First off, Manhattan/Chronos please move this if you feel its appropriate. I am not sure as where to put it. GD maybe?
My best friends wife appears to be battling depression. The reason I am posting this is that he asked for some advice. I really don’t have any, so I thought some of the minds of the clever people here could be of some help. Everything I am posted here is going from what he told me, and I believe it to be accurate.
She is fairly young, I believe 25-26. Very attractive, and very well educated. Apparantly, she knows she is suffering from depression and asked even her Doctor about it. He recomended some drug (happy pills) but apparantly she refuses to take them since she doesn’t like pills messing with her mind… which as an aside I can understand since she would have to be on them for some time. Therapy is the other option and she doesn’t want to go to a shrink, one of the reasons being that she is too busy.
The background goes that this started when she was in University about 3-4 years ago and had too many of those nights with no sleep from studying. Eventually, graduated with honors and went to work, where she puts in something like 60-70 hour weeks. Getting up at 6AM every day, including most weekends, and working usually until 6PM (hence, to busy to go for “therapy”). Her office litterally would have a hard time functioning without her as she is in an important position. If she doesn’t come in, 30 other people don’t work since she tells them what to do. Needless to say, this probably isn’t helping things either. She has some “good” days, but definetly has what he calls “sad” spells. Calling in for sick days is almost impossible from what I understand.
On top of all this, the couple just moved to another city and purchased a house a while ago so quitting and looking for another job is not an option.
SO - That is the background. The question is this. What advice could/would any of you give this person? I think they keep hoping it will go away on its own with no “professional” treatment, but from what I understand with Depression is that is almost impossible.
The only advice I’d give is to try and convince her to take the happy pills. I suffer from depression, and the pills really do make a difference.
When I first had them prescribed, I was a bit reluctant to take them. But my doctor explained to me that it isn’t so much that the pills are changing the mood, they’re equalizing the chemical balance to a more natural state.
I don’t know if that would help her, but it did help me.
Personally I don’t see how she could work. When I was depressed I felt like I was going to fired at any moment. Because I was so down I could not think properly to resolve problems(manager job which sounds like what she has). It took everything I had just to get dressed to go to work. I literally hated life and wanted to die. But I did finally come out of it. So she can too.
I suffered from severe depression on and off for almost a decade, and have been through every treatment out there, including hospitalization (no ECT, though). The various medications I was prescribed didn’t seem to help much - they took forever to work and only had limited effectiveness. Similarly with (one-on-one) therapy. One thing that did appear to help somewhat was group therapy - talking with others who could relate and were non-judgemental made me feel less like a worthless, whiny freak. However, I have to say that I think much of it was due to (or at least exacerbated by) circumstances - unhappy marriage, horrible job (70-80 hours a week), etc. Once I got divorced and quit my job, things got 100% better. I know it’s not the easiest option, but you’ve got to decide what’s important - your mental and physical health or your work commitments. From the sound of it, it doesn’t seem as if she’d have any trouble finding a new job - she could at least start looking. I also understand the stigma attached to taking medication for a mental problem - the feelings that you are somehow weaker than others, that you can’t cope as well, and so on. However, depression is as real as any physical ailment - I doubt if she had cancer or was diabetic she’d feel bad about taking medication for it. It is hard, but I know many people who have been helped by treatment, despite my own experiences. Maybe have her read up a little on the subject. And if she doesn’t want to go along with any of these options, you can give her my e-mail address if she just wants to talk to somebody who’s been through it and can offer a sympathetic (and empathetic) ear. My best wishes to all of you involved.
Doesn’t sleep as much as she would like. One of those people that could sleep until noon if she could get away with it, but gets up at 6AM.
Yes, looks forward to sleeping.
I don’t think she cries for no reason, but what you and I would consider minimal things that would slide right off may make her cry.
Jmullaney - At risk of soundning like a knob, What the hell is that “slack”? I stopped reading after about 40 words as it looked damn weird.
Another possibility that should be considered beyond simple depression is bipolar syndrome (manic depression), especially when sleep disturbance might be involved. My former girl friend, and still close friend, had a severe case and it took her more than 10 years to get it correctly diagnosed and treated (which she tells me is typical).
Your friend should definitely, definitely get it treated and to hell with the job. As far as my experience goes with family and friends, modern drugs can be very effective, but it takes the right doctor and may take quite a while until the best combination is hit on.
Well, it does seem a bit out of place here, but then, it would seem more out of place anywhere else. Besides, we do get other threads here asking for advice in dealing with medical conditions, so I’ll leave it here.
Tell her to learn the power of delegatation. If that many people rely on her that much, one way to lighten the load is to delegate. Break the tasks down and let some of the underlings take some responsibility. I am sure that’s not always easy, but it would certainly lighten her load and free up some time.
I suffer (suffered?) from depression and initally had the same misgivings about medication as your friends wife. However my doctor talked me into taking them and I’m glad he did. It’s great to actually feel good. I’ve got my appetite back, can sleep at night, and don’t have that constant feeling of dread hanging over me. I just hope that she gets some kind of help, it really is a dreadful disease that she does not have to live with.
Bemse: first, good news: she does not have severe depression, perhaps, a mild one. I doubt that it is part of bipolar disorder.
Keep in mind that there are two kinds of depression: external and internal. The former by definition has a cause, resistant to drug treatment, amenable to psycho/group therapy and goes away with time and/or when the cause is removed. Internal depression is a real desease, e.g.,like diabetes is, is thought to be caused by chemical imbalance, has no outsides case, not amenable to psychotherapy, ends spontaneously sooner or later. Not everyone lives to see the end of it, though. A derpessed person would do anything to recover: drugs, ECT (almost an electric chair; I’m exagerating, of course, but I wouldn’t wish it to anyone. You got my drift). So, if she is refusing treatment, she ain’t that bad (yet).
She appears to be an intelligent person. Explain to her, that today’s drugs have little side effect. Sleep disturbance is the major. But there are combination sleep drugs/antidepressants. A good doctor (hard to find) can try several drugs or drug combinations, to see, which is better. treatment may take several month or years, but the alternative is worse. Why does she resist drugs? She may avoid unpleasant dryness in her mouth these drugs may cause, but this is better than to loose her life.
P.S. Two types of depression really exist. Sometimes, they coexist and overlap. A good doctor would know it and will keep in mind.
P.P.S. On this BB, I may say that I’m an M.D. Or I may say that I’m not. It’s irrelevant, unverifiable, and not important. You asked for an advice, I gave it. Good luck to her and ask me questions if anything is unclear.
I’m currently in treatment for depression and firmly believe two things:
Drugs and talk therapy work best together. Some may prefer one over the other, but I can’t see going only half way.
You friend will get therapy eventually. I was in a similar situation (tough job, lotsa demands, etc), and didn’t seek help for all the reasons your friend has stated. That is until the day I woke up in the hospital and the doctor was explaining that the air bag saved my life, etc. My fear for your freind is that in her situation is that she will “crack”.
I would put it to her simply: Either she can control her life, or her depression will.
As an aside, after I got outta the medical hospital I spent some time in a mental hospital. About half of the people in my “group” worked at the same company I did. I quit the day I got out. I make more money, am happier, and almost see a bright future. Hey, it takes time…
After all, I AM only sixteen, but one of the main things I LOVE about this board is that you people really don’t take into account too much are people’s ages.
At sixteen, I see a lot of depression. I have been mildly depressed. My advice: Talk to somebody about it. Talking to someone who cares is VERY effective. I can’t vouch for pills, because I’ve never taken them, but I do know that talking to someone who cares helps a lot.
I went through depression. It was situational, but situations happen and healthy people cope with it. I tried therapy, but they don’t really know me. Plus, an HMO tends to discourage it. I eventually was referred to a psychiatrist unlike any steriotypical shrink. He told me, “you’re healthy, you’re young (I was 34), and you’re white (he was black). Your problem is a chemical imbalance, and I recommend Prozac or Zoloft. Take your pick.” I had tried Zoloft, so I chose Prozac. This guy had been a tour guide at one time, and soon left his job for a management position. He did not talk to me like a pschyciatrist, he talked to me like a real person.
Anti-depressants do take a little while to really kick in, 4 to 6 weeks. But is that really longer than therapy which can take years. Very few therapists are as cool as mine. Prozac did give me a buzz when I first took it. But it was not bad or performance reducing. It was actually a pleasant buzz, and my work productivity improved. The buzz went away after about 4 weeks.
There certainly was a personal aspect that went along with it. My personal life took a turn for the better at that time. I got a new boss, and the fact that I made the jump to medicine just helped me let things go for awhile. It was one of those times where you look back and say “I had a lot of fun,” yet did not realize it immediately. I took two vacations in two months. One of them a skiing trip. I met some skaters and got into it. Damn I had fun once I took prozac. I have’nt taken it in awhile but if things get shitty enough I will.
Or should I try to talk about my problem with other really depressed people.
For you, the best thing to do is just be a friend. While totally depressed, I still appreciated that friend who would go out and have a beer, or play cards, or something. I was in no mood to do anything wild or stay out late, but I always had enough energy to spend a couple of hours of company.
One thing that you might mention to her about the medication: if she doesn’t like it, she can always quit taking it. There isn’t realy any reason not to try it for six weeks. There is no danger of permentently warping her personality.
Read your OP and went straight to ‘reply’. Couldn’t care less if I’m repeating things.
Half of my family is diabetic. They can’t see their pancreas is malfunctioning - they take their insulin once or twice a day and take that extra glass of juice or piece of hard candy when they need it.
I used to get strep throat once a year. I couldn’t see the bugs but knew taking this pill would make the soreness go away.
My best friend couldn’t see the child growing inside of her, but medical tests could.
My brother couldn’t see the fracture in his elbow, but the cast sure helped him.
I couldn’t see or feel that the serotonin levels in my brain were malfunctioning, but the SSRI is helping to keep me sane right now.
Your friend’s wife is terrified. People think of diabetes as a disease; they think of depression as a character flaw. She’s in an important position and is afraid others will see her depression as a weakness. Tell your friend that there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON she can’t take a two-hour lunch twice a month to see a counselor and ABSOLUTELY NO REAON she can’t take a pill once or twice a day. Remind her that if her blood sugar is out of whack she’d inject twice a day; if her brain is out of whack why won’t she take Zoloft twice a day?
Am recently involved in this track - if you have questions please feel free to email me.
I want to thank everyone for their replies so far. I spoke to my friend again last night and found out some more info.
She has been this way for 3-4 years, and in that time there was a span of when she was unemployed, and when she did work it was a regular 9-5 job. This 60-70 hour week job is for the past year, and the past 6 months in particular. However, she hasn’t changed for as I mentioned, 3-4 years. So, I kind of doubt the stressed out theory.
I am not a doctor, but I kind of buy the theory that the Happy Pills aren’t necessarily messing with a persons mind, but more like putting it back to a “normal” balance. I think I may see if he can get her to persue that avenue, but of course decisions would have to be hers/theirs. The only drawback that I can see so far with that way though is the sleep side effects, and she already seems to be lacking sleep, so I don’t know how well that would go over.
Once again, thanks! If anyone else has anything to add, please keep posting.
I too suffer from depression, and like many other ‘disorders’ it has no simple or canned solutions. What works for one may or may not work for another.
What has worked for me:
Start drug therapy…in many cases you don’t have to stay on it, but it did help me regain enough balance to make changes in other areas of my life. I am currently drug free.
Look for situations which make the problem worse and actively take steps to correct them. Job related stress was a big one for me. I changed jobs, and am making far less money now, but the stresses are mine now and not those imposed by others (I am now self-employed)
Get exercise! One of the brain chemistry imbalances most common to depression sufferers is seratonin (sp?) level. Exercise helps to bring this level back into balance.
Recognize that the problem is just that: a problem. Depression is not a character flaw or weakness. More often than not, it results from a person’s reaction to their environment (Excluding of course the cases of severe chronic depression which seem to stem from some deeper physiological disorder)
Talk to people about it. Talk to fellow sufferers, talk to professionals, learn to deal with it as openly as possible. If this is more than stress and is a bona-fide case of depression it will not go away on its own.
Resolve to to at least one thing a day that makes you feel good about yourself. I try to do this early in the day so that I can reflect on it when I start to feel ‘down’.
As I said initially, there are no simple solutions and every case is different. If it helps, let your friend know that there are others who have experienced this and that it CAN be dealt with.