I hate dating:(

The BBQ Pit
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Maybe I am trying to date too soon after a divorce. As I was married for four years, I have forgotten how to flirt, be coy, bat my lashes, You all get the point. I am a lousy flirt, and it seems no one likes a girl thats upfront, or wants somebody to be upfront. Apparently since the last time I dated there are these unwritten rules that have appeared.

Playing hard to get: what is this? what are we on a funny tv sitcom where we need to shoot each other down and then make out after we run out of ammo? why do we need to play hard to get? Does it help our self esteem or something? I don’t get it.

Flirting: There is nothing wrong with flirting, but, whats wrong with “Hey I like you, lets get lunch”, instead of shillyshallying all over the place?

This 3rd date sex thing: When the hell did this become a given? The last two men I dated have both just assumed that we would be getting Wickywickyjiggyjiggity on the floor. am I committing some dating faux pas by not automatically having sex on the third date?( with both of these men, the naturally assuming we would have sex on the third date ended the chance of a fourth, especially the one who said “well there is no reason for us to talk again if you aren’t going to put out” Way to be real mature there bud)

I know I have only been single for a year and divorced for a couple months(we were separated first) so maybe I should just wait and try again in 2007. I just don’t get it, It never seemed to be this hard before. Of course I was 18 before. Is dating as a full fledged old person( not that anyone 22 and older is old I just feel old, been a sucky year) always going to suck?

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I kinda like to know a person well before the boinkage happens. And if I think its getting to that point, I am going to ask for a std screen before it happens, on top of using protection, If you are close enough to be having sex, I don’t think that its a big deal- whoever can most certainly have a copy of my most recent std tests. There are too many STD’s out there to be having casual sex, IMHO. Maybe I ask too much, and am a bit too conservative, which is a distinct possibility.

And to the last guy I dated, FUCK YOU. I told you from the getgo that I don’t do casual sex. Your whole "Well I thought i could bring you around, because all girls really want it " spiel makes me sick.

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this post has been Graped by the Grapist!

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He’s the Hamburglar.
BAN HIM!

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this post has been Graped by the Grapist!

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Graped by the Grapist LOL thats rich- I mean- He is very very bad.( I have to admit it made me chuckle, thought raisinbread had went crazy)

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Oh yeah, can you be grapey in another thread, purple is not the color for my dating angst.

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k

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Nothing wrong with it. I like girls that are upfront.

Well, at least some kissing by the third date. Sex might be pushing things a bit.

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Don’t despair; you are certainly not alone in thinking dating sucks, nor are you alone in being reluctant to screew the brains out of someone you have essentially known for only a few hours. If he can’t deal with that concept, he’s not worth your energy. (And I can’t imagine that someone who has such a huge sense of entitlement and is that inflexible would be that much fun in bed, anyway.)

You did the right thing. Dating generally sucks, but the times that it doesn’t make the rest all worth it. Of course, I’m 34 and single, so you probably shouldn’t listen to a damn thing I say.

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dating does suck, especially for those thrown back into the dating pool. Rules HAVE changed, and there’s just no denying it. That said, many people do not put out by the third date, I think that may be a myth that some over-eager men LIKE to believe.

Good luck, it’s nasty out there.

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Well, at least some of you seem to feel you had a grasp on the rules at some point. Some of us don’t really get them the first time around! :slight_smile:

As a 23 year old guy, let me say that the “rules” are a joke, and anyone who won’t date you unless you play by them isn’t worth your time.

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It beats not dating.

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May I ask where you are meeting these guys you’re dating? I know there are guys out there willing to wait past the 3rd date to get some.

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Sounds like you’ve discovered a good moron filter there. Treasure it.

It can take a bit of time to sort though all the jerks and find someone that actually cares about you. Hang in there, they are out there.

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In the movie Airplane!, after breaking up with Julie Haggarty, Chad Everett throws himself out of the airplane without a parachute, because he “just couldn’t face the dating scene again”.

Sounds about right.

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I am yet to manage to get a date. All my relationships have eventuated out of one night stands that happened because the other person was sorry for me, or really desperate for some reason.

I have no idea how you do any of that stuff. Please tell me I’m not alone.

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I’m in the same boat as you are, I’ve been seperated over a year from my wife and it’s headed toward divorce so sooner or later I’m going to have to start dating again and I am dreading it. I hate the hard to get, the flirting, the pick-up lines, etc. I’ve forgotten everything about dating. Hell, last time I dated was in high school.

FTR, I wish more women were upfront. Real big turn on for me.

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Yikes! Those guys sound rudiculously immature. Do they think you’re going to turn into a pumpkin after the third date? :wink:

Seriously, ew. I hope you find some people who actually worthy of your time.

-M

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Count me in as a man who also hates the after-divorce dating scene. Last year after my divorce was finalized and I tried the dating scene again, I felt like I was playing a strange game where I didn’t know the rules and had no idea what the protocol was. I went on one date which seemed to go very well–she asked me to call her later that weekend. She didn’t return my call, or an e-mail a few days later, and never spoke to me again. With the next woman I dated we reached the “second date” phase. At the end of the second date, we embraced, she told me to call her later that weekend…yes, same result.

I too am not good at flirting, being coy, or playing “hard to get.” Say, Deadly, too bad I don’t live anywhere near Illinois–at the very least we could commiserate about our plight!

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I don’t date. Did it once in 1995, and that was that. But I’ve heard about the third-date thing. I heard about it in all places, Dilbert. (Too bad he was 15% short!)

I’m a much, much better flirt online than in real life, so that’s how things will go.