I’m moderately depressed, as a general state… some days are much worse than others. Yesterday I felt like hell all day long … dreading every upcoming event of the day, from shower to morning commute to work to lunch to evening commute. I wanted to die all day.
Today, nothing’s changed. The state of my finances, career, spirituality, physical health remained exactly the same. I had exactly the same sort of workday, same diet, same general habits, and I felt just fine all day long. Rather better than usual. Tomorrow is anybody’s guess.
Unpredictable as weather, I’m as flighty as a feather.
As someone who also suffers from depression, I can understand the way you feel. I found that medication does wonders for me, but I don’t know if it works for everyone. I also remind myself when I am really down that things can only get better. I know that sounds cheesy, but it really does get better. You may want to seek help in your struggle, sometimes it just helps to have some outside your situation to talk with. Good luck in whatever happens.
I suffered depression about 15 years ago… the after-effects of a failed marriage, my first baby and watching my mother die from cancer. I often pondered ending my life, but the fact that I had a one-year old baby was the only thing that kept me going.
I honestly can’t remember 12 or more months of my life during that stage. I must admit, I hid behind booze and well and truly abused it until one day I finally decided to pull myself out of it and look to the future in a positive way. It eventually did help, but it was hard work.
I can still have moments of feeling that everything is just too hard to cope with and I try to “bury my head in the sand” so to speak. But, as always you’ve got to come up for air some time! Also, I have moments when I feel an incredible feeling of doom come over me, as if something really dreadful is going to happen. I’ve been told that that’s a form of depression as well. When that mood strikes me I quickly find something to do or think about that gives me pleasure, which does tend to pick me up and keep me on the upside.
masonite, I sincerely hope you find ways to deal with your depression. I know exactly where you’re coming from.
I’ve been dealing with depression for about ten years now, and boy do I understand those days when nothing’s different, but somehow everything’s bad.
I usually lock myself in my room after work, cry for a half hour or so, and then everything feels a little better. I’ve discovered that having a really good cry somehow changes my view of the world.
I’m medicated and have been for several years, but the best medications in the world can’t completely erase depression. I’d rather have moderate ups and downs due to under-medication than no ups and downs at all. So remember the three rules of the clinically depressed:
Everything will look better tomorrow, cycles are like that.
Isn’t there a higher percentage of depression amongst Seattle residents?
Think this way - things could always be worse. I felt like you did very much of the time. Then I just got a DUI last Wed before Thanksgiving (blew a tire and got stopped). I’ve now been bike riding to work in the snow, and will have my license supsended for a year. If I could just go back in time and take a different outlook on things.
Your description sounds like me. IANA Mental Health Professional, but the cyclothymia, described in the links below seems to describe me exactly. Some days I find it helps a bit to have a label to pin on it, others I don’t, YMMV.
masonite, let me join many of the above posters and saying that you aren’t alone. The way you are feeling now is how I’ve felt in the past. I came very close twice to actually taking my own life about ten years ago because of how horrible my life was at the time. I’ve entertained thoughts of suicide in the recent past because I’ve been depressed. If at all possible, please seek help. Confide in a close friend or family member that will support you and help you get the help you need.
Thanks for all the supportive posts, guys. I’m not to be worried about; things are okay and I do get ups with the downs (not anywhere near to a manic degree, just normal contentedness!) I feel truly sorry for the people who NEVER feel all right.
Boy is this thread timely. I’ve had several bad days in a row and then, viola, the Cloud of Doom[sup]TM[/sup] dissipates only to return a few days later… Very perplexing. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone.
I’m in! I’ve had problems with depression for forty years. SSRI medications have been my saving-grace.
There are different kinds of depression and what may be true for one person may not be true for another. That’s true for medications too.
The most important thing I have learned about my depression is that it is not a character flaw or a matter of personal weakness. I had always blamed myself for it.
As more people realize that there is nothing to be ashamed of when they have depression, they are not as reluctant to talk about it. Thank goodness!
