How does the chipmunk spell the word “potato”?
How will the chipmunk and stick hold up during traditional campaign chores such as baby-kissing and hand-shaking? What would the implications be if the stick were to snap during a particularly arduous whistle-stop? Have either the chipmunk or the stick ever been involved in shady real estate dealings?
Would this Chipmonk require “Interns”
Isn’t the chipmunk STILL a better choice than Gore or Bush?
Is it a wooden stick, or a plastic stick?
And what is the chipmunk’s position on the stick?
Would it be more accurately described as a stick or a stake?
Enquiring minds want to know.
How exactly did the chipmunk die? Could it’s cause of death contribute to the spread of any diseases during said baby-kissing & hand-shaking?
Some important questions that the media will swoop on:
Is the chipmunk in fact dead, or merely hibernating?
Is the chipmunk reticulated?
Did the chipmunk serve in the armed forces during the Vietnam War?
Does the presence of a stick in the chipmunk indicate that the chipmunk’s campaign is receiving soft money from the forest industry?
Is the chipmunk in favour of legal recognition of gay marriage?
Why doesn’t the chipmunk blink (like Steve Forbes)?
What is the chipmunk’s position on Richard Gere?
The chipmunk cannot spell potato. The chipmunk cannot blink. The chipmunk cannot reticulate. The chipmunk cannot kiss babies. The chipmunk cannot shake hands. The chipmunk cannot inhale. The chipmunk cannot exhale. The chipmunk cannot make speeches. The chipmunk cannot deal in real estate. The chipmunk cannot go to war. The chipmunk cannot get married. Not even Hawaii allows dead-chipmunk marriages… yet.
The chipmunk definately cannot have sex.
Repeat after me: This, is a DEAD chipmunk.
And therefor he won’t be doing much of anything.
He’s rung down the curtain. He’s joined the Choir Invisible. Bereft of life he lies there. This chipmunk is deceased. This chipmunk is no more. This is an EX-CHIPMUNK!!!
Oh yeah, the stick is made of wood and the chipmunk hates Richard Gere with a passion not usually found in a heart that has long since stopped beating.
Is this dead chipmunk indeed qualified to run for president? I mean, people, we have to play by the rules! I believe the dead chipmunk has to be at least 35 years old and a U.S. citizen.
Hmmm, I’m not sure whether or not he’s a citizen, but he has been in a freezer for over fifty years.
I believe that would be sideways.
But can it deafeat Bush?
Does Bush Know where the chipmunk hails from?
Does he know What chipmunks Are?
Aha! Then the chipmunk is Ronald reagan!
Why does Aha need to know this first ( and so excitedly, I might add?) is Aha with the CIA?
surely, even you know that I meant aha used to be one of the secret service agents that watched president Reagan, who used to love chipmunk flavored jelly beans.
I would like to volunteer my services as Spin Doctor to the “Send DC to D.C.” campaign. Some examples of my work:
Q. Where does DC stand on <insert issue of choice>?
A. Dead Chipmonk does not stand anywhere, on anything. He is impaled firmly on a stick and does not waver except in the strongest of breezes.
Q. Does DC support gun control?
A. Not anymore.
Q. Has DC ever used any illegal drugs?
A. During his “alive phase” Dead Chipmonk served as an intern to a major political figure and did indeed chew on a marijuana plant. Like all good interns, he did not swallow.
Q. What are DC’s views on foreign policy?
A. Dead Chipmonk views foreign policy - and domestic policy - through motionless, glassy eyes which are unresponsive to light.
Do I get the job?
DJ, you most certainly can be DC’s SD.
In your professional opinion, do you think it would help his campaign if we stopped calling him “dead chipmunk” and started calling him “Chippy”?
[doing Helen Thomas imitation]
"Oh, dead chipmunk—dead chipmunk!
What are your views on:
• abortion rights?
• gay marriage?
• prayer in schools?
• opening trade with China?
We’re waiting, Mr. C."
We call our candidate “Chippy” the day Dubya goes by “Boy George”. Let’s not lose this election by being cute.
Dead Chipmonk says all life is overrated.
So long as the vows specifically denounce the use of rodents as marital aids, Dead Chipmonk couldn’t care less.
Dead Chipmonk is always in an advanced meditative state himself and believes that al students should be afforded the same privilege. How one choses to become comatose is an individual decision and the government should not be involved.
Dead Chipmonk’s personal stick was made in China and it has served him well. Dead Chipmonk also sees China as a virgin market for his new clothing line. Remember “Mink is for snobs, but Dead Chipmonk is for every one!” (registered service mark of Dead Chipmonk Enterprises)
Thank you for your questions, but Dead Chipmonk has numerous personal appearances and photo ops to attend.
Doctor Jackson stated:
You know…you can say what you like about sweatshops, but those kids do nice work!
Why does Aha need to know this first ( and so excitedly, I might add?) is Aha with the CIA?
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Don’t tell me who the chipmonk is… I am with the CID. Nobody tells the CID anything ok? Unless your with the CIA or FBI. Then refer to the CIO or AFL. (Why do I suddenly feel like Flagg on mash?)
Ok look the damn thing is on a stick. What would normally be taking a dirt nap is instead a corpse on a branch. You could say that the thing has no more intelligence than that pelt-like thing on Burt Reynolds head. So it simple would you vote for it or not? Personally I would.