So about five days ago I started talking to this lady online. We’ve chatted on the phone ONCE for like 90 minutes. But have texted everyday.
To be honest, I was kind of “meh” about the whole thing. But I figured: At least wait until you meet before coming to any conclusions. We are supposed to meet today for ice cream to see if we click.
Well, last night I met a wonderful lady online. We have so many shared interests. The convo we had left me feeling intoxicated. It was just great! And we’ve continued to text each other all day today. More greatness!
But now I have zero interest in meeting the first lady. I guess I’m just not cut out for dating more than one person at a time. I feel so damn guilty, I don’t know what to tell this lady. If anything, as much as I hate the idea of “ghosting” someone.
Go meet the first woman as scheduled. Have coffee or whatever, and see what happens. If you still prefer the new lady, then just be polite and take your leave.
I agree; no need to cancel the meeting. Maybe you’ll like her a lot. At worst just go and have some ice cream. If you don’t click, you haven’t lost anything, and you’ll have at least gained the certainty that you gave it a go.
Yeah, meet her. You’ve met the other woman once. You’re not exclusive and she has no right to expect you to be exclusive after a single date. After your date, you can say that you had a fun time, but you don’t know if there’s a spark between you, but you think she’s a great person. The end.
If I’m like 99.99% sure I’m going to opt for the new lady, wouldn’t it be kind of rude to agree to meet the old lady purely for the sake of going through the motions?
I’m not sure she would appreciate that if she knew my true feelings.
I’d probably go on the second date. That said, a woman cancelled on me once because she met someone else where they really clicked the night before and I didn’t mind at all. Ghosting is out of the question.
I’d say go have the ice cream. You’re texting with someone else online, but you’ve never met her. It sounds like you haven’t even talked yet. You really have no idea if you’ll like Lady 2 in the long run. No reason to cancel the ice cream.
Well, the new lady needs to opt for you as well for that to work out.
Don’t get too excited about someone you have only met online. You might have no chemistry in person. IMO, it’s way too early to put that much stock in one online conversation and some texting.
If you’re meh about this first woman that might be reason not to go meet her. But putting so much faith in the second woman is getting way ahead of yourself at this point. Go meet them both and take it from there.
You’re looking for someone to give you permission to duck out of the first meeting, but you already know it’s the wrong thing to do.
This isn’t that hard. Go on the ice cream “date” with the first woman, and if you still feel as you are sure you will, then simply send her a kind note that says something like, “It was good to meet. However, I am not interested in furthering a relationship. Best to you in your search for a partner.”
This approach 1) doesn’t leave the woman hanging, 2) clearly states your wishes and 3) takes personal responsibility for your decision.
Anything else is immature and cowardly.
If she continues to communicate, say, asking for more information about your choice, you are free to ignore her at that point.
Good luck with it all. Online dating can be tricky, I hear.
I went on an hours-long date with a guy once and I had us married by the end of it. We even shared a passionate kiss! By the next day he was turning me down and that was the end of that.
Don’t count on on Lady #2 being a sure thing. Similarly don’t count on Lady #1 being a non-thing. Drawing hard lines in the sand is a terrible way to get out there and date. You can be loose and flexible at the beginning.
Ghosting is not cool, so it should be your last resort. Consider getting really really drunk, and then call her to cancel the ice cream thing on account of you’re really really drunk–you thought you had it under control but dating kind of stresses you out and you sort of fell off the wagon. The conversation will probably proceed on a natural course from there.
You made the date with he first lady, so keep it. Worse thing that could happen is that it confirms your suspicions this is a bad match. Best thing that could happen is that yall hit it off. Then you’ll have two prospective candidates rather than just one.
If I may share a personal story that feels somehow relevant: Years back, I started talking to a guy (we’ll call him Bob) in the same week that I met another guy in person (Ralph). Bob asked me out on a date when I had known Ralph for, oh, maybe a week or two. I turned Bob down, telling him that I had met someone I was interested in and wanted to see where this thing with Ralph went.
Fast forward to today: I’m married to Ralph. I did eventually meet Bob after keeping in touch only online for the first couple years of our friendship. Bob and I still get together regularly, and there are no hard feelings.
Granted, there are several pretty key differences: I had actually met Ralph in-person, and I had never actually agreed to go out on a date with Bob. But I see the similarity in that once you know where your heart is, I think it is more respectful to be honest with the person whom you’re not (currently) interested in pursuing things further with, than to meet up with them when the person really doesn’t even have a fair chance.
Another story from my past comes to mind: I went on a date with a guy who had broken up with his girlfriend six days earlier, and was still living with her. He was honest with me about the fact, and we had several months of dating for fun without it turning into anything serious. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I was okay with it.
The bottom line is everything runs more smoothly when you’re honest, regardless of whether you choose to cancel or go on the date as originally scheduled.
Look, I know you want to cancel Lady #1 because you’re getting married to Lady #2. But you’ve never actually met Lady #2 face to face, right?
What are the odds that Lady #2 is getting ready to cancel on you because she just started texting New Guy #2 and she’s marrying him next week? 80%, right?
And I know, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that she’s (Lady 2) not talking to some other bloke, and gravitating more towards him than me. But IDK, we just clicked really well. And I get the sense the feeling was mutual (Per our discussion of having never met someone online with so many common interests).