I’m so sorry Marley. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Take care dude, Praying for peace and strength to all of you.
Marley, I’m so sorry to hear this. Reading about Tyler has been an inspiration to me. May the end come with peace to you all.
Marley, I haven’t posted yet but I’ve been thinking of you and your brother a lot lately, and especially your mom as I am one myself. I wish there was something I could do for you and your family. Hang in there and be don’t forget to be good to yourself, too.
When Marley started the first thread about his little brother, I was saddened but optimistic that all would be well in the end.
As I write this, I have tears for you and your family Marley…you’re half a world away, a person I have never met, and I can’t begin to imagine the pain you are all going through.
What does one say when shit like this happens? May the end come quickly and painlessly? May you all rejoice in the life that Tyler still has?
I really don’t know, but I wish you all some semblance of peace in whatever eventuates.
kam
My thoughts are with you and your family, Marley.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Marley.
Rita’s version (a friend of Mom’s who’s one of the best people in my life): “Well, maybe God never gives you more shit than you can handle, but I wish he’d flush already!”
Peace to you and your family, Marley.
It really is.
You want your loved ones to not suffer any more, but not by leaving you forever. 
Marley, I haven’t posted until now, because I felt that there was really nothing I could say that was adequate. But I have to tell you that I am so sorry and that you, Tyler, and your whole family are in my thoughts.
I just noticed that Marley hasn’t posted since yesterday morning. That’s probably not a good sign.
I just hope the end comes as peacefully as possible, At least he will be surrounded by people who love him.
Your poor family. I am so very sorry.
Once again, thanks very much to everyone. Tyler is still here and still with us - he’s out of it sometimes and usually doesn’t say more than a word or two, but we’re doing what we can. Right now he’s listening to The Last Waltz with my dad and me. He’s weaker than yesterday and his breathing seems more shallow. We did have some laughs when the hospice nurse came by. She sat with us and looked through a book of pictures from summer 2008, when he was a waiter at camp. My mom finally completed his blanket, and not a moment to soon: the Panthers finally won a fucking game this week.
Some of the greatest music in all recorded history. I hope it gives him some much needed pleasure and enjoyment, and should be a perfect way for your family to spend the afternoon together…
Matthew
Marley, I was wondering if you have a picture of your brother you could post for us dopers to see? You and Tyler have been in my thoughts all day and I just wondered what he looks like. I know you have more important things to do right now, so if you can’t, that’s ok.
Peace…
Sending good thoughts for your family from the other side of the world.
Aw, gosh, Marley, I’m so very sorry. These last few days and hours are so hard. I hope he dies peacefully and with dignity, surrounded by the people who love him the most.
Will he be buried covered with your mom’s blanket? I hope so. She’ll know that it’s with him forever.
Marley, I await your posts with a combination of eagerness and dread. Eagerness to hear the latest and “be” with you in spirit, and dread at the sadness and inevitability of it all. I’m so very sorry you and your family are going through this, and I wish you all the very best.
It’s great music, and yes, it did just that. He let me make a couple of music choices today and I’m taking that as a major compliment. I put on some Cannonball Addlerley, then The Band (Jericho starting with Blind Willie McTell, then on through The Last Waltz), and later some Charlie Parker. My girlfriend spent most of today at the house and she was glad to see him- and he her. During the evening she massaged his hands and arms a bit. He acknowledged it hurts everywhere. I can see on his right side especially that all the muscles are permanently clenched. He can’t relax them and sometimes he shakes. I don’t know how much difference the massages made - when he’s awake there is almost always at least one person rubbing his hands or feet - but I’m sure he appreciated the thought.
As a matter of fact, on Friday I found a digital camera full of recent pictures. The earliest were from his college visits, but the latest are from the last few weeks. I’d been wondering if my family had taken any pictures and luckily, they have. But they’re not just taking photos of him when he’s semiconscious or anything. I just posted a few of them on PhotoBucket. The one with Tyler and my dad was taken on Tyler’s birthday. The rest are from the last few weeks. I don’t know the exact dates, but I know that recently one of the dogs turned 12. They threw a bar mitzvah for him (technically those are for when you turn 13, but he can’t count- he’s a dog). You can see the dog in a prayer shawl and Tyler with our mom.
I do too. We’re doing everything we can to make him feel loved. I wish he wasn’t hurting so much. He can turn up the methodone whenever he wants, but I am not sure it always occurs to him since his awareness comes and goes. I don’t know how much it’s helping either.
He wants to be cremated. I’d had that thought about the blanket and although it’s kind of a shame to destroy it when so many people worked hard on it, it might be fitting. On the other hand it might be a nice memento. We’re starting to think about this stuff but we’re not there yet. And now we have two blankets: tonight the Richmond family came over and dropped off an entire completed blanket in the same colors. I’m not sure what we’ll do with that one either, but as with the desserts, ice cubes for swallowing, massages, and everything else, it’s better to have extras.
We’ve been doing something like that: Friday night we bought a bunch of ice cube trays and filled them with raspberry Snapple, water, and Coors. Later one of my friends brought some more trays that made ice cubes that were very small, and they’re just perfect. He’s had a pretty good number of those. I had no idea they made ice cube trays like this.
Not at all - and unfortunately the end of life is where we are. But he’s being massaged and rubbed down continuously, mostly on his hands and feet. The muscle tension is painful for him, although I think the worst of it is nerve damage and we can’t do much about that. He’s numb sometimes, too. My father is chief masseur. I’ve given a few rubs, but I’m trying to leave that stuff for my parents. I keep thinking I’d be embarrassed if one of my brothers gave me a massage, but he’s probably past worrying about it at this point. To be honest it’s hard to tell how aware he is at times. I don’t think his vision is very good, and sometimes he’ll start saying “yeah” to every question he’s asked. Other times he’s more awake but I guess those moments are diminishing. I don’t know what tomorrow will be like.
Definitely. I tried to say something about this a while ago- every time you see his condition has worsened, you hope it will plateau there and things will stay the same for a while. You keep thinking you’ve let go and finding you’ve only released a little bit. But it’s too late for that now. This isn’t any kind of a life and there’s no way he could go on like this.
Thank you. I think his state of mind is about as good as it could be considering his youth and everything else. He doesn’t want to endure more of this but nobody wants to say that last goodbye either. We try to plan for what’s next, make funeral arrangements and things, and it’s hard to get started. Today when I was out of the room, my mom asked him to promise he’d visit her in her dreams. He said he would. I hadn’t cried in a couple of weeks but that might be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.