Dear Radio Station Manager:

Would it kill you to actually announce the artist and title once in a blue moon?

Morning radio is tired. I’m sorry, it’s just not funny. And I’m no prude, but come on, people are taking their kids to school in the morning, and they might be sick of their Elmo’s Greatest Hits CD. Must they ride in silence because your morning DJs don’t know how to be funny without being obscene? And here is a novel concept: MUSIC in the mornings, instead of prank phone calls. Call me crazy.

If you’re going to hire people to talk about music, could they perhaps be informed? I don’t know jack about the music business yet I find myself astounded at what your DJs screw up or just guess at. If they don’t know, maybe they could talk less. Or talk about things like the song title, see my comment above.

Please, a moratorium on ads or programming with a siren sound effect. Maybe I have gullible ears, but I find it a little dangerous to start craning my head around and looking for a place to pull over for an emergency vehicle that isn’t even there. And honking sound effects, as fitting for your “drive time traffic report” as they might be, are also unnerving.

Guess what? Your “phrase that pays” doesn’t get you anywhere, because every station has one. It doesn’t stick in my head because they’re all clamoring for the same recognition.

Did you know that even a good song can get annoying when it is overplayed? Really, I’m not making this up!!

Here, some of my compatriots may have some suggestions to add. I’ll let them contribute…

And also please recall that this is morning. I’m not in the mood for any type loud noises. Just play the music.

And can the “hot” commercials. You know what I’m talking about.

And the impotence spots. I hate explaining things to the kids.

[unsolicited NPR plug] They can catch a nap during Morning Edition, at least. [/unsolicited NPR plug]

And get a different guy for the voice overs! Every city I go to has the same guy doing the voice overs for the local rock station.

[voice over guy] If it’s too loud, your too old. Listen and win at the home of Rock and Roll, W-blah-blah-blah, One oh blah dot blah [/voice over guy].

Oh yeah, and could you occasionally play music that doesn’t suck? You know, like mine (well, some of mine).