I’d vote for it too. But mainly just to piss off Bush.
Things are looking good on the campaign front. The straw polls indicate Dead Chipmonk is the unanimous choice of people posting to this thread. We could use more exposure, though. To that end, here are Dead Chipmonk’s answers to some other questions posed in this thread:
Q. How was this chipmunk killed? Style counts for a lot in presidential campaigns.
A. Agreed. Style has always been important to Dead Chipmonk and his death only adds to this image. Rear Admiral Chipmonk died valiantly protecting this great country from the creeping threat of Pokemon and Beanie Babies. The details, as I’m sure you’ll understand, are classified. Suffice to say Dead Chipmonk now has more stripes than the prettiest slave at a B&D convention.
Q. Is this chipmonk on a stick democrat or republican?
A. As major contributor ChiefScott said, Dead Chipmonk represents the Road Kill Party. We intend to mount a grass roots campaign (chipmonks simply adore grass roots) that will simultaneously sweep this great country off it’s feet and unite us under on banner - or stick, as it were.
Q. You say a dead chipmunk on a stick. But just how is that chipmunk attached to the stick??
A. Firmly.
Q. Has it picked Dan Quayle as Vice President?
A. Dead Chipmonk is not an “it”. Besides, that question is just silly.
Q. Does the chipmunk have a wife that has political aspirations of her own?
A. No. As a matter of fact, Dead Chipmonk has been quite busy formulating ideas for decorating the White Bachelor Pad.
Q. Does the chipmunk like cigars?
A. While Dead Chipmonks front teeth make excellent cigar snippers, they unfortunately make smoking very difficult.
Q. Has the chipmunk ever inhaled?
A. Inhale a cigar? Madame, are you mad?
Q. But can it deafeat (sic) Bush?
A. PLEASE PEOPLE! Dead Chipmonk is NOT an “IT”! To answer: Dubya is running scared, like a squirrel on the interstate. If he’s looking over his shoulder at us, he’s looking the wrong way.
I hope this has clarified our platform somewhat. If there are any other issues Dead Chipmonk can address, please let him know via Freak Freely, ChiefScott, or myself at this address. Thank you.
In order to win this campaign, the internet must be used more effectively. Anybody have space for a website?
Supposing, just supposing Dead Chipmunk were to actually be elected President, what musician/musical group would supply his politically meaningful campaign/inaugural theme song? Will he choose the folksy wisdom of the 70s or the upwardly mobile electronically-enhanced sounds of the 80s? Perhaps something different? A janitorial advisor spraying Dead Chipmunk with Lysol and occaisionally whistling maybe?
struuter
According the Webster’s, it is “chipmunk.” How does Dead Chipmunk on a Stick justify the changing of his name spelling to “chipmonk?” Is he trying to hide something? Is his real name, perhaps, “Chipmunski,” or “O’Chipmunk?”
Webster’s also notes that the chipmunk belongs the the squirrel family, and may be either American . . . or ASIAN! What effect does this have on his stance on trade with China?
please post a photo of said Chipmunk.
Dubya Bush:
“I knew Chip & Dale; I worked with Chip & Dale: you, Sir, are no Chip or Dale!”
Any further questions can be asked in the “Ask The Dead Chipmunk” thread.
Thank you.
And remember, Vote Dead Chipmunk For President!
Q. Supposing, just supposing Dead Chipmunk were to actually be elected President, what musician/musical group would supply his politically meaningful campaign/inaugural theme song?
A. 1) Eve notwithstanding, the name is Dead Chipmonk. See below.
2) Please open these type questions with “When Dead Chipmonk is President.”
3) Our theme song will be “Danny Boy”.
Q. According the Webster’s, it is “chipmunk.” How does Dead Chipmunk on a Stick justify the changing of his name spelling to “chipmonk?” Is he trying to hide something? Is his real name, perhaps, “Chipmunski,” or “O’Chipmunk?”
A. Now, you’d think that even the press would give Dead Chipmonk credit for knowing his own name. I quote from Mr. Webster’s Online Gateway (bolding mine):
"Chipmunk \Chip"munk`, n. [Indian name.] (Zo["o]l.) A squirrel-like animal of the genus {Tamias}, sometimes called the {striped squirrel}, {chipping squirrel}, {ground squirrel}, {hackee}. The common species of the United States is the {Tamias striatus}. Written also chipmonk, chipmuck, and chipmuk.
Thus, our official response is “Nyah, Nyah, Nyah!”.
Q. Webster’s also notes that the chipmunk belongs the the squirrel family, and may be either American . . . or ASIAN! What effect does this have on his stance on trade with China?
A. I can assure you that Dead Chipmonk is a Tamias Striatus of United States origin. The fact that he has asian relatives is unimportant until after the election.
I’m sorry Doctor Jackson, but I just talked to Dead Chipmunk and he has expressly requested that we go with Chipmunk. Apparently he had a rather traumatizing experience with a monk when he was young.
I’d be happy to set up a page on my site. Got a picture we could use?
I’m at work now. I’ll see if I can come up with one when I get home.
SACRAMENTO - California Governor Gray Davis,
in a televised address to the State Assembly
Tuesday, urged voters to reject Roadkill Par-
ty candidate Dead Chipmonk on a Stick.
Citing Chipmonk’s record as Mayor of Fresno,
CA, Davis noted numerous political scandals
which plagued the deceased rodent during his
term. The Governor also asked voters to re-
member the Roadkill party’s sparse platform.
“Dead Chipmonk has no plan for new schools,”
said Davis. “He has no budget and no real
concept of foreign policy.”
Former Vice President Dan Quayle also spoke
out against the Chipmonk campaign today.
Addressing the League of Women Voters in Butte,
WY, Quayle pointed out the possible repercus-
sions of electing Dead Chipmonk.
“Chipmonks are notoriously dangerous animals,”
Quayle stated. “I can remember seeing films
of the creatures tormenting poor Donald Duck
when I was a child. They are dangerous. I
am still traumatized by that fact. In fact,
that fact has brought me here, to speak with
you, the good people of Butt. About Chipmonks,
which are not as good a president as I was
and will always not be.”
“Is there a better place for Dead Chipmonk
than the White House?” asked Quayle. “I hope
not.”
Just for the record, we’d like to state that we do not agree with anything Dan Quayle does or does not say.
Dan Quayle is a pany-assed shmuck.
Thank You.
Now sir, you are insulting the intelligence of all shmucks!
Am not! I’m insulting the intelligence of pansy-assed shmucks.
Does this mean that DC has part ownership in native american casino operations? Or is the owner of a chain of Quickee Marts across the country? Where is DC getting his money from?
Also, in regards to DC being over 35 and planning to make the White House into a bachelor pad. Would the motif include alot of Barbara Streisand Music, the entire video collection of Stars On Ice with women who resemble Linda Tripp ( who resembles John Goodman in drag) hanging around as “cover” ?
To conclude, what is DC’s sexual orientation?
This thread is boring me and just taking up space.
If no one emails me to keep it going, it’s toast!
Shut up troll, you aren’t fooling anyone. Don’t take my thread down with you. Ya mook.
Hmmmm. Hecklers. Coincidence or not? Possible diversion from the sexual orientation question.
“Excuse me. Chip! Who did you take with you to your Senior Prom?”