OTT: I LOVE Folger’s coffee. I wish they would open little Folger’s Cafes to compete with Star - bucks (rhymes with yuck).
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I was laughing at the names you came up with both for sizes and the coffees themselves.
I do not, drink coffee, nor have I ever. I’ve been around enough of it, and have brewed enough of it, that I love the smell of a fresh-brewed pot, though.
I’ve never smelled a fresh-brewed pot from Starbucks that gave me my usual semi-hormonal response, however. It’s usually more like “Who the F burned the coffee?”
Thank you. It’s nice to be appreciated. 
Its easy to emulate the folgers experiance. Get a bag of columbian from a reputible roaster. grind it ahead of time so it will go stale faster, and then leave it in the cabinet for about 6 months before using it.
Then you, and them, are idiots (p.s. jokes are supposed to be funny). There are about 3 or 4 ingredients in the most complicated drinks at Starbucks, and everything on the message board is the simplified version with no modifiers at all.
Caramel Macchiato? It’s vanilla syrup, steamed milk, and espresso with a little caramel on top.
Mocha? It’s espresso and chocolate, with steamed milk and whipped cream
Coffee of the Day? It’s fucking coffee you retard
Or maybe you’re just playing dumb to bitch along with the crowd and argue for the sake of arguing. Either way, you’re being a douchebag.
Ok, heres where the rest of the coffee business in the world would like starbucks to STOP REDFINING STUFF.
A macchiato is an espresso shot with a just a bit of steamed milk marking the top of it. A caramel Macchiato would the same thing with a bit of caramel syrup mixed in. Its about two ounces worth of liquid.
Customers get really bewildered when they come into a real coffee shop and ask for a macchiato get one. (although most baristas find it amusing).
Sheetz actually has much better coffee than anyone has a right to expect from a truckstop.
Yeah, that is definitely a legitimate complaint. Starbucks should have made up a new name for that instead of confusing the world as to what a macchiato means. Espresso Macchiato is still listed on the menu and can still be ordered, but I’m sure it’s a pain that people everywhere now seem to associate “macchiato” with “vanilla latte with some caramel”
I just use it as an example because it’s so stupid to hear people talk about how it’s oh so confusing to order from Starbucks as if the menu is in latin. The vast majority of the drinks are standard coffee-shop fare, cappuccinos and lattes and so on. The few “specialty” or whatever drinks that Starbucks offers are easily explained if you just ask.
I just hate these threads because for every legitimate complaint somebody has, 5 people will chime in with complete bullshit just to jump on the anti-Starbucks bandwagon. It really is one of the most hyperbole-inducing debates I’ve ever encountered.
See: Mocha Valencia.
On second thought, it’s not a real Cafe Medici, so they may as well call it something else. 
I’m arguing because I find the place cultish and bewildering. If that pisses you off, then good. If you think that someone is an idiot because they don’t intuitively get that “tall” equals “small” (except that they should intuitively know to order a “short”, which is not on the menu), and that there is something larger than a “grande”, then perhaps it’s you that’s the idiot. If you’d stop sucking Starbucks’ dick for five seconds maybe you’d get that.
Assmunch.
I don’t begrudge coffee shops their little nomenclatural eccentricities as long as the clerks are willing to help you sort it out.
However. In a 2nd Cup recently, a fellow of my acquaintance asked for a “decaf coffee” and was told there wasn’t any ready (at 9 PM?! But let that go). As he dealt with that, I ordered a decaf cappuccino and was served. He protested that “he got decaf!” The woman, who I think was new, rolled her eyes and said, “That’s decaf espresso. We don’t have any decaf drip coffee.” Argument ensued.
He asked for “coffee.” In my world, espresso is a variety of coffee. I know and you obviously know that when people say just “coffee” they usually mean drip coffee, but it would have been appropriate for you to at least offer espresso.
In fact, this has happened to me at least twice in 2nd Cups, that they will cheerfully say, “Oh, I’m sorry, we haven’t got any decaf drip coffee, it’ll be about five minutes. But I can make you a decaf espresso americano, that’s espresso with more water, and I’ll charge you the same price as a regular decaf drip coffee…” So yes, I don’t think she’ll be lasting very long there.
I’m sorry, but how could you not understand that “tall” equals “small?” It’s the cheapest size they have on their menu. Cheapest size generally equals small. You can tell there is something larger than a grande because the venti size is even more expensive than the grande. See, more expensive generally = larger size. Except, apparently, to the willfully obtuse such as yourself.
Not only that, but the cups are generally on display, so you can see for yourself that the “tall” is smallest size of the three and “venti” is larger than “grande.” Again, except for the willfully obtuse, such as yourself.
No one expects the average customer to know about the “short” of course, since it’s not advertised. I only know because a companion of mine at an airport Starbucks thought the tall size would have too much for her and asked if they had anything smaller and they produced the short. I have also since learned that my boss frequently orders the short size for his multiple daily doses of Starbucks.
Of course, if you thought the tall was too big for you, you could…y’know…ask if they had anything smaller.
Not all of us have the time to examine the menu boards and deduce what they mean. And I’m sorry, “tall” does not equal small in this or any other universe.
Look, I observed that Starbucks’ menu is confusing and pretentious. So I decided to make light of that fact. It’s not really a big deal. But for some reason you and Ooner got really offended at this. It was as if I insulted your mothers or something. Why? Was it really necessary to call me an idiot and “willfully obtuse” over this? If it’s really that important to you, then gee, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to step all over your sacred cow.
Boy, some people’s priorities.
Nomenclature aside, in any Starbucks I’ve visited, I’ve used the size indicators small, medium and large, and I’ve yet to encounter a counterperson who couldn’t deal with the extra mental stress. I don’t care for their sizing scheme, but I’ve found no need to use it, so meh.
Really? I didn’t realize you were in such a rush that taking two seconds to look up at the board and note that “tall” was the cheapest size and therefore the smallest.
And I called you a liar. I don’t think you’ve ever had one second of confusion about it. I think you were trying to pile on with a lame schtick that was tired five years ago.
Because you are an idiot and you are willfully obtuse. And your stupidity offends me for the simple fact that it exists. And Starbucks is hardly my sacred cow. It’s not my first choice for coffee, nor my second or third. I agree with people who say their beans are overroasted and their coffee is somewhat overpriced. I agree that the funny names for sizes are silly and on the pretentious side. I agree that their decor is to hipness and trendiness as TGI Friday’s decor is to fun and originality. I’ll also happily agree that their saturation of cities is irritating and somewhat disturbing.
However, I will call anyone a liar who contends that the cashier had any trouble with the order of a “coffee” or even a “decaf” since it is expressly on their menu, but also normally brewing right behind the cashier. I will also call anyone a liar or just plain stupid who says they found the names confusing, because they just aren’t to anyone with a lick of common sense.
And I’m calling you an asshole. So there. :wally
I am neither lying nor stupid. Here’s how it went down:
I normally avoid Starbucks, as I don’t like trendy places and I’m not a big coffee drinker. The few times I’ve gone into one I went in because it was my girlfriend that wanted coffee. And most of those times if I got something it was a pastry. The one time I wanted something to drink, I looked at the menu and just saw a sea of mochachinos and chai teas and fruity brews. As the coffee cultists behind me were growing impatient, in frustration I asked “What if I just want a small hot chocolate?” My girlfriend answered “I think they have that here. Except they call it a ‘tall.’” I shot her a glance that said “The fuck? A small is a tall?” I paid for my hot chocolate and left. When I later asked my girlfriend why a small was a tall, she explained grande and venti to me. At the time I thought that was awfully odd. I still do.
That’s a true story. Call me a liar all you want, but it just makes you an insufferable prick if you do.
As to asking for a smaller size than they displayed, why the hell would I do that? How many stores have “secret” sizes? Most stores display exactly what they sell. The onus is not on me to assume any differently.
As to my rant being a rehash of 90s comedy, I have never once heard a bit on it. As far as I knew, not one comic had ever riffed on Starbucks before. With one exception, a few weeks ago I heard Denis Leary do a bit on it. And I’d forgotten about that until the bottom of page one of this thread. So I thought I was being entirely original.
I suppose you think I’m lying about that as well.
So, in fact, there was no confusion. You never actually asked for a small decaf and had them get all hostile on you. Nor did you ask for a small hot chocolate and had them get hostile on you. Nor did the different names on the sizes cause you any difficulty in getting what you ordered. You were, in fact, lying in your initial story.
Actually, I believe your last story. I can see how someone would say “WTF?” when told that Starbucks made up their own snooty names for sizes, but I can’t see them actually being confused. Maybe bewildered as to how it came about or how they chose their names, but not confused as to which name corresponded with small, medium, and large.
Probably not many, and it is lame. Of course, the short wasn’t always a hidden size. There were originally only two sizes: short (8oz) and tall (12oz) (why they didn’t call them small and large, I dunno). Then people wanted bigger coffees, so they added grande (16oz). Of course, this being the era of the super size menu and big gulps, people wanted even bigger coffee size so they added a 20oz cup and dubbed it venti. When that happened they also dropped the “short” size off the menu board. Why? I dunno.
Yes.
I was hyperbolizing, not lying. There’s a difference. And I was not offering it as historical testimony. But I’ve had things like that happen to me in various stores. Starbucks may or may not have been one of them, I don’t remember. But if you want to take that in a strict, lawyerly way, then yeah, I lied. So sue me.
Thanks for that. In that context, the names make some sense. Having not patronized them in the early years, I missed the early naming conventions, and just caught them with the current sizes. Taken out of context, it’s awfully wonky.
As to why they dropped the short, I can only guess that they make more profit on the larger sizes.
What can I say to that? You’re simply wrong.
I should also point out that you took as historical testimony a story told in present tense and containing the word halfcrafchocodoulbelattecafferchinerino. But boy did you ever give me what for!
Yeah, I read this thread planning to say that.
Apparently the history of Starbucks’ bizarre cup sizing scheme is that when they were just some little café in Seattle or wherever, they sold “short” and “tall” - meaning their old large was the smallest size now on the menu. Later on, they added the “grande” in response to customer requests for a larger size, and awhile later came the “venti”. The names are bizarre and confusing, but they remain for the same reason computer systems retain ancient software (if you’ll pardon the nerdy analogy): backwards compatibility.
The nice thing about it is that their scheme doesn’t use any of the same names as the standard small-medium-large scheme, and no employee has ever so much as blinked when I ordered a “large coffee”.
tdn, here’s what you do. If you want to get a cup of decaf at Starbucks, just go in and say “small decaf, please.” Should they ask any confusing questions about what kind, just say “the house is fine”, to signify that you’d like the “house blend”. The nice part is that it works at any coffee shop in the English speaking world, Starbucks or not.
Seriously, you’re throwing a huge tantrum (“sucking Starbuck’s dick”? Please.) over what is indeed an annoyance but one that is quite easily managed for anyone with an IQ even approaching normal levels. In truth, the “menu-reading” systems offered up by earlier posters require literacy on the part of the would-be Starbucks consumer, which admittedly is not universal, but is pretty much standard for users of the internet. The suggestions I’ve outlined here don’t even require that much mental acuity.
Honestly, the “Oh my God! These choices confuse and infuriate me!” routine was funny like a decade ago. Christ. It’s not that hard.
(Incidentally, though, the three sizes Starbucks offers in China are just “small-medium-large” (using the standard words for that in Mandarin), because customers there tend to be so concerned about saving face that the potential to be confused by Starbucks’ annoying sizing scheme would be enough to drive away customers.)