Dead People That Could Still Kick Your Ass

MonkeyMule was claiming that he could kick Bruce Lee’s ass right now. I told him that Bruce Lee’s corpse would beat him like it was his momma. MM finally agreed that Lee’s corpse (or ashes) could stomp him like nobody’s business. Personally, I’ve no doubt that Lee’s corpse could clobber me.

So, if the dead rise from the grave to kick ass, who are you gonna be running away from?

Uh. All of them.

Almost anyone could kick my ass. Especially if they were zombies.

“Can’t sleep. Living dead people will eat me.”

There’s not much else to say to this one.

Andrew Jackson and Abe Lincoln could probably “deliver a serious whoopin’,” as the young people say these days. Especially Lincoln, considering how well embalmed he was. (On the other hand, Lincoln’s already been shot in the brain, which might prevent his rising as a zombie. But if he did manage to rise, it’d just be that much harder to figure out a way to re-kill him.)

I smell (sorry!) a Zombie Lincoln dream tonight.

But can zombies really kick anyone’s ass. I mean yeah, they can eat you, but you rarely see them fight. They don’t have the reflexes or intellegence, all they want is food. But I doubt zombies would fight fair.

Um, I’m not a fast runner. I think being caught and eaten by a zombie is roughly equivalent to an ass-kicking. Really, I’d probably try to run and trip and fall down trying to get away.

I’d be afraid of Sweet Zombie Jesus.

Very afraid.

Johnny Cash, declared by Bono to be “the toughest man in Christendom since John the Baptist”