Dating websites - asking for psychos or not?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I don’t think that Match actually makes any effort in analyzing their “matches” beyond zip code and age. They look random to me, anyway. You’re supposed to do the work yourself.

What do you find “scary looking”? And, if I may ask, how old are you? I find the overwhelming majority of people on Match to be more or less ordinary looking, which seems about right.

Considering the number of people I know (of both genders) who were married to psychos and it took them years to figure it out, you’re probably not going to be able to weed them out based on their prose style, mugshot, or their behavior on a single coffee date. Internet dating seems like it would be a simple thing from the outside, but the fact of the matter is that it takes a lot of work to find someone both attractive and interesting, to get that person to write you back, to get that person to actually meet in person, to get that person’s schedule to mesh with yours, et cetera. If you could find a dating site that narrows things down a bit as far as common interests – say, JDate if you’re Jewish, collarme.com if you want to be locked in a play dungeon – it would probably be a bit easier to at least start the dialog.

As an aside, my impression is that a great many women – the ones with a nicer photo especially – get weary very quickly from all the negative attention from creepy dudes and “hide” their profiles from public perusal. If you have a nice picture and have put some effort into what your own profile says, they will write to you. I’ve had more interesting exchanges with these “hidden” people than those I’ve turned up on my own. But it takes patience (and, of course, money).

22

I’m 44 yrs old.

The scary thing is just instinct. Something about the eyes.

23

You mean when they’ve been pecked out by crows and there is just a shaded empty eye socket staring back at you? I hate that. Is it just me?

Stranger

24

My girlfriend kept getting pictures of men’s penises. That’s what they’d send. One guy even covered his face before snapping the shot in a mirror.

OTOH, after a year or two she did meet a guy who’s a keeper.

25

I was on Lavalife for about three years. I had maybe a dozen dates and nothing clicked, so I eventually ended the membership.

26

They are offering an “online marriage counseling alternative” through that tab, not chiding you for looking for another partner online.

27

YMMV - I’ve been looking for years for a woman like Kathleen Byron in Black Narcissus

28

She stayed for a year with a program that sent her pictures of penises? She is commendable for her fortitude.

29

OP, what do you mean by “scary looking”? Do they have swastikas tattooed on them? Do they have hair that’s in matted, greasy chunks and a glare of hate? If they’re just a bit overweight or have a slightly asymmetrical face, maybe your standards are a bit high.

As for whether you’ll meet a psycho on a dating site or not, there’s always a chance that someone could be off-kilter, but it’s no different in real life, really. Use discretion, meet in a public place, go with your gut feelings and don’t reveal too much personal information at first. I met a couple guys off of Lavalife about a year or so back. Both were really nice, not crazy, and fun, but we just didn’t click on a relationship level. I still talk to them as a friend once in awhile. You never know the good people you could be missing if you don’t try.

30

I have heard that eHarmony does this for anyone who admits to being an atheist.

31

I’m not especially picky. Call it intuition. Of course, I could be wrong, but better safe than sorry. It’s not like I have to contact them. I’m sure a lot of people would find me scary.

Double standard? Yep, I’ll admit it. If I am subjected to the same treatment, I’ll accept it without question.

32

Okay, I know that sounds bad.

33

Recently Divorced Guy who wants a woman chimes in:

My problem with Match is the men. If you are a guy and you are trying to correspond with an attractive (or even close to attractive) and intelligent woman, she is probably buried under so much e-mail that:

  1. she can’t get back to you
  2. she has a new-found over-sized ego
  3. she turns off her profile to catch up or clear the bittersweet taste in her mouth (of bade dates).

So, why do men ruin it? Because there are these bozos who wink and e-mail anything with a pulse, and they don’t take the “Match” part seriously. Women then get all excited by their popularity, just days after looking like three-day old laundry at the supermarket. Then these women go on all these dates and conclude men are bigger idiots that they once thought. Then the women think, “well, I looked pretty hot a few days ago, so why didn’t men hit on me?” Why? Because men are p–ssies; that’s why.

Men are idiots. As a man of character, you are screwed because there isn’t a flag in the women’s mailboxes that says, “Alert: this guy actually put though into the match part of this”.

I’ve met women through Match who contacted me. I don’t contact women through their ads…I wait for them to contact me. The only honest part of Match is when a woman contacts you and puts thought into it. All other components are useless.

I am very lucky, in that I am fit and attractive (like everybody else on Match!!). I get some e-mails and I correspond and have had more than a few good dates. Something was ‘missing’ from each one, though.

In most cases, I’ve met women who intimidated me a bit, because each one had a very good career and, although my confidence is usually overspilling, my background has not afforded my the luxury of dating veterinarians, surgeons, and lawyers. These women intimidated me a bit, and I thought about long-term issues with someone who had such demanding careers on top of my demanding career. I think this is just the adult dating dilemma for me: People have their habits, careers, life, etc…and how do you squeeze into that???

34

In the past, I’ve had good luck with online dating. I met my second husband on Yahoo!Personals. Psychos are everywhere and learning to spot them/avoid them/embrace them is a part of dating, online or IRL.

35

Met my SO on OKCupid and I wasn’t even looking for a relationship so I think I can recommend that one.

Still getting “match” emails from match.com and cupid.com even though I’ve deactivated my profiles months ago. One keeps cycling through the same 30 or so in my neighborhood and the other always give me new faces, just progressively further away. I think it’s up to about 250 miles right now.

But from what I’m hearing about eHarmony I may just have to go try to fill out an app just for chuckles and grins.

ETA: The OP. One of us wound up with a psycho, just not going to say who… :stuck_out_tongue:

36

I feel the same way.

One of the problems is that you always miss putting something in the profile or putting too much. I think some people only scan looking for specific things and take things out context or misinterpret.

If you say you don’t want children, then you are probably an unfeeling monster.

37

There are (or used to be) buttons you could select as to how important each item was to you, so that if you specified that your match should be atheist, but clicked the “not very important” button, and she did the same for desiring her match to be Southern Baptist, you could wind up getting a match.

38

A simple “I don’t want children” : nothing wrong with that.

A screenful of screeds about how much you hate children and want to squeeze their little heads till their eyes pop out: problematic.

I was once sent a message on OKCupid by a wacky guy whose whole schtick was apparently his childfree state. He was scary.

39

Here’s the set up: So, Eric Halfabee, what do you want in a woman? :smiley:

40

:smack:

You can tell I’m off my game if I let something like that get by me.