[right]Santa Claus[/right]
[right]North Pole[/right]
Dear Santa Claus,
For Christmas do you think you can bring me some snow from Ohio, and can you bring me a little elf [friend](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=286918)? I just want a friend for Christmas! Oh yah one more thing can you get me a new pair of roller blades (not Barbie)?
How about an unusually warm winter with 70 degree temperatures? And make my pansies bloom! I planted them so I wouldn’t have to look at dead stuff all winter long. Oh, and a video camera, a car, a husband who will obey my every command, a mansion with no address so the IRS can’t find me, a Leadbelly CD, 100 million dollars, and a copy of “The Right to be Greedy.” (Hey, at least I’m honest.)
But seriously, years ago when I worked at the newspaper clipping bureau I saw some kids’ letters to Santa in the Artesia paper. Most of them were asking Santa to help Mommy and Daddy get back together again or to get Daddy out of jail for Christmas.
Dear Santa, some mean people have told me you don’t really exist, i want to prove them wrong, in order to prove you exist, i want a REAL SR-71 Blackbird, the real thing, not a static display at a museum, not a toy, the REAL Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird
if i find the real SR-71 on my front lawn christmas morning, you will have proven your existence, if there is no SR-71 on my lawn, it will become clear to me you don’t really exist
Santa? Yeah…how about that last 20 lbs off by March? That’d be really nice.
That, and that other thing we talked about too…red? Yeah, that one…
What? Yes, I’ll sit on your lap for a picture…but that’s as far it goes you old perve.