After a horrible experience with eHarmony, less than two weeks ago, I joined match.com. It’s been weirdly wonderful, in that I’ve face-to-face met several men, a few of them who have potential for more than a friendship. Not having dated in many, many years, I’m wondering at what point do I try and decide that I’d like to pursue one over the other and what do I tell the rest of them? We’re only talking about four or five guys here, not like a dozen or more, but it’s like being in a candy store and not being able to decide what to eat first!
I need some help…
Dating advice at 39? I think I’ve sunk to new a new low…
Just enjoy them all for a while, as long as you are comfortable with that. When it becomes clear that there is a mutual deisre to commit, you’ll know and you can address it then.
Ditto on the above advice. Don’t rush to commit too soon. I got back into dating at 39 after a 15 year relationship. It was an eye opening and largely really fun experience.
I’d keep seeing all of them until the bad ones weed themselves out (or they decide YOU are a “bad one” and weed you out) and eventually you might find one that you want to see exclusively and he agrees. Or you may not, and thus you can keep dating however many you can handle. It might be good to make sure that they know you don’t consider one date or 10 or whatever # to necessarily mean you are seeing ONLY them, as they should also do with you.
Nothing happened with eHarmony, and that was part of the problem. I got matched with approximately 75 guys over a six month period. Even though I specified a very specific geographical area, I got matched with guys who were in another state, or otherwise far away physically. Those who were close either didn’t pay the full membership (just did the questionaire and were “matched”, but didn’t have communication rights) which means they never began the communication process, or were one of two types:
–the “I’m too shy to go beyond emailing a woman, and don’t have the courage to meet face-to-face”.
OR
–the “I’ll meet you face to face, but am too shy to initiate or participate with conversations.”
After six months, I was frustrated, largely because it seemed that the guys with whom I was matched I had absolutely NOTHING in common with them. Our personalities didn’t mesh well, we didn’t have any common interests and it was just horrible.
I am also dating at 42 for the first time in 15 years and having a blast. Welcome to the club. Based on my experience, you should keep them all going until they naturally fall by the wayside. If they’re smart, they’re doing the exact same thing.
It’s so nice to see a thread like this where people aren’t complaining about how it’s impossible to find a date. Those threads scared the crap out of me when I became single. It ended up being rediculously easy.
Congratulations on your newfound popularity! I had terrible luck online, mainly because I don’t photograph well (everyone tells me I’m so much more attractive in person), but also because I was overweight. I’ve lost a lot of weight recently, am working out a lot, and am considering trying the online thing again soon - if I can get a photo that actually represents me as who I am. As for juggling numerous men: personally, I give my undivided attention to the man I’m with, and I find it disorienting to split myself among several men at once. So I prefer to date one man at a time, even when it’s just casual.
I also hated eHarmony - the men were no more “relationship-oriented” than at the other places, but just lied about it more in their profiles. Casual is fine, just don’t lie about it. The selection was worse and very limiting.
