Jesus Battles Zombies from Reuters and Forbes
I’d pay good money to see the Jesus Battles Zombies movie.
Hmm … if Jesus can raise people from the dead and Zombies are living dead and so already raised in a manner of speaking, would his powers cure them of the deadness so they would be truly living or would they just be dead dead?
um… didn’t Jesus himself come back from the grave?
And didn’t the townsfolk cower in fear of the messiah that shambled, unstobbable through the town, eating brains and healing the sick? It was only when John-boy and Mary Mack and Ol’ Jed Judas found that chainsaw in the back of Mr Herod’s pick-up truck that they were able to end the horror! THE HORROR!!! (Well, that’s what happened in MY Bible!)
‘It is dead, yet it walks,
only it’s hunger for brains drives it forwards…
BEWARE THE HORROR THAT SAVES!!! (!)’
And wasn’t there an indie movie recently (seriously this time) called something like ‘Jesus Christ, Zombie Fighter’? I’m sure there was a link before the makeover of the boards
Undead Gene-eaux!
ah yes, thanks BabaBooey, I should read links before posting.
How about this movie. No zombies(except for Corbin Bernsen), but the christ-like Mr. T. Did Mr. T die for our sins?
Well… Mr T didn’t die, but he did get cancer a few years back, but he’s so tough he got better!
(although, if he did die, I say he died for ALL our sins! Regardless of religious denomination! And we could pray and end it by saying, ‘Amen to that, sucka!’
heh heh, ‘I pity d’fool who I didn’t die for!’
But wouldn’t a Mr T Zombie be a truly frightening prospect?
If Mr. T turned “Howling Mad” Murdock into a zombie, would anyone be able to tell the difference?
“I brought you back in to this world and now I’m gonna take you out sucka!”
“This is my body which is given unto you. Eat it! I dare you!”
“Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone. Unfortunetly for you, I’m sinless and I’ve got a whole lota rocks!”
“The kingdom of God is within you, and thats why I’m gonna tear a big hole in your chest to get it!"
“Jesus battles zombies”… sounds like a South Park episode!
Yep, but he tried the trick out first on a guy named Lazarus before he did it onto himself.
So maybe Jesus was the first Zombie Master?
I had a conversation about this just last night with one of my sons. We argued about whether Jesus is technically a zombie or not.
Googling ensued. “Zombie Jesus” turned up several interesting things. Apparently “Sweet Zombie Jesus” is a common expression and the name of a punk band.
My fave is this page.
Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?
And he practised on a little girl(the daughter of Jairus) even before that!
Best quote from ftg’s link: Disadvantage: It takes quite a lot of semen to fill a super soaker.
I always figured Jesus to be more of a vampire, anyway. He gave his blood for you and now he WANTS IT BACK.
[QUOTE=I always figured Jesus to be more of a vampire, anyway.[/QUOTE]
Which also explains why the Romans insisted on using that wooden thingy to kill him in the first place, they just got the order wrong (yeah, yeah, I know there’s other details, but y’know, the ESSENCE is there!). You’re s’posed use the wooden thingy AFTER the vampire has risen from the dead!
So… um… how would brandishing a cross affect a Vampire Jesus?
Sure, a cross would affect Vampire Jesus. Think- if you were nailed to a cross, would you ever want to see one again?
Close, but no cigar. “Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter”.
Apparently, Dawn of the Dead is set to steal the top box office spot from The Passion of the Christ. If it’s not one gory horror flick with guys rising from the dead, it’s another…
Gawd, there was this flash-based game…the name escapes me. DBlack-and-white southparkish look and ridiculously bloody.
In one of the challenges you stand around faced with some murderous zombies, and at some point Jesus comes riding in on a cloud and starts shooting at you from a machine gun.
like: WHAAAAAT???
Just… remembered this, when reading this topic. :B
Jesus is a zombie. Period.
He died for your sins…then returned three days later to eat your brains!!!
Fortunately, if you freely give your brains to Jesus, you go directly to Heaven. BRAINLESS Heaven, but Heaven nonetheless.