That gets a big ol’ WTF? from me. It sounds like she needs to not be trying to date at a time when she’s too busy with her caregiving, but blaming you for not being understanding enough? Not cool.
As for the OP, it sounds like the best outcome here is that you’ve both decided to move on - no harm, no foul.
Are you sure the guy even really came to town? Could be a “catfish” type scenario where he has a good time chatting up women in different areas (the further away, the better) and then when it comes time to meet up, they suddenly have lots of excuses on why it won’t work out.
Now you know about how he feels about getting caught in the rain? Does he like Pina Coladas?
Diva.
I drove home on Sunday for an hour and a half a 20 mph in the snow, because it was the only safe speed. Torrential rain could be just as dangerous.
If you can’t wait a week to see somebody, expecting them to risk life or limp to see you, then that is your issue, not his.
Yes, it is “just you”, and ‘diva’ wouldn’t be the word I’d use to describe you.
What word would you use, etv78?
Maybe but she isn’t the only one who gets pissed about those things. I despise people cancelling at the last minute or showing any flakiness so I can and have cut people off for good on the first offense. It is doing everyone a favor because I am never going to put up with that type of thing. A little rain or snow is just a test to see how dependable someone really is.
Seriously this. Rain? He didn’t want to come because it was rainy? You should call his manliness into question over this. Rain can make for some of the very best dates. You’re dealing with a dithering weasel.
No, he’s staying at his friend’s house, he said.
He sent me two messages tonight.
First one in the evening (when I was at work, so didn’t get it till three hours later) saying “Hey, I’m in the centre, do you want to meet up?”. Oh btw, it was still raining at this point…
I said, I hadn’t replied earlier because I was working. He said: "Okay, don’t worry. I really hope we can meet up during the next few days. " To which I replied, “I’ll try, but this week really is crazy.”
Look, I’ll even go for that drink, if it so happens to be an easy thing for me to do, but it’s not something I’ll go out of my way to make happen.
And if a girl pulled that shit on me I’d be done with her just as quickly. I don’t have anything to prove and if someone called out my manliness (or lack thereof) before a first date I’d let her know that it’s not going to work out.
Well VERY rainy. But I agree about dating in the rain. I mean, I know the places here with the best hot chocolate, the nicest herbal teas and the nicest prosecco and bar snacks in town. I would so go on a rainy date with me.
Sounds like (as I said way at the beginning) that you’re the one that’s not interested. Just cut him loose and move on.
Ok, maybe it’s just because my job involves a lot of driving and walking around in the rain in an uncomfortable uniform delivering steaming packages to ungrateful slobs/potential rapists/gangbangers/old cat ladies who smell like pee/people who send their kids to the door so they don’t have to look you in the eye while they stiff you with exact change/pedophiles…
But if I have a date scheduled, and it starts to rain, I’m thinking to myself… awesome. I have a date, and an excuse to be indoors. More pussy for me.
The man who is not interested in getting some due to **rain **is a man who is not actually a man at all, but probably a guy who is flirting with the idea of being into dudes.
I definitely agree with this. Yeah, there are some girls I’d walk 300 miles uphill both ways in a blizzard to have 30 minutes of tea with, but I actually know them. No, he’s not that into her if he’s not willing to go through pouring rain in an unfamiliar city to see her, but so what? There are plenty of perfectly good relationships that start out with one party being standoffish, or something bad happening, or a misunderstanding.
If you don’t want to date people who aren’t head over heels for you after a few IMs on a dating site, that’s your prerogative, but I think you’re filtering out a lot of people that could be great spouses. They just lack the desire to go through a bunch of trouble for someone they’re not sure, yet, that they don’t like. For all you know after 6 months of dating this guy would swim across the pacific in a hurricane for you.
I’m not going to call the OP a diva, or anything, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that some random guy you agreed to meet online (and that’s all he really is) is going to be that into you. That doesn’t mean he’ll never be into you, it doesn’t mean you’ll have to expend tons of effort to woo him. It just means that maybe you need to have a couple of good meetings before he’s ready to brave pouring rain to see you.
I agree it’s a little flaky, and would certainly annoy me, but I wouldn’t bring dependability into it. There’s a difference between heavy rain getting in the way of going on an effectively blind date, and not going to your job or deciding not to volunteer at the soup kitchen or telling your friend you can’t babysit because it’s raining. If this were, say, the second or third date I’d be with you, but a first date with someone they barely even know? I can’t really hold it against him.
I… just… what? Are we really doing the “any guy who doesn’t go to any lengths to get laid is probably a fag” thing? (Not to mention the insinuation that a guy into dudes is “no man at all”)
You’d have no problem if I applied the same reversed shamming to women right ?
What’s wrong with her this is our first date, and she didn’t make any attempt to beautify herself up for me. She should of womaned up.
But in support of the OP, if he really would of wanted to see you he would came rain or no rain. Otherwise, he shouldn’t be on dating sites or be more straight up with people instead of stringing them along if he’s not interested or he just may have other issues. Either way it doesn’t bode well. Move on.
The “b” word.
If the guy didn’t want to go out in the rain but still wanted to impress the OP, he would have framed his concerns in terms of her comfort and safety.
“I would hate for you to have to travel out in this tempest, risking life and limb just to see a crazy bloke like me. It would make me feel better if we postponed our rendezvous until it’s a mite drier, so I don’t have to worry about your safety. What do you think?”
If a guy told me this, I would be too charmed to even consider whether the issue really had to do with his disdain for getting rained on. Style goes a long way sometimes.
This is definitely a YMMV thing, I think. To me, that seems a bit transparently and excessively sycophantic. It just feels like a sugared up excuse, which IMO is worse than just making the damn excuse in the first place. In my eyes it would be a bit insulting, and my gut reaction would be “dude, if you don’t want to go out in the rain just say it.” It wouldn’t be the end of the world, or a dealbreaker, or anything, but it would be a tad obnoxious to me. You’re not wrong for being charmed about stuff like that, but I don’t think it would necessarily be better if he did that; just perhaps it makes him less compatible with people like you.
If he said it with pinch of humor and irony, then there would no reason to read anything negative in it because that would be taking it more seriously than necessary. I don’t like flattery or going overboard with solictiousness at all, but I do think if you’re going to cancel a date because of the weather, the gracious thing would be to act as though you’re not thinking of just yourself.
But a guy is certainly free to cancel a first date by saying “sorry, but I don’t wanna get wet”. I’m just saying he might want to consider another approach if he doesn’t want her to lose interest in him.
Everyone that’s still ragging on the guy should probably note that once all was said on done, he was up for the date (and future arrangements) and she bailed on him.
OP, you’re just not that into him, you’re leading him on, and looking for ways to make him the bad guy so that you can say “Well, I tried, but he…”
Look, you were all up in arms about him not wanting to go out in the rain, but now you tell him that you might not be able to make it out anytime in the next few days because you have a crazy week? So, no time in the next few days can you find an hour for lunch or a few hours after work?
Okay, so let’s just say you really, honestly, truly can’t find a few minutes to meet him any time in the next three days. Then you have no fucking business busting his balls for not meeting you today. You have your reasons and maybe he does too. Ever think of that. Maybe he’s on some other message board writing about how he “had a date all set up but had to cancel it at the last minute because of the weather and now this girl won’t even attempt to meet him even though he’s available Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, what the hell”
I’m not trying to be mean, just look at it from his side.