You’d like us to think, that, wouldn’t you, Ivory–I can call you Ivory, right?
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let’s consider something: The Dope can suspend or ban anyone at will. You’d think it would be an idiotic notion to invent an entire conspiracy to suspend a poster who’s racked up a zillion mod-notes and like 8 warnings, but you’d be wrong.
Consider, colleagues, the following scenario:
WHY would a massive conspiracy exist to deny that Ivory and Asimovian actually voted to suspend? Why, indeed.
First, there was the nuisance issue: Trihs had racked up more mod-notes and warnings than any other two posters, combined, a fact I just now made up. This was embarrassing to the powers-that-be and they didn’t want it to look like new blood had anything to do with fixing this error. So they let the two new mods in early and changed the timestamps on the server’s cpu byte-flops.. A cunning plan. The old guard, unwilling to ban him previously could save face without having to change their votes.
But, second, that was only a small part of the plan. A tiny piece of the vast Dope conspiracy. The Dope has been looking for revenue streams for years, from pay-to-post, to pay-to-avoid-bad ads, nothing worked. But you, Ivory. You had a plan.
You knew that the Dowager Widow Gillespie was a “long time lurker” who read but didn’t post. You knew that she was rich beyond the dreams of Midas. And her only vulnerablity…her one weakness was the hatchet that Der Trihs had locked in his private messages vault. You could kill two birds with one suspension. You suspend Trihs, letting the old guard mods save face AND you get access to the hatchet in his account. Allowing you to woo her, get her to change her will and then chop her up into salsbury steak!
You knew that her untold wealth would not only fund the boards for decades to come, you knew that it would advance your other agenda…one known only to the cabal…the mod’s star chamber…your plan to bring back General Fransico Franco’s fascist government in Spain. And you knew, you KNEW if you did that, Der Trihs would speak out against it. So it all tied together into a package of lies wrapped with a bow of bad metaphors.
And it was all so simple. And you would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for a few courageous Dopers who were willing to push forward some kind of conspiracy theory. Without them, Der Trihs might still not have been suspended, the Widow Gillespie would still be alive and Spain would not become a fascist dictatorship. Well done, Dopers, on unravelling this conspiracy of evil. Well done!