ASAP. :rolleyes: Look, just say you’re not into me and I won’t be offended. It’s a freaking coffee date.
If it helps any, I’m living vicariously through you.
Are you making yourself miserable? Do you enjoy going out on the dates, or is it something you dread, or something in between? People have different tolerances for going out on first dates; I know some people who love it and look forward to the chance of getting to know new people, and some people who dread it and just see it as a necessary hurdle to avoid having to be alone forever.
If you are making yourself miserable, it wouldn’t hurt to cut back and try some other routes, like speed dating, or Grouper dates, or Meetups, or other ways to meet people, including eligible single people. But if you aren’t making yourself miserable, and you are somewhat enjoying it, and you do seem to be having some luck if you are getting some 2nd and 3rd dates, then you should keep doing what you’re doing.
In the carefree days of my youth sometimes maybe a hundred? Some were sort of quickies (want to run out for a beer between classes?) and some were out and out quickies but times were different then. You couldn’t catch anything that caused much other than a reason to blush when you saw the doctor and almost anyone would “first date” almost anyone else.
I haven’t had a first date since 2012 (which is also the year that my last relationship ended). I like to think that others – like the OP – are out there balancing the cosmic dating scales. 
It’s a combination of both for me. I really do enjoy it a lot of the time. It is nice to meet new people. I’m a 50/50 custody father of a teenager, so I have a lot of time on my hands to make acquaintances. It’s something to do, and can be fun, and it can lead to friendship or more. I’m good friends with a couple of the dating failures, and sometimes we swap stories of the joys and frustrations of the dating scene or just hang out platonically.
On the other hand, it does get awfully depressing. The insincerity, the other person gamely trying and failing to hide their disappointment (some don’t even try). Messaging with someone for days leading to nothing and silence. But I do try not to let it affect my attitude, and treat everyone as a fresh experience.
It’s funny, I was just talking to a friend this morning who gave me this advice: time to change things up, try a different approach. I know about Meetup, but for some reason my end of this valley seems really dead for people organizing things, but I do keep an eye on that and have been to a few things. Match does ‘mixer’ things, from meeting in mixed-sex groups at a bar to group archery lessons to, yes, speed dating, and I should try a few of those.
First date 27 tomorrow for lunch, then Date 28 Thursday night meeting at (god help me) an Appleby’s after her exercise class. My platonic friend Amber says you have to go on 100 dates to find your soul mate. I’d settle for a steady girlfriend before 40 dates.
I dunno, this sounds fishy to me.
<smacks OneCentStamp with a wet…>
Ooh, clever, clever. I almost fell for it.
I’ve been on 3 so far this year all within the last two weeks. None have made it to a second date. All would have said yes. I’m sort of taking a hiatus after this most recent spell, but I will probably be out there in a month or so. I will make 2-3 dates a week, and begin the whittle down process.
I’ve been on 1 date, total - in my life. 
My social/romantic life has sucked my whole life. Sometimes I wish I could get a do over, knowing what I now, but I also think knowing that, I would never bother to try.