People who write in to advice columnists like Dear Annie and who actually take advice from a perfect stranger deserve a pitting as well! I mean, come on, how much can this person really know about a situation from a few lines on a letter (unless the problems are made up, which a lot of them are).
I think it’s a bit harsh to call her a “frigid bitch.” Sure, it was nasty of her to tear up her husband’s srip and to call him names. However, it was pretty insensitive of him to go and get viagra without even discussing it with her.
Maybe she is a frigid bitch. Or maybe he has been a lousy lover for years as others have suggested. Or maybe she’s getting older and sex is uncomfortable for her. Or maybe she’s depressed (not uncommon in the elderly). Or maybe she thinks nice old people just don’t do those things. Or maybe he came home one day and told her she better start doing her duty again. Or maybe she has problems with low libido for medical reasons. Or maybe a hundred different things. There’s no way to tell from one letter.
I think the advice columnists dropped the ball when they failed to tell him that he and his wife need to address some things before they can have a mutually satisfying sex life. I don’t think it’s unreasonalbe for him to want to have sex with his wife. However, neither is it unreasonable for her to have some problems with him suddenly showing up with a viagra scrip.
Diognenes, I did interpret your earlier posts as being against older people wanting a sex life. I apologize for getting that impression.
This I just don’t understand at all. I mean, if it is no problem for you, fine, don’t go. But I had no clue who was in the church for my wedding, other than members of the wedding party. Certainly, I would consider myself a pretty crappy host if I were to pressurize my guests to put themself in a position where they felt uncomfortable just to satisfy the exact way in which I felt the event should be celebrated.
While a baptism is a closer call (as in it is poerfectly possible to approve of the marriage and wish to celebrate it without wishing to condone the religious aspects), I still think that if someone were to wish to come to the party afterwards, celebrate the birth of my (un-baptized) child, and send me congratulations then, I again would be a pretty sucky host to call them out on it.
This of course should have read “If it is no problem for you, fine, go”
I was going to reply to your post biddee but then I realized it was only a couple of lines and we are complete strangers.
Well, I said “making love,” not just having sex. There’s a big range of physical intimacies that don’t necessarily include penetration or orgasm for either party.
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No. We know (1) he got a scrip for Viagra (2) it was a surprise to his wife, and (3) he “assumed she felt the same,” i.e., he apparently did not even feel the matter was worth discussing with her, but merely assumed. I sense a pattern here. Of course I could be wrong.
Okay, let’s try to envision a woman who’s been married for 45 years getting a scrip for b.c. pills. No, I think we might agree that name-calling would be inappropriate, but if names were called, nuts and deluded would quickly come to mind. Now of course there might be some medical reason for a woman who would have to be at least 60 to get b.c. pills, but it sure wouldn’t be for the purpose of birth control. See how the age issue changes everything?
QtM-you are speaking of people involved in relationships (of any sort), I presume.
Well, I would agree, but (at the risk of being picky)–a lack of desire may not be an area of concern to an individual, therefore, it may not need to be addressed via any healthcare avenue. I’m trying to say that loss of desire etc is not considered an illness by many–unless it impacts on the individual and that person wants a change. IOW, it may be broken, but it doesn’t have to be fixed kind of thing. Some folks, for whatever reason, do not have strong sex drives and that is not abnormal. I would hate for some older people to be told that since they are not engaging in XYZ, that they are henceforth abnormal and must do ABC to fit in with established norms…
Obviously, this couple has some communication problems, on top of some other undisclosed sexual/relational issues. It is quite the conundrum–what to do if one partner still desires physical intimacy and one doesn’t. Should she have ripped it up etc? No. But he is also at fault–he needs to engage her in a discussion, if he wants that Viagra to do any good.
Jeebus-please don’t let this be me and my husband in 20+ years…
Man. You gotta wonder what that woman must be like. Is it just sex? Or does she fly into indignant rages if he brings home a bottle of wine or decides to rent a movie?
It’s indefensible. A note to Diogenes - old people have sex. A lot of them still enjoy it. My mother once told me that my grandmother and grandfather were having sex regularly up until he died. I swore eternal celibacy upon learning that, but I don’t understand why in the world you think that old folks shouldn’t have sex, or that people with medical problems shouldn’t have sex, or whatever your problem is.
Certainly no one should be forced to have sex in order to please their spouse - and if the woman is really set against it, that’s fine. Go with Dan Savage’s advice, and find (or purchase) sex elsewhere. You don’t get someone’s genitals when you marry them, so if one spouse makes the decision that the sex is over, the other spouse has every right to find it elsewhere. You get to decide whether you have sex, but if you won’t do it with your partner, suck it up when they go elsewhere. I hope this guy comes to his senses and finds someone who’ll fulfill this need.
Sex is a pretty basic part of being human, and most people do it if they’re married. Had the woman demonstrated some willingness to get counseling and try to see eye-to-eye on the issue, it would have been different. But the story, at least as it was told, makes her sound like a vicious old bitch who’s not interested in anyone’s feelings but her own. Being an old woman doesn’t make that acceptable.
Sounds like perfectly innocent flirting to me. I don’t see the harm. 
Honestly, I’m pretty solidly atheistic, and I enjoy weddings and such events. In fact, I think weddings - even in churches! - are a good deal more enjoyable than receptions, which for me have far too often involved bad catering and the chicken dance. I have yet to burst into flames upon entering a church, nor have any nuns looked at me, become enraged, and try to attack me. Well, one did, but I have to admit I provoked it.
The larger issue is that these bland middle-aged, middle-class, midwestern farmwives are simply terrible at giving advice. Ann Landers was a classy lady with something to say and some attitude to go with it. These women, on the other hand - well, I can get advice from boring middle-aged women without writing to the newspaper, thank you.
Oh, jeez, now I find myself agreeing with catsix. I’m suddenly worried that the universe may be ending.
Backgammon springs to mind.