As I said, antidepressants may cause physical discomfort. If she uses mouth dryness as an excuse not to take antidepressants she has no depression. (It’ quite mild dryness, a swallow of water or a hard candy in cheek will cure it. Old antidepressant drugs caused severe mouth dryness, with raspy voice or inability to speak at all)
Similarly, sleep disturbance (not always present), is not severe and can be easily remedied. There are sleeping pills which also act as mild antidepressants. They can be added to her regimen.
Again, it’s a very mild case: the fact that she has had it for four years and never attempted suicide is very good. But she should not continue like this. Depression is unpredictable and may take a sharp downturn, within days. We do not want to loose her before she recognizes this downturn.
One of the main symptoms of severe depression or bipolar is an unwillingness to seek out help. A depressed person will not do anything to recover, at least initially; generally they will continue to wallow in self-pity and tell themselves that it’s their own problem and they should face up to it. (My father does this. I did this for nearly a year. My girlfriend did this for several years. And so forth.) Eventually, many seek help, and generally the help works better if they’re not being forced into it.
bernse, your friend sounds dysthymic–a long-term but mild depression, and what I suffer from. Fortunately, it’s not severe; unfortunately, it may require medication for a long time. And, also unfortunately, there is quite frankly no other easy way around it.
I was afraid of going the drug route, as well. I work in a somewhat “creative” job, and I thought drugs would flatten out the creative buzzes I thrive on.
Didn’t happen. And according to my psychiatrist, if it does happen, there are other drugs we could try with slightly different actions and effects.
What the drugs did do was to “raise the floor” of my down moods, so I’m better able to deal with the mood, the people around me and the stresses.
Your friend seems to be stuck in a lot of things she can’t do (can’t take the time to go to therapy,. can’t change jobs, can’t take medication.) That’s not unusual for depression. I’d suggest turning it around to find out what she feels she can do.
Can she get regular exercies, a consistent amount of sleep each night, and a regular, healthy diet? Just eliminating those stresses may make her feel a lot better.
Can she escape from the stress with some personal time once or twice a week? Nothing like a night out with friends to lift your spirits.
Can she look at her life and see that it’s going somewhere? Nothing like a sense of purpose.
Whenever I have friends who are stuck in this kind of rut, I (somewhat obnoxiously I confess) say to them “Tell me that you’re happy with the way things are. If you can’t tell me that, what are you going to do about it?” If your friend can’t come up with some sort of answer, then you shouldn’t spend too much of your time worrying about her. She’s not ready yet.
There are also other types of antidepressants besides SSRIs that frequently have fewer side effects. I take Wellbutrin, and the worst side effects I have are slight hand tremors and mild tinnitus (ringing in the ears), which are very manageable and certainly worth the beneficial effects of the meds.
Calling antidepressants “happy pills” is incorrect and may help to perpetuate the stigma of depression. They do not make you happy or in any way change your mental state. What they do is correct an imbalance in brain chemicals that are out of whack. When a drug is working, you feel normal. I feel happy, sad, angry, all the regular emotions, but I don’t feel depressed any more.
I also agree with LazarusLong42 that unwillingness to seek treatment is itself a symptom of depression. Remember that one of the hallmarks is feelings of unworthiness or self-pity; a depressive feels that they deserve to feel crappy because they are somehow defective.
I mean, basically, she shouldn’t work so hard and she should take whatever steps are needed to get away with not working so hard. And she should use her newly found spare time to work through her depression.
I’m against the idea of happy pills. They are just a quick fix which do not get at the root of the problem. The brain is a very self-correcting organ if given time to heal.
I work hours similar to those of your friend. One of the things that is really helping keep me sane is a Yoga class. It’s an hour and a half once a week, which sounds like a lot, but I think I save that much in increased productivity because I’m not as stressed out. She also might feel better about it than about finding a therapist or taking antidepressants (which are not “happy pills”).
I’m also diagnosed as “dysthymic” or also “Atypically depressed”. Basically it means that, unlike depressed people who can’t eat or sleep, I want to do both to extremes. My way of coping is to either eat myself numb, or sleep 14-15 hours a day.
I actually did go through therapy, both individual and group, and it did help a great deal. But it wasn’t the “cure” I’d been looking for, if only because after it was over I realized I knew WHY I felt as I did, but still didn’t know HOW to feel better.
That’s when I started Prozac, and it has made all the difference. My dosage has changed a couple times, we tried lowering it and when that didn’t work we went back to the original dose. But I do notice the difference when I don’t take it: With Prozac I feel “like myself”. Without it I’m in a constant state of depression, blues, numbness, whatever.
As to side effects, one I’ve noticed no one has mentioned is that there is a lowering of the sex drive – yes, I have that, too, but my husband is extremely understanding. He’s told me many times “I’d rather have you healthy and happy than have you sexy and unhappy”. Just something to think about.
Mostly, I think your friend’s wife sounds like she isn’t ready yet to deal with the depression she’s feeling. And until she is, there is little anyone can do. All I can suggest at this point is to have her make an appointment with her doctor, and let discuss the symptoms she has with him/her. A doctor is the best place to start when dealing with something like this.
Be it stress or depression she is suffering from, my recommendation is excercise and eat well. These two things have helped me through minor bouts of the abovementioned afflictions (and both help you sleep)
Laz, you are absolutely correct.
We are talking about different things here. You, and your father, and your GF had mild depresiion. Some do not even call it depression", they call it “being down” or “having blues”. Some call it dysthymia. They call it a different name to distiguish it from depresion.
Severly depressed person “do not tell himself” anything. He does not care, he does not analyze himself, he wants only one thing: to end it all. He wakes up in the morning, and his first thought is: “why did I wake up?” I wish I died.” At some mornings, he may do usual routine, mechanically go to work, etc. At some, he can’t get out of bed.
“A depressed person will not do anything to recover”. A depressed person will do anything to finish his suffering, so unbearable it is. If you told him that a gizmo will be implanted in his brain which will give him physical pain, but the depression will go away, he would be the happiest person on earth. You and yours were lucky. True, a depressed peson does not do anything to recover, but would sell his soul to the devil, if it would help.
Some 50 years ago the mental hospitals were filled with depressed people, they were watched 24/7, they were not allowed to shut close the bathroom door: the guard must have heard some noises at all times and be able to open the door. It was called “suicide watch”.
If this lady has dysthymia, she is “down”, but she is not
suffering. Her prognosis is good. But is’s got to be treated.
Sorry to bring this up again. I would have emailed the OP, but there wasn’t an address.
The book I always recommend for depression is “Feeling Good - the New Mood Therapy” by David D. Burns, M.D. This is a behavioral approach to depression which had as good a success rate as medicine, with longer lasting effects (and no side effects).
Ask her if she would be willing to try St. Johns Wort. This is an herb that is supposed to help with mild depression. She might be willing to try this since it’s “natural.” Many people who aren’t comfortable taking a “drug” will try something herbal.
Of course the poor woman is unhappy!
This is the life she has chossen. Working to much, sleeping to little and being depressed. One must make the choices that lead to a happy life. If she wants to feel better she must make the changes. This may include medication but for goodness sake anyone would be unhappy with a life like that.
Good luck