Hi, all. Today, as I understand it, Christians celebrate the day that Jesus returned to Earth as a ravenous zombie. This is a well-settled point of church doctrine, but important questions remain unanswered:
1.) Was Zombie Jesus a fast zombie (as in “28 Days Later” and the “Dawn of the Dead” remake) or a slow zombie (as in “Night of the Living Dead”)?
2.) Did Zombie Jesus eat only brains (as in “Return of the Living Dead”) or entire bodies (as in “Dawn of the Dead”, both versions)? Did he refrain from eating at all, and merely maul or infect his victims (as in “28 Days Later”)?
3.) How smart was Zombie Jesus? Was he entirely mindless, as most zombies have traditionally been, or could he employ complex reasoning and tool use skills? (See, eg, Bub from “Land of the Dead”).
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Pissing all over the holiest day in the Christian calendar, on that very day, just because you can–that’ll teach 'em. And the zombie angle? Pure posting magic. Damn! It’s such cleverness that keeps me coming back to this board. :rolleyes:
I’m all for people expressing their religious or anti-relgious views. It seems to me, however, that this thread pretty much crosses the “Don’t be a jerk” rule.
The apostles said he spoke to them. If that’s true, I’d say the answer to number 3 is that zombie Jesus was capable of complex reasoning. “Blessed are those who believe without seeing” is a bit more intellectual than “braiiiiiiins”.
As I think you realize, nobody’s objecting to anyone making a joke per se. Making a joke doesn’t preclude being a jerk, though.
I suspect that if someone were to start a thread that ridiculed American Atheists and blatantly misrepresented their views or literature, people wouldn’t let him off the hook so easily – even if he were to say “Hey, folks! It was just a joke! Don’t take this so seriously.”
I regret that so many of the posters in this thread think this joke violates the “don’t be a jerk” rule, but I do not agree that it does. If I’d started a thread suggesting that “Easter is Nonsense”, that might count - but this zombie thread is so far over-the-top that it can’t be taken as a serious statement regarding the value of Easter. If someone else had posted that “Atheists Eat Brains”, I certainly wouldn’t take that as an insult to myself or my beliefs. This thread was meant as a good-natured joke about the only other widely known way people can return from the dead - as zombies. And it was posted today because it was topical, just as we get parody songs about Santa Claus around Christmas time.
Well, they did make sure to stab him in the heart before sunset, didn’t they?
That, and other specific elements of the story (the ritual blood-drinking, the loudly shouting at his god for abandoning him at his time of need, etc.) leads me to a frightening possibility…Jesus was not only a vampire, but the first vampire. The vampire king!
(P.S…shall I start passing out sand and fruit roll-ups? )
But it’s not serious ridiculing. I mean, I get how it could be; “What, so Jesus is like, some kind of zombie then? cue mean laughter”, but this didn’t appear mean-spirited.
As a sort of counterpoint, plenty of times atheists themselves have brought up jokingly the idea that we’re all heathenous scum on these boards. Likewise jokes about the complimentary toasters we gay/bi types get for “turning” straights, and our indepth recruitment drives of various nations’ young, are pretty common. Certainly those things, if meant as serious critiques or coming from a mean-spirited place, would be unpleasant and offensive. But I don’t think **Mr. Excellent ** actually thinks Christians believe in a Zombie Lord, nor do I think he’s deliberately trying to be a jerk and provoke. 'tis but a joke.
And it was posted today because it was topical, just as we get parody songs about Santa Claus around Christmas time.
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