500? Really? That many already? Gosh, I hadn’t noticed. I was just planning to have a quiet night at home. Maybe a light dinner, read my book by the fireplace, turn in early, that sort of thing.
Party? No, of course not. I wouldn’t do something like that – anyway, we all know that post parties are frowned upon.
Yes, yes, I do have quite a lot of alcohol stockpiled in my kitchen. Well you never know when friends might drop by unexpectedly, and I’d hate to run out. Actually, I do have a lot of friends, since you ask. Really? Don’t most people buy vodka by the keg? No? I hadn’t realized. Huh.
The videocameras? Yes, there are quite a few, aren’t there? All part of my collection. All in perfect working order, too. Now how could you say a thing like that? There’s absolutely nothing untoward in the way they’re arranged. You’ve got a smutty mind, my friend.
That? What do you think it is? It’s a wading pool, for crying out loud! There’s no law against a man owning a wading pool, is there? Oh, you mean the lime jello. Umm…that’s…my dessert. You see, I really, really like lime jello, and I always tend to make too much anyway, so I keep it in my wading pool. Okay, maybe that’s a little odd, but there’s no room in my fridge. No, don’t ask what’s in the fridge.
Oh you’ve noticed the goat? Yes, I’m…uh…just taking care of it for a friend who has a farm. I don’t know why it’s wearing a tutu; my friend has a very strange sense of humor. I’m also taking care of his chickens. You hadn’t seen the chickens? Oh well…they’re over there, in the corner. What? Don’t be ridiculous! I’m sure they’ve only been eating red seed corn or something. I’m not even sure how one would put lipstick on a chicken, let alone why.
So, as you can see, I’m just planning a quiet, solitary night at home. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. Nope, I’m quite happy to leave post parties to other people.
Thanks for stopping by, though. Drive safely now. Bub-bye!
[sub]Psst! Ix-nay on the arty-pay until the ods-may aren’t ooking-lay![/sub]