I spent last evening with a long time friend (35+ years) who has terminal cancer. A couple of months ago, he had a tumor the size of his fist removed from his brain.
He’s received chemo, radiation, physical therapy, speech therapy, etc., but the clear hard fact remains that he is not going to survive this cancer. His doctors have told him he has anywhere from 6 months to a couple of years left.
He’s 55, recently retired as librarian from the San Francisco Maritime Academy. He spent almost his entire adult life in academia, but as part of the maritime teaching community was able to travel the world extensively, which he truly loved.
After retiring, he separated from his wife for a while, moved north, and lived in my house for about nine months. It was a time of daily reminiscing about when we lived together as college students and a great time of confirmation for our friendship. After moving back to his wife in Berkeley, their reconciliation was joyful, and I guess I just thought of them going on together forever. But now the hammer has fallen, and there won’t be any forever. This is a true and woeful blow, and the sadness I feel is overwhelming.
I’m not trolling for sympathy here, I just wanted to say something about his life.
I know that most of you know this, but I’ll say it anyway. Please don’t hold back on telling the people that are important to you that they are, and that you love them.
GD
This is the board for trolling for sympathy, so don’t worry about that. It should be in the board description, actually.
There is never any forever, but most of us have a little more to work with than what your friend got. Here’s hoping that he manages to use the time he has as well as he can, and that he stays as happy as possible throughout.
I’m very sorry for your friend and his family. And for you as well.
Death has been a right bastard lately. Last year one of my longtime clients (the one who first gave this virgin freelancer a chance, as a matter of fact) retired and moved to beautiful Whidbey Island to be closer to her family. About a month later Mr. Pancreatic Cancer came knocking. He took her away this summer. Dirty thief.
I hope your friend goes gentle into that good night.
I’m very sorry about your friend. I know it doesn’t make you feel any better, but death has been a busy guy here too - my uncle died the last day of last year, my grandfather January 2, my aunt a few months ago, and my uncle was diagnosed only a few months ago with two very nasty brain tumors and one of his oncologists told my aunt he didn’t expect to see him for his next appointment next month. I think he’s 54. They have three kids, the youngest just in high school.
We never know when we will meet a new best friend and have no control over when they finally leave. We can only love them while we have them.
Don’t be so hard on yourself for the supposed trolling.** It isn’t.** You are going through a very crappy time in your life. It will get worse, you may rely.
Most of us never get a chance to say a proper good bye ( or ask for fogiveness for perceived/real transgressions past.) Be thankful for this wonderful opportunity.
Anyone who gives you guff over the " tell them you love them while you have them" deserves a cockpunch With wolverine claws
Maybe work with friends, coworkers and family on setting up some kind of memorial for him regarding his job as a librarian and be able to present it to him in his honor while he is still around.
I hope your friend does not suffer or gets hit by a drunk beer truck driver and is killed instantly, throwing off all the doctor’s morbid predictions entirely. The last best laugh of all.
Thanks for your kind words. To those who have suffered loss, I offer my deepest sympathy.