Decision for Dwyr (sad for pet lovers)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Sounds like a cheap novel, doesn’t it?

Anyway.
Dwyr is my main fella. A gray/black tabby with the biggest feet you’ve ever seen on a cat. His highest weight was sixteen pounds and still his feet looked like he should have weighed twenty-five at least. A real sweet feline face too. He’s been with me since he was about three months old. Now he’s sixteen and a half. And I really want to do right by him but it’s hard.

Back in November I noticed a spot. Eventually it turns out to be a cancer. Hemangiosarcoma is its proper designation. Supposed to be rare in cats. Figures.
Between then and now there were two surgeries, drainage problems, openings along the incision, irritation and inflammation and several assorted medications.
A few days ago he stopped eating. He won’t touch a thing. Not even his all-time favorite, chicken. The vet prescribed something to settle his stomach; she thinks he may have an ulcer. But he’s so tired of me shoving pills down his throat. How much is enough?

Decisions of any stripe are not easy for me to make. I’ve got OCD for one thing. I read in a book once that it used to be called the “Doubting Disease.” I believe that. I continually second-guess myself on the most trivial of matters. I make up my mind one moment only to wonder the next if I missed something, maybe I made a mistake.
I know that there’s going to be no more surgery. It’s too hard on him and the benefit is minimal. That’s a fairly easy one. But… the rest. I can force-feed him for some nutrition anyway. He doesn’t exactly cooperate but he doesn’t fight me on it either. He’s really not happy though. I’ve been thinking today that what I should do is this: finish the medication the vet gave me and if he still won’t eat then maybe I should just leave him be. If he hurts too much then I’ll call the vet and ask her to come to my house to do what’s needful to end it.
If I can ignore all the “what ifs” floating around in my head that is. It’s sort of odd, but putting this into black and white helps with that. I don’t want to cheat him out of maybe a few more weeks of life but I think that maybe it’s more my selfishness talking than anything. Does any of this make sense?

So, forgive me for adding more sadness to the burden of the board. I just really needed to put this somewhere and I’ve no place else to go really.

2

Dwyr, I’m so sorry. I really think that you think of quality of life now as opposed to quantity. I’m sure the poor cat has had a wonderful life with you; don’t make his last weeks be full of suffering. You have to let him go. He’ll be happier this way. You can be be there with him, stroking him, while he goes peacefully. And if you need to talk, feel free to email or instant message me; my email address and screen name are in my profile.

3

Sorry to hear about your cat. I wish I could say something that would make it easier, but I doubt that I can. It is a tough decision to make and even harder when you have had one for that long. Let us know whatever you decide and know that our thoughts are with you and that you are not alone.

4

dwyr, if it helps you any, please read the thread where I had to make the final decision to put my baby, my Sam down. It was by all accounts, the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I don’t know if it really will help you but maybe by reading a past thread of the terrible feelings you may encounter will help you make the right decision.

It’s never easy, they are our family, they are our friends, the give us unconditional love. They don’t care if you smell, look bad, have no makeup on, wake up with your hair sticking out in all directions. Our animals love us regardless and to make that decision is extremelly painful but do what your heart says.

I did that and even though I still am pained, I know it was what was best for my Sam. < sigh >

Over two years ago and I am still grieving him. He was my baby, my true baby…

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=39801&perpage=50&pagenumber=1

Then there’s the Rainbow Bridge that will certainly make you sad, but that’s okay. You don’t want your friend and confidant (sp) to live in misery either.

http://www.petloss.com/

It has music, so be aware.

I am with you in your grief over what to do…life, it’s life hun. Sad or happy, you will get through the ultimate decsion as hard as it is.

I would like to thank the person that directed me to that last website, it has given me a lot of healing.

5

dwyr, Rico and I send our prayers and best thoughts your way. I had to decide whether to put my puppy down when I was just 12 without any help from my family. She was so sick and suffering. I’m 45 now and sometimes still wonder if there was some other way but I know intellectually that there really wasn’t. She wasn’t going to get better…she was only going to get worse and die and she was suffering. Then, about 1 1/2 years ago, one of my little girls died. She’d been in the hospital for abt a week and appeared to be getting better then Kali just died in her sleep. I still get choked up when I think of it or see another Calico, like Kali.

My point… It’s never easy. Second thoughts are normal with or with OCD. I’ve never had OCD but from what I know about it, I’m guessing that it makes it harder. Do what is best for Dwyr whatever that is.

{{{{dwyr and dwyr}}}}}

6

God, that came over wrong…I just worded that incredibly wrong.

I goal was for you to see that you aren’t alone. Please know that I still grieve my Sammy, over two years later and I know the sadness that can come from making that ultimate decision.

Hugs to you for your sick kitty, there are no easy decisions when it comes to our animals…Hugs to you for all you are goign through. It’s not easy.

I know what you are going through, if you need a place to vent, please email me.

7

Sorry, dwyr. I feel your pain. I was in pretty much the same situation, almost a year to the day, with my dog Grizzly. I knew he wasn’t in the greatest shape…he was 13, couldn’t walk anymore, and his kidneys were going. Still, I just couldn’t bear to make that awful decision.

Part of what I felt was that I knew I should probably end whatever suffering he had, but I also felt weird about making the decision to take his life. It just felt wrong, like I didn’t have that right. Death is, afterall, a natural process, and isn’t always neat and clean.

What if he didn’t feel as bad as I thought? What if he didn’t want to leave me? Or was I just being selfish, as you think you may be?

All I know is that you feel terrible, and you’ll get lots of good wishes here, and from people you know personally, but ultimately the decision is up to you. If you should decide to let nature take it’s course, that’s OK, as long as you feel that he is as comfortable as you can make him. Afterall, the best outcome would be for Dwyr to die on his own, hopefully in your arms, before he gets really bad.

Your cat spent his life knowing that you loved him. He trusted you to take care of him, to make the right decisions, and he still does. I think that if he gets to the point where he’s obviously in awful pain, you’ll just want to call your vet and end it. Hopefully she can go to your house so that Dwyr can be in familiar surroundings.

I stayed with my dog till the end, even taking time off of work. I just knew when his time was near. Fortunately, and mainly for me, he died naturally. I can only hope the same for you. I think about him every day, but I never felt that I made the wrong decision. By the way, I cried for days. You’ll no doubt feel the urge - just let it flow, it helps.

Just trust your heart, and never doubt that whatever decision you make, it’ll be the right one. Your cat will always love you, no matter what. Believe it.

8

dwyr…I have lost two beloved cats. Both had lived long and pampered and happy lives, and I had given that to them. Well, participated in that, anyway.

I lost my first baby three weeks after I lost my mom to cancer. I knew that Tasha was failing, and that she wasn’t happy anymore, but I just couldn’t face losing her during my mom’s illness and death. Then, three weeks after mom died, Tasha came up, jumped up on the rocker behind my head where she liked to sit, and peed on my head. Honestly. I couldn’t believe it, but I just cleaned up and went to bed. I woke up the next morning with an “epiphany”…she wanted to go. She wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t paying any attention to HER decision. So I took her to the vet and held her as he gave her rest.

All of which has no bearing on your feelings, I guess, but for some reason I felt like telling you.

I am so sorry, and I wish I could say something to help you. My heart goes out to you…my cats are my children, and losing them hurt me more than I could tell you in words.

You will know when it is time, I truly believe this. Sometimes you just have to let go, even if YOU aren’t ready…because THEY are, and you have to love them enough to accept it.

Honey, my email is Scotticher@aol.com. Please PLEASE talk to me if it might help. I truly understand.

My Love,

Cheri

9

I’m so sorry Dwyr. Having to loose a friend is hard. Having to make the decision to end your friend’s life is the hardest thing ever.

16 years is a good, long life for a male cat, you’ve obviously been taking good care of him.
Best wishes.

10

I’m so sorry for you and your buddy, Dwyr.

It IS the hardest decision, ever. Been there too. :frowning:

Even though I knew, KNEW! that it was the last, most compassionate thing I would ever do for my canine best friend, it was still… excrutiating. It’s been years and there’s still a tender spot there when I think of him. He was my buddy and we “grew up” together. Two of my friends have gone through this recently with their dogs, brought it all back.

My heart hurts for you, I wish there were words. So sorry.
techchick68: I didn’t see anything wrong with your first post, all I saw was your hand reaching out. Nothing wrong with it all IMO.

11

Sorry, that last should read, “nothing wrong with it at all.” :slight_smile:

12

dwyr, I’ve had to face this moment with three elderly, sick animals (two cats, one dog), and I have a fourth cat with borderline kidneys who’s approaching 18. I can tell you that with two of the animals, I did everything I could to treat them, spending hundreds, even thousands of dollars and subjecting them to all kinds of indignities in the process, and with the last one, I realized when he quit eating and drinking that it was time to let him go. I’ve second-guessed both decisions. I’ve agonized over the amount of veterinary intervention I put the first two pets through, and I’ve tortured myself with the thought that if I’d just tried a little harder and been willing to put up with some expense and inconvenience, the third might have been able to live longer. I suspect there’s just nothing you can do that you’ll feel absolutely right about.

The best course of action might be for you to sit down with your vet and talk honestly about what the chances are for your kitty to recover to the extent that he’ll lead a happy life for a significant amount of time. You may need to let her know that you’re willing to consider euthanasia, because some vets find that a very hard subject to broach. She may also be attached to him, especially if she’s been his vet for a long time. It can sometimes be easier for vets to treat each problem as it arises and not to address the basic issue.

I’m going to go out on a limb here, given the information you’ve passed on. Your kitty is old, he’s sick, and he’s quit eating. It’s probably time to say goodbye and to let him go before he starts really suffering. There’s no way for you to know for certain that you’re doing the right thing, but if you’re having to force-feed an old, sick cat, you’re probably only prolonging the inevitable and making him unhappy in the process. Talk to your vet and have a serious, in-depth discussion about what the long-term prognosis is, and if it’s as bad as it sounds, arrange for humane euthanasia.

I’m sorry you and your beloved cat have to go through this, but death is an inevitable part of life. It sounds like you’ve been a good friend to your cat all these years; he’s lucky to have you. As for your worry that you’re being selfish trying to hang onto him versus your guilt over maybe deciding to end it all too soon, I’d say that’s just one more sign that you’re an excellent, conscientious companion to this wonderful kitty.

13

I want to thank everybody so much. This actually does help even though I’m typing with tears all over the keyboard. I may not reply often but I read all the pet threads and know what great people there are here.

Dwyr’s napping on my bed right now. I gave him a pain pill earlier, that makes him a bit spacey.

My vet and I have talked about this some already. She put down another fellow of mine a little over a year ago. She’s been very supportive, the whole staff actually. They all like Dwyr-they say he’s such a mellow kitty.
I sort of felt deep down, though I didn’t want to say it out loud, that he’s telling me it’s enough. I have to give him a couple of more days to be sure (I always have to be sure huh). As long as he’s not hurting more then I’ll just leave him alone and hold him in my lap as much as he wants and see what happens. He was just purring a bit earlier, he’s never been a big purring-type cat. It was nice.
If need be I will call the vet-I know I can do that much for him.

Anyway, thank you Monica, Ashkicker, techchick68 (I understood, it was fine), cadolphin, Skelji, Scotticher, Magayuk, Triss and InternetLegend. If there’s any redeeming quality in humankind it’s that we’re capable of such care and feeling towards our animal friends. I really believe that.

Gotta go be with my sweetie now, maybe we can both get some sleep.

14

{{{dwyr and Dwyr}}}

:frowning:

I am so sorry you and your kitty are going through this. He looks like such a sweetheart, licking his big foot. (Brat had big feet, too.) If you’re able, please tell us more about him. The two of you are in my thoughts.

15

dwyr - I went through this same thing when my dog Kate was aging. For a year or more before her death I was cooking special dog stew to keep her eating. I didn’t cook for myself, but I was more than willing to cook for Kate. She had a cancer which was removed. And through it all, I told myself that when it was time I’d know. And you know what? I did. The morning I woke up and she kept trying to stand but would fall over. She’d try to walk but could only go in circles. I took her straight into the vet, and he said she likely had an inner-ear displacement. In younger dogs they’d usually hospitalize them for a week and keep them sedated. Eventually they’d learn to compensate for their changed equilibrium. In her case, we knew she’d never survive being separated from me, even if she could adjust to the new equilibrium, which was unlikely. Even when she was healthy she didn’t handle that well. So I held her and kissed her and said goodbye. And almost three years later I still miss her, but I know I did what was right.

Because you love him, you’ll have the strength to do what is right for Dwyr.

StG

16

Aw, dwyer. My heart goes out to you. Your post made me cry because it reminded me of the pain of losing my kitty Missy.

You know Dwyer best, and you will do what you feel is in his best interests. When the time comes, may you find peace with the decision you make.

It’s never easy to let someone you love go. You will be in my thoughts.

17

The vet just left my house a few minutes ago.
She helped Dwyr out of his misery. He went down startlingly quickly over the past couple of days. I know this was the right thing.
I just wanted to tell you a few things about my guy.

His mama was a tortoiseshell, a stray that my sister took in. Good thing for her because her kittens were so big they had to be delivered by C-section. I’d never had a cat of my own before so I really wanted to take one of the kittens, but which? I watched them tumbling over each other in the large cardboard box but they didn’t seem to notice me.
Except for this one little gray striped fur ball. It kept staring at me with these big golden eyes. It wobbled over to the side of the box, propped its little feet up on the edge and just kept gazing at me. So I picked it up, saw it was a he and put him in my lap to see what he’d do.
Right away he scaled me like a cliff, perched on my shoulder and started chewing on my hair. He was mine. Soon as he was old enough he came to live with me.

He’s always been a very social creature, quite unlike the cat stereotype. Whenever there was a room full of people he was in the thick of things, watching everyone. Weekends that I went home from college I took him with me. As far as I could tell he never slept the whole time we were home, too much going on to see. At night he’d patrol the house, still watching. When I went back to my apartment he was so tired he’d sleep for a day and a half. Times my Mother stayed at my place she’d tell me that when she’d wake up at night there he was, sitting next to her bed, just keeping an eye on things. It bothers some people to be watched by a cat but I found it oddly reassuring, like he was looking out for me.

He was most graceful and athletic as well, very much a cat of high places. As a kitten he would try day after day to jump up in the kitchen windowsill but he was too small to get up that high. He never stopped trying. One day he finally made it and would spend hours watching the world go by. The first time he succeeded in getting atop the shower stall he laid up there most of the day with such a smug expression! No shelf or cabinet was too high for him yet he never knocked a thing off.
He was large when full grown, weighing sixteen pounds at his heaviest, yet very light of foot. He would walk across my desktop over the
keyboard and mouse, never even kicking off the screensaver. He would throughout his life think himself something of a parrot. He could spring from the ground to my shoulder, landing squarely and did so frequently.
Some times he was a feline retriever, bringing paper wads to me to throw for him.

And on those long, very black nights when I couldn’t do anything but sob he never left me. He’d crawl up to my shoulder and lay his cheek
alongside mine. We’d just sit like that there in the dark until I gradually felt better. He never purred loudly enough to be heard but I could feel the vibrations with my body. He always took me as I came, good or bad.

As he got older he got stiffer, less able to jump and climb. But he always claimed his spot atop me for a good nap. When company came over to the house he’d be sure to circulate around as a good host should, greeting everyone that came through the door. Perhaps he could no longer participate so much in the party but he still gazed upon the scene from the nearest willing lap. And if a kind soul would slip him a morsel now and then, well so much the better. There’s not a person who ever met him that didn’t take to him. A truly congenial fellow.

Now he’s gone on.

All I can do is hope that he still watches and waits for me.

18

Dwyr was a very handsome cat. I’m so sorry for your loss and difficult descision. I’m sure you did the right thing for him. ::sniffle::

19

Beautiful cat. I’m sorry for your loss. :frowning:

20

He looks like he was a terrific cat. I’m sure his life was a happy one, since he had such a loving and dedicated owner.

Our family lost a cat and a dog last year, both of them my beloved little friends. It’s not easy at first, but eventually you will smile when you think about them and what they brought to you.