Oh, yeah - I tried to find out how much a single special sandwich was at McDonald’s (the only price they had listed was for the meal combo, which I didn’t want) - I thought the poor kid’s head was going to explode. I was very patient with him, as he seemed to have no idea that sandwiches could be sold alone, and not in combos. Even though it took about 5 minutes to get through, I managed it, and ignorance was fought that day.
Gee Legomancer, I don’t think I’d order anything to drink from Burger Whiz either.
Now, my customers NEVER confuse fake sugar with real sugar, but that’s because I live in Yuppieland and work at Yuppiebucks. If I so much as looked like I thought about giving 'em an equal instead of a sweet’n’low they’d start frothing at the mouth. BUT … there is some confusion over the word “regular”.
Customer: Regular coffee please.
Corporate Whore (me): What size would you like?
Customer: Regular!
CW: Small, medium, or large?
Customer: Regular!!
CW (giving up and guessing, grabs a cup)
Customer: No, the smaller one!
CW: Oh, I’m sorry. (pours coffee)
Customer: That’s decaf, right?
The problem is that there are places where Regular is a cup size. Even in these places, Regular can mean medium, small, or what-used-to-be-medium-before-we-ditched-our-small, or even anything that’s not “Super Extra Huge Blammo Gulp”. At my coffee store, however, regular isn’t a size. Never mind what the sizes actually are, I don’t expect people to memorize the fake Italian crap. Regular, to us, means “plain coffee, not decaf, nothing special added or anything.” If I give a choice between small, medium, and large … why does the duhstomer repeat “regular” like it’s poo he just learned how to throw?
(on a side note, when I say Coke, I mean “whatever cola-type product you are selling.” Likewise when I say Pepsi. But I do know people who use Coke to include all carbonated soft drinks.)
I don’t see how refusing to use your brain is being “helpful”.
I’m going to side with the OP because I also tend to say what I mean and mean what I say. Case in point, 2 1/2 years ago:
Car dealer: Let me tell you about my financing plans.
Me: I’m paying cash
Car dealer: Can I ask what rate your bank is giving you.
Me: Which part of cash don’t you understand (or something equally sarcastic)
This was the third dealer I had visited, as the first two had violated my no haggle terms that I stated up front. I very no-nonsense about this kind of stuff; I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I let him know that if I had already obtained financing, I would have said so specifically. I can appreciate that there is a certain, too large population of brain-cell deficient people walking the streets, but I refuse to dumb myself down nor do I appreciate being treated as such.
Perhaps if we weren’t always obliged to cater to the lowest common denominator, the LCD would begin to rise to the higher level. I can dream, can’t I?
Personally, I have a great deal of fun with cashiers, from fast-food joints to supermarkets to movie theaters.
The most common is whipping out the checkbook and asking “do you take four-party post-dated out-of-state counter checks?”
Some people are actually on the ball enough to say something like “no, probably not” or better yet, “yeah, but you have to stay here 'til it clears.”
Others, you can just see the synapses shorting out and the little red ERROR message scroll across their prefrontal lobes.
Of course, there was the one time I was making a small purchase, pulled out my wallet, and asked the poor girl if she’d take a check, while I was handing her a $10 bill.
She stood there for a solid five seconds, staring at the bill in her hand as if she had not the least idea what to do with it.
The teen peons running the booth at movie theaters… some of my favorites. Years ago, some friends and I actually went and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… the first one, anyway. The place was crowded, long lines, and there were about five or six of us in my group, for whom I was paying for three. I got to the booth and told the kid, quite reasonably:
“Three for Justabunchafuckinfrogs, please.”
Or, when I catch the latest action-flick-du-jour, I’ll often step up and say “one for bloodgutsgunsgoredeathnviolence please.”
The ladies at convenience stores that say “Is this everything?”
I usually reply “No, I left quite a bit back on the racks” or “no, there’s plenty more left.”
Or, when I’m feeling surly, “What more do you want?”
Gas-station convenience stores: The cashier asks “you have gas, too?” Reply: “No, I try to stay away from the hot dogs.”
Fast Food: “What can I get you, sir?”
“Food, and lots of it.”
Occasionally: “Well, what kind then?”
“I have to be specific?”
Taco Bell a few years back- Upon reaching the counter, I’d simply say “I want whatever the little dog is hawking this week”.
And nine times out of ten, I’d get it without another word.
Cashiers that ask “And how are you doing today?”
“Mediocre to horseshit, but I think I’m getting better.”
Nah, I love clueless cashiers and counter people. 
And how, exactly, does people asking you perfectly intellgent questions related to the job they are supposed to be doing and you making inane replies mean THEY are clueless?
I’m all in favor of fucking with peoples minds, but you’re just doing it to people who can’t reply in kind because they don’t want to lose their jobs.
Fortunatly SDMB has a handy visual reprentation for what all those people were thinking:
:wally
Cute replies to the questions we’re forced to ask are nice the first couple of times-then they’re annoying. The place I manage is in a train station food court. Generally, “for here or to go?” means “are you sitting at a table, or getting on a train?” You wouldn’t believe how many people look at me like I have 3 heads when I ask that…“where’s ‘for here’? at the counter?” Yes…you have to stand and eat at the cash register. Stupid idiots…
Right now we’re running a special, 2 slices of cheese pizza and a medium drink for $4.99. At least half of the customers get to the register, scenario as follows:
Cashier: Can I get you a drink today Sir?
Customer: I’m getting the special, the 2 slices…
Cashier: Right. What kind of drink?
Customer: The sign says a medium drink
Cashier: Right. We have pepsi, diet, dr pepper, sierra mist, and mountain dew
Customer: Can I get a root beer?
Cashier: We dont have root beer. We have the sodas I just listed
Customer: What were they again?
Cashier: ::repeats list::
Customer: Can I get a bottle of water then?
Cashier: That’s $5.86
Customer: The sign says $4.99!
Cashier: That’s for the slices and a soda. Bottled beverages are extra
Customer: Nevermind. Cancel my order
You just cant win…
spooje, I though for sure you were going to end your story with the security guard saying “but I brought this becuase you’re not supposed to have sugar!”
[another hijack]
I’ve actually had people bring me baked goods with the declaration that it’s sugar-free. After all, they made it with honey.
[/another hijack]
I think the cashier only meant well when they asked if you wanted large for .25 cents more. whenever I see a customer might get a better deal, I let them know.
and the suggesting things to order like pop corn or nachos was probably just because managers tell cashiers to suggest things to people. personaly I HATE doing that. because exactly what you said, if you had wanted pop corn, you would have asked for it.
as far as the sugar thing goes, they should have been listening.
When I have to ask customers if they want the extended warranty-I hate it. Afterwards, if they get upset, I always add, “I"m sorry, we have to ask. I don’t like to.” Or something like that.
Or when they try to make us solicit for donations to the March of Dimes or whatever. After awhile, I just flat out refused to do it. They said I’d get written up. I told them I was fine with that.
Heh.
Nah, you’re just an asshole.
Oh wow. You’re so clever! I’m sure none of the cashiers has ever heard those oh-so-original jokes before! Boy, you really are putting one over on them, aren’t you? :rolleyes:
You’re a fucking idiot. They’re just trying to do their jobs, and you’re just making things harder on them. Furthermore, trying to confuse them about payments is really really shitty. They are responsible for their cash drawers, and if they make a mistake, they may get in hot water.
Just because someone is a “teen peon” does not mean that they deserve your abuse.
The wife and I went to the theater tonight. For the third time in as many months, the ticket seller assumed that my 20 year old wife was young enough to qualify for a child’s ticket. I corrected her, but was told to go ahead a use the ticket, as it was her mistake. I thanked her and left. When we went to go into the theater, a security guard was checking the tickets of teenagers, I presume to prevent teens too young from theater hopping. He checked my wife’s ticket. He asks me if she’s my daughter. I say, “She’s my wife.” He gives me a strange look and lets us pass. I can only imagine what he’s thinking about the middle-aged dude married to the girl with a child’s (12 and under) ticket.
Anyway, at the snack bar:
Me: I’d like a medium Coke, please.
Her: Will that be all?
Me: That’s all.
She makes the drink. I pay and leave. The entire transaction takes less than a minute, and less than half the time in the OP. This is how getting a drink at the theater should be.
Sauron: I’ve been told I look a little like Vincent Donofrio. Your comment gave me a good laugh. Thanks.
Doc Nickel: I hope you don’t think you were supporting my OP. When I go to a fast food place or snack bar, I want quick, efficient service. I dislike having to repeat my order, in part because it slows down the system. People like you slow things down and in general muck up the system more than anything else. When I witness someone behaving in the manner you describe, my sympathy is with the salesperson. Making someone’s job more difficult for your own amusement is immature.
Same goes when it’s going server-to-customer, of course. If I have to hear my boss say ‘which side’ when someone orders something on the side, my head will explode. Kinda clever, if you’re the customer, and only hear it once in a while, but when you’re working with him and hear it five times a day… :rolleyes:
Anyway, back to the OP. I’d probably annoy the heck out of you. We don’t do suggestive selling, but I will confirm an order at least once when I take it, maybe twice. I just want to make sure I have it right. If I didn’t take your order, I’ll confirm I’m giving you the right one when I hand it over, because, with 4 people involved in the process (you, whoever took your order, the other cook, and me), there’s ample room for miscommunication, and I want to make sure you’re getting the right order. I apologise, but I assure you I don’t think you’re an idiot, nor should you assume I am…I’m just completely frazzled.
(Besides, I’ll probably still be rolling my eyes over ‘which side’ or his other favourite, comparing ordering a ‘hamburger with cheese’ instead of a cheeseburger to expecting a Caddilac for the price of a Chevy.)
OK, this turned into a rant about work when it wasn’t meant to be… I think I have issues…
Seems to me the problem all around is communication.
Our language, or perhaps culture, seems to be lacking a way to make “an exact and precise” order, while keeping the transaction polite.
Most of the time I know exactly what I want, but I admit, there are times that I need help, especially if I’m at a new restaurant where I’m unfamiliar with their products and services.
When speaking to the cashier I try to make it clear by using tone of voice. If start by saying “Hmm, what’ll I have? Let’s see.” as I peruse the menu, then that’s an invitation for the server to make suggestions. But if I’m sure of my order, there seems to be no way to communicate this without sounding rude or arrogant.
I propose that we agree now to select two words which will be used when making orders to indicate our assuredness.
If I use the word “exactly” it means: I know exactly what I want and I know how to precisely describe it in the English language, so please do your best to give me exactly what I’m asking for. Only ask questions if I’ve been ambiguous or you are unable to fill my order. Futhermore, I hereby agree that if you give me exactly what I ask for, and it turns out that I was wrong, I will humbly apologize for my error and not tear your head off.
If I use the word “maybe” it means: I’m not sure what you have available, or I’m not sure what I want, or I’m not sure how to describe it. Please help me to come to a decision.
Here’s how it would go:
Me: I’d like exactly a double cheeseburger with mustard and relish and a small Coca-Cola Classic, please.
Cashier: Yes sir. … Here you go.
Me: Thank you.
Me: Maybe I’d like a burger and a Coke.
Cashier: Classic burger or Ultra? Single or double? With cheese? Diet or regular? Small, medium or large? Would you like fries with that? …
My favorite is at the movie theatre.
(I’ll only do this when there are, like, 5 people watching the movie and the counter staff are bored, and they look like they could use some amusement.
Me: I’d like a large popcorn please.
Cashier: Would you like butter on that?
Me: (Mock surprise) :eek: Sure! Do you have butter?
Cashier: Of course.
Me: 
Hmm. That sign there says you have “Golden Topping”. You weren’t going to offer me butter and then give me Golden Topping instead, were you?
Cashier: 
The sign says that it “tastes like gold”. What does gold taste like? I thought gold was an inert metal which would have no taste. Did the guy who wrote that sign ever taste gold? …
(and hilarity ensues.)
Doc Nickel:
First of all, the other posters are correct: your behaviour is not funny, clever or original - it’s just rude.
Second of all, those “teen peons” aren’t as stupid as you think they are. They have memories like elephants for customers-from-hell, and if they’ve worked there for any length of time they’ve learned tricks for getting back at jerks like you without you even realising it, such as ringing up the person in the queue ahead of you verrrrrry slowwwwwly so at minimum you’ll be seriously inconvenienced, at best you’ll give up and go to another cashier or, better still, another store. They’ll be seriously disinclined to ever do you any sort of favours, and will alert their managers to the fact that you’re a “difficult” customer, so if you ever try to, for example, get a cash refund in violation of normal company policy, you’ll be less likely to get one.
And finally, if you’re pulling repeat performances of these stunts at food service places, I absolutely guarantee you that on at least one occasion you’ve ended up consuming an additional condiment you didn’t request, such as the contents of somebody’s nose, or a big green juicy loogie. And you deserve nothing less, IMHO.
You see, treating cashiers with respect is not simply good manners, it’s good sense.
Which tells me that your produce isn’t labled properly. I’m a pretty good cook and I’ll admit that I have a pretty hard time telling one variety of parsley from another (or especially Italian Flat-Leaf parsley from cilantro).
Or there’s times when Winter Squash is available and the produce dept will put it all in a single bin to make a pretty-colored display. Unfortunately, there’s 50-billion varieties of Winter Squash and the produce buyer was getting creative. Sure I can tell a spaghetti squash from an acorn, but what about this green and orange spotted one that looks like a turban squash on top and kind of mutates into a Delecta on the bottom?
'tain’t my fault!
Fenris
Unfortunately, a lot of counter workers are penalized for their customer’s mistakes. At the place that I worked at, any sort of void or refund counted against me and could get me in trouble. So if I had $100.00 worth of credits at the end of the day, my manager will assume that I gave my friends $100.00 worth of free stuff, not that a bunch of customers bought something and then decided seconds later that they didn’t want it. The ‘total’ button is the button of fate. Once I press it, any changes in the transaction count against me.
So I would make very very sure that what customers were buying was what they actually wanted. You’d be amazed at how many people don’t pay attention to what they buy. They will buy a copy of Silence of the Lambs and then get mad because it isn’t Hannibal. They will buy ten kinds of candy, and then after the transaction is done, the money is taken and the receipt is printed, they decide that they actually want ten different kinds o f candy. They will decide to add a bunch of other stuff after I’ve already rang everything up. They will decide they want to pay with cash after I’ve already processed their credit card. All of this gets me in trouble- so don’t blame me if I get a little pissy that I am going to have to pay for your indecision. And especially don’t blame me for doing everything in my power to keep my customers from avoiding common mistakes.
Be kind to the counter workers. They don’t know what they are doing because their training is absolutly minimal. I was trained for about twenty minutes before they threw me on to the register. The only thing that matters to their managers is that they end up with the right amount of moneu each day. Computers record every single thing that they do. No wonder they look scared and confused.
The bottom line is if you want your .59 hamburger, you are going to get .59 service. These people are untrained, overworked, and eager to get out of there as soon as possible. The employee turnover at these places are amazing. Most people last a month or two at most. As soon as they realize how much the job sucks, they leave. Managers fill these positions with anything that breathes and looks like it won’t steal too much from the registers. You get what you pay for.