first of all, i fucking hate not another teen movie.
i haven’t seen it. i will see it. but i hate it.
i absolutely love teen movies. cruel intentions? most people bagged it. i thought, ‘hey, i wish i was that rich (and had the apparent charms of sebastian valmont). what a cool movie!’
ten things i hate about you? updated shakespeare? woohoo!
breakfast club? hey the potsmoking scene was lame, but still…
yet, from what i see of all the natm promotional material, they’ve decided to go all lowbrow on me.
well, fuck you, teen movie. i love the genre. i think it would be absolutely brilliant to see a movie ironically exploring the shortcomings of the genre.
but, what do you do? include characters like ‘the creepy hot guy’ and ‘the sexy exchange student’.
creepy hot guy? what the fuck? this is just a blatant rip-off of american beauty. which wasn’t even a teen movie!
sexy exchange student? i have not seen one teen movie with a ‘sexy exchange student’, apart from american pie.
why, why, why couldn’t you have given me what i longed for? a parody on the level of scream rather than scary movie. i don’t want a string of meaningless sex jokes! i want humour based on the inaccuracies of the genre! is that too much to ask for?
and furthermore, i really hate how the sydney cinemas have stopped showing o already! after two weeks! i love updated shakespeare. if only they hadn’t held it back for yeas because of the school shootings, this would have been a hit, and not confined to tiny cinemas that are in sydney, that i can’t get to because i’m a poor uni student that has to spend all his money on textbooks and design materials.
yeah, so fuck you em griffin, author of ‘introduction to communication theory’, or whatever your textbook is called. you’re charging A$90 per copy! i had a healthy bank account established (at last) and then i had to go blow it on stupid text books like yours.
and kmart, my place of employment, don’t think you’re going to get away free! you hired me! when i go in to work, i work my ass off! and you give me hardly any shifts! i’d just like a proper part time job, rather than one that gives me 3-4 hours per week and correspondingly low wages. fuck you, coles-myer executives and your goddamn costcutting exercises! do you know how disheartening it is to sell thousands of dollars worth of stuff in your one shift each week and only recieve A$40 as a result! i hate you all!
but right at the top of the whole bungle is major aussie dickhead and so called pm john howard. what the fuck do you thinl you’re on? first off, you get caught out lying about refugees, claiming ‘oh, they threw they’re children overboard’, when your department actually cropped photos to make it look as such.
and what did you say when the media found out?
'i know nothing! nobody told me that the refugess didn’t throw their children from the boats, so how was i to know they didn’t?
you’re a fucking moron howard! look at you! you claim to be prime minister, well, take some fucking responsiblity for what people in your department do! don’t keep shifting the blame, claiming that you’re faultless because noone told you anything!
it’s your motherfucking job to know! if you don’t then you aren’t doing your job right!
but what do you do next? pretend that it’s ok for the governor general to have ignored child abuse claims when he was in the church!
look, you little fuck, you should never have given him the position of representing our nation’s head of state to a church leader! an archbishop, nonetheless. no matter what you say about america and all it’s bullshit, heartless capitalism and false liberties, at least they know to seperate church and state!
you, john howard, are a fucking despot trapped in the 50’s, hoping for a past that never existed. rather than bringing our nation into the 21st century, you’re sending it back to the 19th century. you can’t manage the economy, and the sooner peter costello usurps your position, the better. i don’t care how bad costello is, anyone would be better than you. you’re the most evil conniving, double talking little bastard that australia has had in it’s full 101 years as a nation.
but no, your shame doesn’t end there you pathetic waste of human sperm (it is truly despicable that you were even concieved. i wish the sperm that were involved in the process had instead ended in a piece of tissue paper and flsuhed down the nearest toilet).
you then had to defend that sick fuck snator heffernan for his totally unfounded claims of child abuse against one of our countries most respected judges.
and why did heffernan feel that justice kirby was a pedophile? because he was homosexual.
and we all know that homosexuality=pedophilia.
and even when it was shown that heffernan’s ‘evidence’ was entirely forged, completely false, you still stood by your senator, refusing to sack him. as you refused to dismiss your governor general, who condones child abuse.
the entire Liberal party (read: conservative) of australia is a festering sore, and howard is that ugly ugly pus pouing out of it.
and where has that pus been?
he’s been to london, to visit the queen.
easy to get out of the public spotlight for such junket’s as these, isn’t it howard. very conivinient that it all happened when you were due to leave for london and parliament was due to go on holiday.
the Liberal party might be bad, but so to are the labor party. i thought you guys were meant to be left wing? boy was i wrong. not only are you weak as piss ditherers who couldn’t lead a poofter into the men’s dunnies (thankyou cosi for the delightful phrase), you’re weak as piss ditherers who think that the best way to do something is to follow what the government says, rather than actually be an opposition.
kim beazly, that election was yours for the taking, and you blew it. and you left simon crean to lead the party. who is he going to lead. the whole world hates him! he won’t win a single thing.
yes, something is rotten in the state of australia.
but so too is it in the state of america.
my complaint about you guys, apart from your president, which isn’t even worth mentioning anymore, is that your colleges are very expensive to get into.
i want to go to america! i want to see all the stuff that the cute U of Northern Iowa girl told me about, like american halloween and homecoming and football fall semester.
i want to go to the midwest. or new england.
and why does it have to cost so much to get to you america? why can’t i just get there really cheap and live there really cheap? i hate my job! pay me more money, dammit! i’m willing to do the work, you radge cunts. just give me the shifts. i’d work my ass off to go to an overseas uni for just one semester. i went to a good school! i’ve had years of experience! give me shifts!
and all you homophobes, i hope you go to hell. what the fuck is up your ass? these are just people trying to live their lives. quit being dickheads and getting all uptight. hey, newsflash: heterosexuality isn’t in danger of being taken over anytime soon. get it through your fucking thick skulls, it’s perfectly ok. yeah, the thought of sleeping with your wife quite probably doesn’t appeal to me, but i’m not going around trying to pretend that your feelings for her aren’t legitimate, or should be hidden some how. so fuck all you homophobes. this message goes out to a special doper who can’t even bring himself to admit that to most normal people, the word gay means homosexual. that’s what it means, barking spider! it really is not funny when you come out with all kinds of shit, basically saying ‘gay means happy, you guys are homosexuals!’ and dirty immoral ones at that too, i bet. you’re a twisted, bigoted sick fuck.
and hey, to my university: stop telling me to read all this shit that’s in short loans! i can’t read it all and make notes in two hours, which means i’ve got to photocopy it all. and that’s a lot of very expensive photocopying. i have no solution for this, it’s actually entirely fair. but it doesn’t mean that i’m thrilled about pouring so much money into the copy machines, just so that i can get my notes on the required texts.
dear people of the world: stop blowing up other peoples buildings. and other people. just stop it.
dear china: get your asses out of tibet.
oh, you know what else pisses me off? the way that i dn’t have time to check up on all my posts. which makes me seem like i’m some dickhead that posts to stir up shit and then doesn’t bother responding when people reply! well i really want to, and i try. they should just give us all a time out every day. a 24 hour day plus a 3 hour time out, to catch up on all this stuff that we don’t have time to do.
dear rory gilmore: why are you fictional? you’re damn hot! stop being so fictional!
dear neo-nazis: i hope they give you auschwitz.
dear south park: you ceased being funny years ago. give it up.
dear creed, train, p.o.d, linkin park and all you nu-metal losers: give it up! you suck, so, so hard.
why do you hate your parents?
why can’t you stop bitching?
why do you think you can rap?
why can’t you write lyrics?
and lastly, channel nine, i really really hate you for not showing survivor #4. instead we get the crappy australian survivor - locally made and with shite production. your first challenge failed to work! it’s just shite. give us the american, or at least show it at the same time as the aussie one. at leaste the americans have the money to make a decent show.
goodnight.
