I got the impression you think he ‘can’t be arsed’ meeting you because of bad weather. But maybe he had something cool planned that relied on decent weather, and when it looked like rain, he wanted to postpone so he could still do the cool thing, then when you said you couldn’t see him until Sunday, he didn’t want to wait that long because he’s really keen to meet you, so he’s now saying ‘let’s see what happens weather-wise’.
I just want to say that when I wrote “man up”, I meant a totally generic non gender specific “man up”, as in “be brave”. I really didn’t mean imply that a masculine “strong” man would not be afraid of rain and that it isn’t masculine or that I expect men to run for me just because I’m female. Yes, I think it’s flaky and yes, I think it shows lack of interest. But it’s not a male-female thing for me, that was just bad wording.
The thing is, in fact, I was totally ready to go, in spite of the rain and would do so for a friend or a date. I suspect I have the same standards for others. Others might be more laidback, but I guess those aren’t really a good match for me.
Desperation is not cute, so I wouldn’t use that word. But I do think you want someone who is interested enough that they are willing to sacrifice some convenience and comfort to actually see you. Especially if there’s only a short window of time for that to happen because the guy is only in town for a short time and the OP has told him she’s booked up until next week.
I don’t think it’s wrong for the OP to use this postponement as way of gauging his level of interest in her. If she thinks he has some potential, then maybe she should agree to see him some later time. But she shouldn’t get her hopes up.
He was in town last night. I suspect he did a search on people in my town and found me. We chatted for half an hour. He suggested we meet up for “drinks or a coffee”. I suggested today. He agrees. This morning it starts raining cats and dogs. He asks to postpone. I say I can’t. This the honest truth - please don’t doubt me - it’s not always like this, but this week it is. I’m free lance - works arrives irregularly and I need to take it as it arrives.
The end of it is:
The weather doesn’t change. And he doesn’t write. Perhaps he’s rude, perhaps he didn’t like the implied pressure of my “I won’t have time till Sunday”. But problem solved anyway.
I’m not furious with him or anything. But I got the impression that he’s looking for something to hang out with without too much investment on his side and I’m just not prepared to make space for someone like that. Different intentions, I suppose.
What was your and his distance needed to travel, and by what means?
It is different if you live in the same town and meeting at a restaurant local to both, or if he needs to travel a hour plus to drive to date site that is local to you, or you both live in a city and take mass transit instead of drive.
But regardless to that, I would take it as you two are for whatever reason unable to sync at this time, so, to me at least, it is time for self exploration as to find out why, and I don’t give the power to the other person by saying they are at fault, but use it for learning about who I am, 'I need someone who is (using your words) manly enough, and explore what that says about you. Note I am not saying that requirement is bad or wrong, only that it exists.
I was typing that really fast as I was getting ready in the morning, there’s a lot of typos. But overall I’ll still stand by what I said. You really can’t know what he was thinking, but you’re clearly not that into him. Might as well just move on. You’ll never know what you’re missing, but even if you go ahead with the first date you’ve already got a bad first impression of him.
I feel totally qualified to reply, as I was dumped this weekend by a gal from OKCupid.
We had messaged, Emailed and talked on the phone. We had agreed to meet twice. She cancelled both times, and both times either the day of or late the evening before.
Granted, she had a good excuse that her mother, whom she partially cares for, was sick, hospitalized, had a procedure and wasn’t recovering well. I accepted her reasons.
This time, we were compromising on when to meet. She asked for something this weekend, I said “Sunday”. Mid-sunday morning I texted her w/ a proposal of 2:30. At 1 I texted her asking for acknowledgment / confirmation…
At 2:55, she texted that I was jerking her around and not respecting the challenges in her life… (I’m paraphrasing) and she’d have none of it.
I admit that I didn’t fully believe we would actually meet Sunday.
As to the (hey, it’s literally a) rain check; He’s in a far away city for 2 weeks. Probably has a rental car. Finding your way in a strange city is challenging enough. Hard rain makes it exponentially harder. Understandably not worth it to ‘hang out’ with someone you don’t have any real connection with.
I applaud his honesty. I’m on his side on this.
No, you had it right the first time. They should move in, and if that doesn’t resolve this little rain issue, then I suggest unprotected coitus followed by unwanted pregnancy. That will straighten out the little dickens.
He might say it’s not that little, but if he shrivels up because it’s cold and rainy, then he wasn’t that big to begin with.
Nope. It’s a medium-sized European city. A bus ride to the centre - he said he knew the town enough to get where we were supposed to meet. Nothing complex and nothing I wouldn’t have had to do myself. Just to make it clear, all this terrible discomfort he was to go through, I would have had to go through just the same.
To be honest, I think it’s a mismatch of expectations. No one is really to blame, but I think it’s not worth it for either of us now.
…And there is Absolutely No Chance that he was a snow-man and has now melted?
So this is sounding more casual than anything and everyone (myself included) should reserve judgment and outrage for the next dating advice thread. For what it’s worth, the lazy American in me did have a “Oh fuck that” moment when I read “bus”.
It sounds like he’s living in a hotel for the next two weeks. Maybe he forgot to pack an umbrella & doesn’t want to show up looking like a drowned rat… first impressions & all that.
Still, he might have left his umbrella and raincoat in his home city. And when the date was over, you had all the comforts of a warm home to come back to and he had a hotel room and a suitcase (and one change of clothes likely soaked).
Yeah, this was my thought. Normally I’d say that rain isn’t a reason to cancel unless the event is outside, but he is limited to what he brought with him. If that’s the case he should have just up front about it, though.
No, she didn’t. She said:
My emphasis.
I agree with the person who said if he really wanted to see you, he would make that clear (even if the weather wasn’t) and you wouldn’t be wondering.
Here’s my iron-clad guarantee: If you start dating this guy, fall in love with him, and get married, at the reception you will meet an ex who has an adorable story about how, on their first date, he drove 300 miles in blizzard conditions to meet her for a 10-minute cup of coffee between classes or something.
Ha. Me too. And I am TOTALLY like that when it comes to inconveniencing myself to go out with someone when I don’t especially want to. But if I really wanted to, I would manage. Then again, they’ve never even met yet so it’s entirely possible that he could get to be really into her even if he isn’t now.
If he really wanted to meet you, he would have done so. If it was about an umbrella, he could have bought a cheap one or simply told you “I’m travelling and don’t have an umbrella. Could you meet me in my hotel lobby and bring an extra?”
Men who really want to meet you will make it happen. He’s not made out of sugar, and umbrellas are not hard to come by. You are not being a diva. Not being afraid to cull the herd down to the men who are ready, willing and able to step up and bring it will save you a lot of time. He could be a perfectly nice guy, but this one is a complete waste of your time.
I met someone in conditions like these. We were scheduled to meet one night. We both got out of work late (me around 7, her around 9), it was cold, snowing/sleeting very hard and VERY VERY slippery out. We texted trying to decide if we were going to still meet that night or push it off to tomorrow. I was really looking forward to meeting her so I suggested that we go ahead with it anyways. If it didn’t work, we were only out an hour of our lives (since it was so late) but if it did, we could meet for longer tomorrow and not have to deal with the ‘first date jitters’. We ended up at the bar for 2 or 3 hours. I had a nice time, emailed her a few days later, never heard back. But a few weeks later she moved a few hours away so I’m not taking it personally.
At the very least it would have been really easy (and understandable) for her to push off the date in these conditions, and it was about a 25 minute drive from where she was.
And pray it isn’t raining when you go into labor, unless you’re anxious to give birth in a bathtub.