Dating opinion - "it's raining"

Was talking to this guy on OKCupid. He lives in a city quite far away from me, but is here for two weeks. Asked me for a date yesterday night. I agreed to meet up today, in the afternoon. Today it’s raining cats and dogs. It’s not stormy or cold, but it’s definitely pouring.

So, get a message from guy asking to postpone date. This is fine, except I have absolutely and honestly zero time till Sunday; today was the only time I had free. He says, wait and see if the weather changes. I’m sure it won’t.

Have to say, I’m now annoyed. I think it was totally okay to ask to postpone, but when I said I really couldn’t, I think he should have manned up and said “okay, I’ll make it”. Sure, we could have hot chocolate somewhere nice and cozy. Personally, I think if he tells me he can’t make it today, I’m going to call the whole thing off completely. Or am I being a diva expecting him to trek through rain?

Clearly it’s not fine or okay with you.

If he really wanted to see you he wouldn’t have cancelled due to the rain (unless he really doesn’t like driving in it (which is fair) but he would have said that). If you really liked him you wouldn’t be holding this against him and you very clearly are.

IMO the two should cut your losses and move in.
Also, another IMO. You’ve called out his ‘manliness’ twice in your post. I think it’s you that have a problem with him and you that are looking for a reason to take a pass on him. Just take the opportunity he’s giving you right now. I promise, he’s telling you who he is right now. How are you going to fell in 6 months when he doesn’t feel like manning up to walk through the pouring rain to do something else for you? Might as well not go out with him now then break up with him then.
I know this seems a bit harsh, but it bugs me. I had someone do this to me a while back (she was a bit crazy IMO). We made it up to almost going on our first date and then she made me out to be this big jerk so she’d have a reason to not go out with me, this is, IMO, what you’re doing. This long and hard and decide if there’s some other reason that maybe you don’t like him as much as you want to. Are there other reasons that maybe you don’t actually want to go out with him and you’re trying to make it seem like he’s the bad guy?

Just to be clear, I haven’t met this guy in real life yet. Nor have we had any in depth conversation. I think he was looking for someone to hang out with while in town, which I was happy to be.

But you’re right, it doesn’t sit easy with me. I think if you invite someone, you can’t really back out for something like bad weather. It makes me feel a bit cheap, you know. Or is that just me? That’s the purpose of the thread, I suppose.

Did he specifically back out due to rain or was there some other reason? Snow, ice, hurricanes, tornadoes, and maybe even heavy thunderstorms might, just might, cause me to break a date, but not just rain.

No. Just rain. Heavy rain. Rain that could get you quite wet. But nothing dangerous.

IMO if he wanted to keep his feet dry, this would have been the moment for a white lie, or a simple “something has come up”.

Me, I’ve decided we won’t be going on a date.

You should have known something was up when his online profile did not mention “love long walks in the rain”. Sometimes that which is not said speaks loudest. For instance, does his profile mention that he loves puppies? If not, he probably kicks them for sport. If so, he kicks cats instead. If he mentions that he loves dogs AND cats, then by all means hide the gerbils.

Admittedly, not everyone can parse these things as well as I but I’m always glad to help!

He didn’t back out, he postponed. You backed out.

Maybe the last time it rained he got into a car wreck. Maybe his parents both died on a rainy day. Maybe he hates the extra little hassles of dealing with inclement weather. Maybe he just really doesn’t like being out in the rain for no real reason at all other than personal preference.

I wouldn’t say I laughed out loud, but sort of quietly snorted at least.

I think you’re overthinking and attributing a bunch of motives to his behaviour. So yes, you are being a bit of a diva.

What motives am I attributing?

It may be the rain was the little white lie

Dunno about over-thinking it - seems pretty simple. The bloke cannae be arsed to put on a coat and come out to meet you. It’s hardly diva-behaviour to be irritated by that degree of disinterest.
If he is interested in you but is genuinely worried about venturing out in the rain then I guess the weather’s done you a big favour.

He’s just not into you.

Don’t take it personally or be offended by it. If he really really wanted to see you, the rain would be a non-issue. Because he only kinda sorta wanted to see you, the rain presented too much of a hassle. Instead of being peeved by his behavior, be glad that you have such a clear indication of (dis)interest. Now you can decide whether he’s worth your time and emotional energy.

You don’t want to have a date with a guy who only kinda sorta wants to see you, right? Well, that’s what you would’ve had if he decided to keep the date despite the rain.


Yes, here I am in bed with three super models, now what will I tell the chick off OKCupid?

Yes, exactly. This is how I read his behaviour.

Evey motive other than, “I’d like to postpone our date due to the rain.”

Which is to say, if that’s all he said, any motive at all. You can make up stories all you like about *why *he’s postponing your date. Which story you chose to believe in the absence of evidence says more about you than about him.

“He’s probably going out to lay sandbags to save an orphanage near the river,” <----you are a kind and generous person.

“He’s not manly,” <---- you may have overly romantic notions based on stereotypical gender roles.

If you’re the “sandbag” type storyteller, you should find a person who actually does go out and lay sandbags during a rainstorm, and you should go lay sandbags with him. If you’re the “not manly” type storyteller, you should find someone who is also into romantic stereotypical gender roles.

Dude doesn’t like going out in the rain, and had the good sense not to creep you out by inviting you to his place to check out the awesome well and sewing room in his basement.

You’ll find a lot of people are made uncomfortable by things that you couldn’t care less about. You don’t seem to think heavy rain is a big deal and HE should go out in it so you don’t have to feel cheap. Maybe he doesn’t think being flexible for someone else’s preferences is a big deal. I think if you cancel the date you both dodge a bullet.

Even if it’s not dangerous, going out in heavy rain isn’t exactly the most pleasant experience. Especially if it’s a first date, going through that frustration, driving in it, getting wet, it can put a damper on the whole thing, and this is particularly important to keep in mind when you’re making a first impression. Further, a date SHOULD be fun, and going out in the rain isn’t. I think requesting to delay or wait out the weather is completely reasonable, not only on his part, but for your sake as well. Obviously, you have the right to say no, but it seems absolutely reasonable to ask.

IMO if he wanted to keep his feet dry, this would have been the moment for a white lie, or a simple “something has come up”.

So you’d rather someone lie to you and say “something came up” rather than be honest and say he’d rather not go out in the rain and try to reschedule? I’d prefer an honest reason every time. Hell, given that that’s the reason he gave, if he’s really interested and it’s the only time you are willing and able to make for him he very well may suck it up. But if he gave no reason, it could be anything from cold feet to a death in the family, and instead of thinking he’s being unreasonable for not wanting to trek out in heavy rain, you might instead think he has cold feet when he had to go to a funeral.

Frankly, it sounds like you’re doing him a favor. He made a simple and reasonable request about rescheduling and that’s enough to cancel the whole thing for you. I get it, you’re busy, many of us are busy these days and it’s difficult to make time, but if it’s important, you make time.

Speaking for myself, in general I’m busy every night of the week except one, so if I am going to go out, that’s the night I prefer. If something comes up on another night, I decide whether or not it’s more important than the other stuff I’m doing. If it is, I rearrange or cancel my other activities, if it’s not, I politely decline.

So, if it’s a date, if I want to see her, I will generally rearrange my schedule on a night I’m busy to see her. If I’m not willing to do that, then I’m obviously not interested enough in her to make meeting her a priority, and I’m doing both of us a favor by moving on.
So, yes, in my opinion, you’re being a diva by expecting way too much out of a guy you obviously have, at best, luke-warm interest in, for a first date in pouring rain.

Help me clarify the timeline.

He says that he’s going to be in town -> You say you’re free Monday (all day? evening?) -> He agrees -> He gets into town last night and checks the weather and wants to reschedule -> You think it’s fine but say you can’t reschedule for anything other than Sunday -> He says let’s wait to see if the weather changes -> ?

So really the question is why you didn’t make concrete plans the first time around. If you had just said “meet up”, it begs the question “what”, “where”, and “when”. If it was dinner, at the steakhouse, at 7, it wouldn’t make sense. If it was a hike, by floodzone river walk, 10 am, rescheduling sounds more reasonable. The problem compounds in not solidifying the reschedule. The cherry on top is the weird schedule restrictions. Free all day Monday, but not free until Sunday, even for a couple evening hours for dinner. I know doctors that keep more flexible hours.

No, that’s definitely not the kind of guy any lady would want to date. He sounds so, so, how shall I put this? , UN-desperate.

You definitely want a guy who shows some desperation. Going out in the rain for a first casual date out-of-town would have seemed to qualify. But this guy isn’t that.